


Third Time's a Charm

by lilrei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Demiromantic Eren, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, Eren with mild anxiety, Femme Eren, Fights, Friends to Lovers, Gender things, Gray-a Eren, Jean learns gender things from Eren, M/M, Might have to rate it M later?, Misgendering, Moody guitarist eren, POV Eren Yeager, Piercings, Self Esteem Issues, Slow Build, Small amounts of springles, Swearing, Trans Jean, Transitioning, Transphobia, Violence, maybe not so mild, so much swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-17 16:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 47,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4672766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilrei/pseuds/lilrei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people hit it off when they first meet, other people hit each other.<br/>Or that time where Jean is an asshole and Eren doesn't really understand what a friend is.<br/>They've got three times to make it right</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A little less sixteen candles, a little more touch me

**Author's Note:**

> So listening to FOB always gets me in the mood to write or draw Jeaneren. This is my first multi-chapter fic for Jeaneren so I'm super excited to see where it goes^^

_I don't blame you for being you_

_But you can't blame me for hating it_

_So say what are you waiting for?_

_Kiss him, kiss him_

_I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late_

 

 

 

 

Living in the suburbs right outside a big city had its perks. With the extensive rail and bus system, I could get just about anywhere without using a car. Being outside the rush and noise of downtown while still being able to access it quickly was the dream. If I wanted to, I could hang out downtown in a huge mall with friends, or I could chill out in my backyard in the grass, blasting music through my headphones.

Commuting wasn’t as big of a problem as mom had thought it was going to be. In fact, the transport system itself wasn’t causing me any issues. It was just the people on it.

After I got off the 82 bus, I headed down the block towards my house. I usually traveled with Armin or Mikasa at my side, but they’d decided to head back earlier. I’d gotten a little carried away picking out new shoes and clothes. I didn’t understand their excitement about starting high school, but I was glad to be going to a school outside of our small neighborhood. Plus, the opportunity to buy new clothes had been really inviting.

Picking at the nail polish on my index finger, I imagined the new assholes I’d have to deal with. Throughout middle school, there was always someone giving me shit for my looks. With the winning combination of my dark skin, mismatched eyes and shaggy hair, I seemed to attract every jerk in a room. It probably didn’t help that I had a knack for wearing bright colors either. If Mikasa hadn’t been in my class in middle school, I would’ve had a lot more bloody noses.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, speak of the devil. My sister was making sure I’d be home in time for dinner. Tapping back a quick reply on my phone, I muttered about its greasy screen.

Flexing my fingers, I tried to relieve a bit of stress from the shopping bags. I rounded the corner at my street near the local, decrepit laundromat with a mexican restaurant next to it. Before sliding my phone back into my pocket, I turned the volume on my music up and shifted my headphones over my ears as the soothing bassline brought a smile to my face.

The laundromat was in a ratty strip mall that was as old as the pavement in front of it. It consisted of dollar stores and fast food restaurants making the whole area look artificial. About halfway down the block, something caught my eye. A shiny, blue, new bike was laid on its side near the alleyway of the brick structure. I didn’t think too much of it until noticed a pair of Vans haphazardly tossed near it.

Naturally curious, I treaded carefully through the empty parking lot. Reaching the bike, I inspected the shoes. They looked brand new so I turned the corner into the alleyway.

I didn’t know what I expected, definitely not two guys kicking around a kid who couldn’t defend themselves. Watching the kid take a knee to the stomach and double over, I made a quick decision.

I’d dropped my store bags and rushed forward without giving it a second thought. My body was still sore from a fight the other day, but I pushed through it. Jumping into the scuffle, I hauled the tallest guy off the blond kid beneath him.

Said jerk in a black hoodie socked me right in the eye, sending me stumbling backwards into the brick wall. Narrowing my eyes at my attacker, I raised my fists and dodged his next swings. Landing a blow on his jaw, he spun to the ground. His friend who also didn’t look much older than me was still wailing on his victim.

The smaller kid was back on their feet but was still getting knocked around. Before I could get myself together and help out, they kicked tank top guy in the groin. Doubling over, he groaned and smashed his face into the asphalt.

Breathing heavily, I watched as the guy in the black hoodie caressed his jaw. Pulling his friend off the ground, he sneered at me.

“You’re lucky someone saved your bitch ass”, he spat as the two of them made their way out of the alleyway.

Watching after them, I ghosted my fingertips over my bruising eye. I winced but mostly from the thought of how Mikasa was going to chew me out later. Sighing, I checked myself for other injuries. Finding none, I turned my attention to the kid I’d gotten a black eye for.

The kid was wiping blood from under their nose, smearing it in the process. From the looks of their new, but tattered clothing, they’d probably never been in a fight in their life. They were still balancing themselves against the brick wall for support. Sliding on some comically large glasses, they pulled a beanie back into place on their head.

“Shit, I think the frame’s busted…”, they muttered adjusting the glasses.

Golden eyes met mine and I felt my skin prickle. I hoped with my swelling eye and the shade of the setting sun they didn’t notice the distinct different colors of my eyes. Instead of meeting their gaze, I noted a bruised cheek, split lip, and a bloody nose.

Their thin lips were pressed together and thin eyebrows furrowed. They subconsciously licked excess blood that had pooled on their bottom lip. With a baby face and skin in the early stages of puberty, they looked about my age.

They waved their hands in front of my face and smirked. I blinked and tried not to be distracted by the flash of crooked teeth.

“Did you seriously just jump into a fight wearing headphones?”, they met my eyes again. “Dumbass”.

Snapping out of my stupor, I glared back at them as they limped over to their bike, still propped up against the wall. Their attackers didn’t seem to have stolen their shoes or bike, which made me wonder who exactly had started the altercation.

“I can hear you”, I muttered watching them approach the blue bike. “And I wouldn’t be calling the person who saved you a dumbass”. I pulled my headphones around my neck.

They scoffed and plopped down in the dirt to pull their shoes on, oddly calm about the whole situation. I noticed their chewed fingernails and bruised knuckles. For someone who got into a lot of fights, they sure were clumsy with their fists.

That, added to the fact that I’d never seen them in the neighborhood before, made me approach them cautiously. They were swearing over how much blood had dripped onto their shirt when I crouched next to them with a sigh. Pulling tissue out of my back pocket, I held it out for them. They eyed it carefully before snatching it away.

“Yes, I jumped into a fight to help you _just_ to poison you with this tissue”, I deadpanned.

They pointedly ignored me and snorted blood from their nose with a gross hacking sound.

“What’s with the shoes?” I watched their hands move to fumble with the laces; they’d shoved the tissue up their nose.

“Hah?” they squinted at me.

“Why’d you take ‘em off?” I found myself relaxing around this stranger.

Seating myself in the gravel, I noticed them watch me intently with a protected expression.

“I...didn’t…”, they mumbled ducking their chin. “Those guys dragged me over here…” they shrugged.

I felt like I wasn’t going to hear the rest of the story. But it wasn’t really that important. What mattered was that I’d seen them limping and it looked like they planned to ride their bike home.

“You live around here?” I ran my fingers through my unruly hair.

“Just moved a while back”, they motioned in the general direction of my home.

Standing, I held my hand out.

“Need some help there princess?” I wiggled my fingers.

It was like I’d flipped a switch and fucked everything up royally.

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” they pulled themselves up suddenly defensive.

I scowled.

“I mean not only did I just save your ass, but it seems to me you need more help”.

“Who the hell do you think you are?! I don’t need your help”.

“Woah, don’t get your panties in a knot”, I raised my hands defensively as they took a step towards me.

Their face fell but their eyes never wavered.

“I don’t wear panties…”, they muttered turning on their heel. “And I’m not some girl for you to save asshole!” they called over their shoulder.

My mouth popped open, completely taken aback. _I_ was the asshole? What the fuck did I do? Raising an eyebrow I thought about Mikasa. I didn’t think I’d ever saved her from a fight in my life.

“Are you implying...that you’re a guy?” I guessed motioning with my hands.

We both stood there in a tense silence after the words popped out of my mouth. I had a habit of speaking before I thought and being impulsive. It wasn’t exactly a great thing in delicate situations.

I hadn’t meant to offend them or anything, but I was trying to guess what they were hinting at. Implying that if they were female I’d want to save them more was making it confusing.

“Fuck you”, he hopped onto his bike and pulled up the kickstand. “And yes”, he muttered before pedaling down the block awkwardly. He was favoring his right leg.

Sighing I questioned myself for even trying to help him in the first place if he didn’t want it. It was too late for me to do much of anything though, he’d already gotten past the strip mall and turned the second corner. I’d noticed him shove his hands into his pockets once he got comfortable on the bike.

“What an asshole”, I sneered after him checking my bruised-again knuckles.

Trudging towards my home with my new school clothes, I noticed the sun fall behind distant skyscrapers. The air was crisping in time for school.

 

Still thinking about the asshole I’d met in the alleyway, I walked up the driveway to my house. I still wanted to ask him what the deal with his shoes was, but I probably wouldn’t get the chance.

Stumbling, I paused and blinked numbly. Thrown haphazardly in front of the house two down from mine was a baby blue bike. Groaning, I pulled out my keys and mentally prepared myself for a shitstorm. Mom always had me and Mikasa greet new neighbors with home cooked food at their door. I’d noticed moving trucks down the block the other day, but I hadn’t thought much of it.

Nudging the door open with my shoulder, I kicked my boots off in the entryway and carried my bags into the house. Putting my stuff near the stairs, I breathed in the familiar scent of home and turned my music off.

As soon as I was in the living room, Mikasa was off the couch and inspecting my latest black eye. Her graceful features were contorted with worry as she moved my head about by my chin. Scrunching my face up, I stuck out my tongue when she poked at my eye.

“Who?” she was seething.

“Just some jerks”, I brushed her off pushing her hands away.

Avoiding further touches, I glanced towards the hallway leading to the kitchen. If Mikasa was this worried, I didn’t think Mom needed to see me just yet. Besides, Mikasa was glaring at me.

Ever since Mikasa had joined our family at the age of 8, she’d been like the guardian I never knew I needed. Whenever I was acting rash, she was there to keep me in check. My mother was so grateful that we were so close. Plus, she was really good at doing my nails, she liked that I was really feminine.

“I didn’t start it this time”, I rolled my eyes. “This douchenozzle was getting his ass kicked so I jumped in”, shrugging, I unbuttoned my jacket and tossed it over the couch.

Mikasa followed as the smell of pastries wafted through the house. I could tell she believed me, but was still sorting through it. It was true that my big mouth got me into a lot of fights, but I was just as empathetic as I was stubborn. It wouldn’t be the first time I saved some poor kid from getting pummeled.

“Did you know him?” she questioned raising an eyebrow.

“No, but he’s our-”

“Mikasa! Is Eren home? I want you two to go over and…”

My eyes widened painfully as mom saw my face. She had a fruit basket over one arm and a pie in the other hand. Flitting her eyes over my face, her smile fell into a thin line. She definitely looked surprised, but only mildly angry. That was a huge plus.

“..take these to our new neighbors…”, she sighed coming close to inspect my face.

Mikasa gave her a knowing look and took the fruit basket and pie from her hold. Mom looked up into my eyes, I’d outgrown her recently. I figured the dark color of my left eye made the bruising look worse than it was. It would probably look like shit at school in a few weeks.

“Later”, she promised sternly. “Take those over and hurry back for dinner”, she ran her fingers through her bangs and put her right hand on her hip.

Mikasa shoved the pie into my hands and started for the door. With one last apologetic look to mom, I groaned and followed her down the street. For the first time in a while my bruises weren’t actually my fault and everyone wasn’t appreciating it like they should be. On bad days, I came home with a bruised jaw _and_ a black eye.

When we reached our destination, Mikasa was quick to knock on the door. I hadn’t even gotten to explain or tell my story before an exhausted looking blonde woman with a bob answered the door. She looked strikingly familiar to the douchenozzle, which was a shame. Her nose was almost exactly like his.

Mikasa reacted faster than I did.

“Hi, we live a few houses down. These are from Carla Jaeger, you two met earlier”, Mikasa smiled lightly to my surprise.

The woman’s face lit up as she motioned for us to come inside. She was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, so I figured they hadn’t done most of their unpacking yet.

“Oh, Carla! And you two must be Mikasa and Eren! You’re about the same age as Jean”, she pushed past boxes and bags, further into their home. “Jean! Come meet our new neighbors!”, she yelled passing a flight of stairs.

I looked up the wooden stairs and noticed a few boxes labeled ‘Jean’ at the top of the steps. They couldn’t have moved in but a few weeks ago.

We were lead into their almost empty kitchen, so I deposited mom’s pie on the counter. Keeping my head down, I tried not to attract anyone’s attention to my face.

“I’m Marie Kirschtein”, Jean’s mother rescued the fruit basket from Mikasa’s arms. “My husband’s around here somewhere…” she moved about the kitchen putting plates into cupboards and cast iron pans in the oven. “And my d-...”, she caught herself. “The boy is around here somewhere”, she paused in her movements.

Mikasa seemed interested in the patterns on the wall, but I just felt uncomfortable. Jean’s mother had purposefully avoided looking at my bruised eye but I could still feel my skin heating up. She’d noticed the off colors in my irises. Along with her strange way of speaking about Jean, just made me start grinding my teeth together.

Right when I’d got my breathing going and relaxed, Jean stalked into the kitchen and went straight for a glass of milk from the fridge. I could feel my heart start to race again, if he met my eyes, I didn’t think I could keep from flinching.

I froze in the doorway with my nails digging into the palms of my hands. I couldn’t stop staring at him again. He still had drying blood under his nose, but he lacked his hat and glasses. The top, longer strands of his hair were a light blond while the undercut was a dark chocolate color. I wondered if he was naturally mismatched like me.

“Jean, I thought I told you to clean up!” Marie picked up a cloth and went to wipe his face.

He shoved her hands away and rubbed his face with the back of his hand.

“I told you, the shit’s still in boxes”, he hissed chugging his milk.

“Watch your language”, Marie snapped, slapping the back of his head and making him choke on his milk.

His glare could’ve bored holes through her skin.

“This is Eren and Mikasa from down the street, their mother told me they’re going to your high school”, she grinned at Mikasa and I.

Then he was looking at me. I was balling my fists so tight it hurt. He looked at my eyes and promptly frowned. Before I knew it, my eyes were on the floor and I was grinding my teeth again.

“Marie! Where are the family portraits?” someone called from the other room.

Jean’s mother grinned at us politely before calling back to who I supposed was Jean’s father. Across the counter, Jean continued to eye me carefully. Calming my breathing, I managed to hold his gaze. He didn’t look as angry as I thought he was, he just looked kind of bored.

Jean’s mother left the kitchen carrying a box and went into their living room. I started to fidget under Jean’s gaze but was happy when he broke contact to take a sip of his milk.

Mikasa looked between Jean’s bruised face and my yellow-ish eye and sighed.

“So...my brother saved you earlier?” she folded her arms across her chest.

It was like Mikasa had the ability to flip the other boy’s switch back to ‘not an asshole’. His eyes flitted to her as he eased himself forward to lean against the kitchen counter. With a completely relaxed posture, he grinned brightly. Although I felt better with his eyes off of me, I didn’t like the way he was eyeing Mikasa.

“Sorry about his eye, I didn’t think it’d be that bad”, he’s dropped his voice lower.

“You shouldn’t drag him into your problems”, Mikasa kept her firm gaze.

“He didn’t ask me, he was just getting his ass kicked”, I shoved my fists into my pockets and sneered.

“Looks like you made it out of there worse than me”, he shrugged.

Nevermind, still an asshole. That cocky smile was making my face heat up.

“You were literally curled up in a ball”, I rolled my eyes.

Jean looked between Mikasa and I. Leaning over on his elbows, he raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t ask you to jump in”.

“I wasn’t gonna let your bitch-ass get beat up”.

“What, you trying to play hero dickhead?” he growled.

“You little shitstain-!” Mikasa grabbed my arm.

I hadn’t even realized I was raising my fist. Jean was leaning far over the counter, just asking me to wipe that stupid grin off his dumb face. Straining against Mikasa, I realized I’d never be able to get out of her grip. Yanking my arm away, I turned and stalked towards the door. My anger had flared up in record time.

“Bye Jean”, Mikasa was following me out the door and calling a good bye to the idiot’s mother.

Shoving my way out the door, I slowed my pace and paced in a circle in front of their driveway. Grumbling to myself I could feel my body shaking.

“Eren”.

I glared at Mikasa. She was watching me evenly. Sighing, I dropped my hands and flexed my fingers, inhaling deeply. I didn’t think right when I was angry, it never lead anywhere good. I should probably work on that.

“You’re going to see him at school. You should probably get over whatever issue you have with him”, she started back home.

Right behind her, I looked back at the Kirschtein house. In just a few weeks, I would have to deal with Jean. Honestly, if I avoided him, I’d be able to get along fine. But something about him just ticked me off.

“What a prick…”, I muttered putting my headphones on.

 

***

 

“Eren I swear to god if you don’t hurry up-”

“I’m coming! Jeez…”, I fumbled around on the floor pulling my new Docs on.

It was a little difficult tying my laces, all the while keeping my red nails from getting ruined. Sure I’d asked Mikasa to do them for me the week before, but they couldn't be blamed for making us late. I’d never seen a blood red match my skin this well and I was not about to mess it up.

Pulling myself off the floor, I was surprised to have mom drag me back into her embrace. Squeezing the life out of me, she hummed and muttered things about staying safe and keeping out of trouble.

“Eren”, she paused fingertips brushing over my healing eye. “Honey, you’re so beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you any different”.

Looking down at my shoes, I wiggled out of her grasp. I always felt uncomfortable when people complimented me. Smiling sheepishly I met her gaze and nodded.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine”, I pressed an empty smile.

She was cupping Mikasa’s face in her hands before I could even get the words out. Mom was always so protective over us ever since she’d had to raise us herself. Handing us extra money for school lunch, she hurried us out the door so that we could catch the bus and make all the transfers on time.

As we made our way down the block towards the bus stop, I noticed Jean dragging his bike from the ground and adjusting the seat. As we reached the end of our street, he was pedaling by, hands in his pockets. He seemed to be in his own little world, riding along with earbuds probably blasting music. The blond was fading from his hair but it was still significantly lighter than the shorter hair in his undercut. I liked that shade better.

We met up with Armin at the bus stop and his excitement was contagious. Apparently he’d tested into the upper math classes and would be going straight into Trig. Smiling for him, I could feel my body buzzing.

By the time we got off the train by the school, I was smiling and laughing along with Armin and Mikasa. They were both so excited to be going to a high school in the city and I finally understood it. The feeling of meeting new kinds of people, experiencing new things and enjoying all of it was suddenly appealing. My worries faded to the back of my mind.

Of course I was wrong. The first day of high school was as shitty as it was boring. The freshman wandered the halls from class to class trying to internalize the map of the school, avoiding upperclassmen as much as possible.

The only highlight was finding Jean sitting behind me in our homeroom. He didn’t seem to notice me as Armin and I entered the classroom, but his Slayer t-shirt drew my eyes to him. He was the only kid actually sitting in his seat, flipping through his phone.

“That’s him”.

“What?” Armin was already moving towards his assigned seat.

“That’s the asshole I told you about”.

Armin gave me a tired expression and looked from me to Jean and back again.

“Eren, I’m sure he’s not that bad”.

My mouth dropped open. He hadn’t even met the guy but he was already on his side. It seemed like whenever it came to Jean, people thought I was overreacting.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me…”, I muttered checking the seating chart posted on the board.

As luck would have it, I was seated right in front of Jean. Somehow, there wasn’t a single person alphabetically between us, so I would just have to deal. As usual Mikasa was in a different class, but at least Armin was...on the other side of the room. Settling into my seat, I tried not to disturb the menace behind me.

After a few minutes the homeroom teacher still hadn’t shown up, so I decided to try and patch up whatever misunderstanding we’d had. Hoping to put our past altercation aside, I turned around and tried to make peace with Jean. Wearing a dark blue hoodie, I found him hunched over his desk, glaring forward. When he sneered at me, I saw a flash of metal. Served him right.

“Braces”, I scoffed turning back around. Those weren’t exactly going to improve his attitude.

Pulling my headphones over my ears, I waited for the homeroom teacher by listening to guitar-heavy music to keep my mind off of the few obvious stares I was receiving.

Without Armin next to me, I was more aware of people looking at my eyes. I’d been letting my hair grow out, but the front still wasn’t long enough to fall into my eyes, so I settled for ducking my head and picking at my nails.

Mikasa had just painted my nails for the first week but of course I was already anxiously picking it off. I’d managed to make it a week without chipping the damned stuff, and I was so proud of myself. Avoiding fights for a whole week had been difficult, but somehow I’d muscled through it. That was a good start.

Most of the first day was just adjusting to a larger building and the huge amounts of people. In my neighborhood school, I’d never had to push my way through a crowd to be on time. A huge plus was that I didn’t stick out as much. Nobody paid me any attention when there were kids with tons of piercings and bright pink hair. No one went out of their way to bother me, and if they did, it was never enough to get me angry.

For the first time in a while, I didn’t feel like hiding around large amounts of people. I could move around freely without being stared at. But once someone saw my eyes, I felt my skin prickling all over again.

Jean on the other hand, stuck out like a black sheep and loved it.

He’d somehow managed to make friends even with his arrogant smile and off-putting sarcasm. A group of people always gathered around him and hung off his every word. Armin even spoke highly of him, seeing as they were in the same math class.

By the end of the first week, he’d roped himself a freckled best-friend and two dorks who joked around way too much for his personality. It seemed like they’d been friends since grade school if I didn’t know any better.

Jean and I on the other hand, had a weird awkward ‘you live near me so I can’t really hate you’ and ‘you always hit on my sister so I kind of actually hate you’ relationship. He didn’t seem to have bad intentions, but he ran his mouth more than I did, and that was really saying something.

About halfway through the second week, I found myself watching the other boy pace in front of the bathrooms. He’d bleached his hair again to that gross light color I didn’t like, it made me frown. But his blue glasses had returned, making his eyes look less angry.

Normally I would mind my own business when it came to him, but he seemed pretty flustered. His cheeks were flushed and he was muttering to himself under his breath.

I carefully approached him because he looked more pissed off than usual. Walking back and forth, the blond clutched at his abdomen and scowled at the floor.

“Hey”, I tried, pulling my headphones off my ears.

The hallway on this floor was almost vacant save for the two of us. Jean jumped at the sound of my voice.

His eyes flicked to mine. My breath caught in my throat as I self-consciously dropped my eyes to the floor. The bruising had healed and that left the distinctive colors of my irises obvious. I didn’t need one of his snappy comments about my freaky eyes.

But Jean just furrowed his brows and sighed.

“The unisex bathroom is closed”, he mumbled shifting around.

“So?” I narrowed my eyes.

“I have to pee!” he hissed.

I raised my eyebrows.

“Then go to the damn bathroom before you piss yourself”, I motioned at the boy’s bathroom.

Jean froze and his eyes widened. Just then an upperclassman shoved open the door waving around his still drying hands. Jean ducked his head awkwardly and took a few steps away from the door, worrying his lip between his teeth.

“Look, I can’t just _go_ in there!”, he looked almost frantic.

“The fuck not?” I could feel my temper rising.

“Because I don’t have a fucking dick, assface!” he shouted before covering his mouth hurriedly.

I blinked, holding my breath while clenching and unclenching my fists. I was was getting angry for no reason, this wasn’t about me. Jean was probably trying to figure out which bathroom he was least likely to get yelled at in, or worse.

I pressed my lips into a thin line. Walking to the door, I held it open.

“Yes you can”, I answered firmly, meeting his eyes.

Jean hugged himself tightly and seemed to consider the idea. His eyes flicked between me and the door. With his mind made up, he ran his fingers through his hair and rushed into the bathroom. Sealing himself into a stall, I closed the door after him, There was another guy in there but he didn’t pay us much attention before washing his hands and leaving.

I stood by the door uncomfortably, not knowing what to do. I was supposed to be in Biology but I felt that if I left I would make Jean angry somehow. I’d only gone out to get water, but now I was stuck.

I was about to just leave, out of the weird sound of Jean peeing, when he cleared his throat.

“Uh...thanks”.

I looked at myself in the mirror. My one sea green eye looked darker in the lighting of the bathroom.The other eye, a distinctive golden color, shone. Dark hair covered my eyebrows and almost reached my eyelashes.

“Sure”, I spoke back tightly. We weren’t exactly friends.

“Er...could you do me another favor?”

“I’m not wiping your ass for you”.

“You fucking prick…”, I grinned in the mirror, there wasn’t a hint of malice to his words.

“Do you...have a pad?”

I choked on my spit a little and turned to the stall.

“I mean...it’s okay if you don’t, I guess. I just kinda rushed over here and forgot they didn’t have a pad machine thingy...Would you mind, I don’t know...like asking Mikasa or something, or-”

“I have some in my locker”, I stopped him, pinching the bridge of my nose. I usually kept some for Mikasa just in case.

“You do? Dude, can you like-”

“Ugh...fine”, I muttered.

My locker was two floors down.

After I handed Jean the pad under the stall door, he put it on and came out blushing furiously down his neck up to his ears. He went straight to the sink and scrubbed at his hands.

I held out a bottle of painkillers I kept on hand. “Need some?” I didn’t know why I was compelled to help him out.

He reluctantly took a few pills and downed them with sink water, which was really gross.

“I guess you’re not a total assface”, he looked up to meet my eyes in the mirror.

It took a lot of my willpower to hold his gaze and not spit out a retort. We stood there a while before he pointedly stared at my eyes.

I could feel my skin heating up and prickling as my heart thundered in my ears. Before I knew it, I was subconsciously scratching at the exposed skin of my arm and staring at the sink. His eyes were calculating, judging, and trying to make sense of my face.

He was going to overreact, call me a freak or get angry again. That’s what most people did.

Clenching my fists I was about to leave when he grinned. The light in the bathroom reflected off the metal on his teeth.

“Your eyes are cool, heterochromia-”

“Iridium”, I finished for him, looking up from under my hair.

“I don’t think I’ve ever really looked at them”.

I stopped fidgeting and focused on the music still pulsing through my headphones.

“How the hell do you hear anything through those?” Jean’s posture was relaxed against the sink.

“I’m not blasting it or anything”, I lied shoving my hands into my pockets.

“Bullshit, I can hear it”.

“Maybe your stupid ears can hear really well”.

Jean mumbled something.

“What?” I frowned.

“See?”, he smiled wider pleased with himself. “How’re you supposed to talk to anyone with those on?”

I slowly pulled one side off my ear.

“I don’t”.

Jean pouted, but shrugged.

“Well, I gotta get back to Trig”, he brushed past me to the door.

Even though I had a few inches on him, he always seemed to be at eye level.

“Biology”, I followed him out the door.

“Thanks Eren”, he said over his shoulder, trotting down the hall.

I wished he could’ve seen the little grin stretching my lips.

 

As weeks turned to months, I found out how people tolerated Jean. He was charismatic and even-tempered, always calm even when arguing. If he wasn’t smiling, his blunt sarcasm was still entertaining. He wasn’t completely insufferable, even if he kept trying to be super masculine all the time.

If he wasn’t attempting to flirt with Mikasa, he was being loud and arrogant. After a while, I just accepted it as his personality and called him out if he was pissing me off. We shared 4 out 6 classes, so I eventually realized most of his insults were empty. I even managed to keep eye contact without feeling uncomfortable, which was great.

“So you just skipped to French II?” I flipped through my notes.

We’d been paired up for a conversational assignment, but neither of us wanted to work. We were supposed to practice talking as if we were ordering food in a restaurant or whatever, but I just didn’t feel like it.

“Yeah, the perks of living with _mémère_ over the summer”, he was doodling little flowers in his notebook as always. “And I’m still trying to get her to call me Jean instead of _belle fleur_ ”, he huffed.

I looked over at Jean’s grown-out, darker hair. I pictured a crown of daisies lain across his forehead and grinned. Stifling laughter, I was rewarded with a gentle shove.

By the time we actually got around to doing the assignment, Jean’s notebook was filled with flowers. They flowed from the corners of the pages and filled the margins to the edge. The bell rang as he finished the final flower on the page.

“Seeya”, he called jogging to meet up with his best friend who was probably by the door.

The two of them were close and walked everywhere together. If you saw Marco during a passing period, Jean was never too far behind. Jean had even gotten into a fight the other week when someone called him Marco’s girlfriend. I’d tried to teach him how to hold his own, but he’d still come out with lots of bruises.

Pulling my headphones over my ears, I gathered my things and went into the hallway. I could barely hear the conversations of other students over the pulsing of the bassline. That was just the way I liked it. Something about too many loud noises made me hyper aware of everything.

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I shook some of the hair from my eyes. By the time I got to my locker, I was dreading eating alone again. Neither Mikasa nor Armin had my lunch period, so I usually sat at a table by myself doing homework or playing Smash on my 3DS. I enjoyed not being bothered by someone random, but it was starting to get old.

“Hi”.

I looked up through my hair at none other than a grinning Marco Bodt hovering over me with his lunch tray. Jean stood next to him staring me down as usual. I didn’t speak to Freckles much, but when I did, he didn’t try to hold eye contact. Jean must’ve said something.

Instead of responding, I took a loud bite out of my apple and stared at the dusting of freckles over his cheeks. His smile wavered a bit and he looked to Jean for what to do next.

The blond simply rolled his eyes and seated himself across from me, not waiting for me to speak. Marco was next to him in a second, still unsure of what was happening. The two of them usually sat together and ate lunch with whoever was around. Jean didn’t usually go out of his way to sit with someone, he didn’t have to.

“Jean, what’re you doin'?” Marco looked between the two of us, it looked like we were having a staring match.

“This loser looked lonely, thought I’d spice up his life”.

“Don’t be rude”, Marco elbowed him, eyes catching on my headphones.

“He probably doesn’t have any friends other than his sister and Armin. Honestly, it’s kind of sad”, he reached over and stole the cookie from my lunch.

“I can hear you”, I snatched it back, resisting the urge to kick him under the table.

“I know”, there was that arrogant smirk that made my cheeks heat up.

Marco was still very confused, and it showed on his face. He was worrying his lip between his teeth and starting to pick at his food. Everyone knew that I had a short temper and that Jean talked too much for his own good.

“So...um, who're you listenin' to?” Marco tried a little smile.

Not losing eye contact with Jean, I replied, “ _Wish you were here_ ”.

“I told you he’s a hipster”.

My mouth popped open indignantly. “Am not! I just listen to good music!”

Jean scoffed and finally stopped staring at me to take a sip of his milk. I felt like he literally drank milk just to piss me off nowadays, something about it just made me want to punch him in the face. Then again, that was the general feeling one got after hearing him talk for a few minutes.

“I think they’re okay, but I only listened to the last album…”, Marco interrupted.

“What? That’s the worst one”, I frowned.

Jean held his hand out. I glared at it.

“Then let him listen to something better, yeah?” he wiggled his eyebrows.

I knew what he was doing, this wasn’t the first time he’d tried to get me to talk to his friends. For whatever reason he had a strange obsession with seeing me take my headphones off. He was always bitching about how I could never hear him or how I never talked to anyone. I didn’t see what the big deal was.

Sliding my headphones off, I waited for my ears to adjust to the sudden loud voices before handing them over to Jean. I was suddenly more aware of just how many people there were around me.

Jean took the headphones and put them over Marco’s ears, who looked confused about the whole thing. The dark-haired boy tilted his head closer to Jean’s as the blond whispered something in his ear. Freckles turned bright red so I figured Jean was saying something stupid about me again.

I fumbled around with my phone to play him a good song without blowing his ears off but found the volume to be maxed out. Turning it down all the way, I swiped back to my music.

I noticed Marco’s eyes catch on my chipped nails so I ducked my head a little lower. He didn’t say anything so I played my favorite song by _Wish you were here_ for him. He seemed like the kind of guy to like it.

I didn’t think I’d ever seen someone smile so brightly. Marco’s face lit up and he literally grinned from ear to ear. Jean was grinning along with him but I was pretty sure he couldn’t hear the music.

“This is nothin' like their new stuff!”

“Yeah, I’m not really into pop music”, I twisted some of my hair around my finger. I probably needed a haircut.

Apparently Marco knew way more about the band than I’d initially thought. Next thing I knew, we were discussing which songs were the best. Of course I ended up playing as much of their discography as I could.

Jean didn’t seem to know the band well, but he tried to keep up with the conversation. Whenever our eyes met, he smirked as if he’d won some kind of game. Like he’d managed to make a friend for me. I didn’t need him to do that, I could talk to people. If I felt like it.

It seemed like the bell rang way too early, people got up quickly from their tables and made their way to classes. Marco took my headphones from his head and passed them over to me. Jean was grabbing his backpack and their used lunch trays.

“Thanks Eren”, Marco tried to meet my eyes.

Looking down, I reached for my headphones and slid them on, nodding silently. It still felt weird for him to look me in the eye, but I got a good vibe from him.

“Yeah”, I grunted grabbing my things.

Soon Jean was dragging Marco off to English and I was alone at my table again. My mind settled back into the usually light hum I felt when I wasn’t actively doing something. Turning my music back on, I rushed to get to my next class.

When I was pulling my backpack over my shoulder, some upperclassmen brushed past me and knocked my books to the floor. Muttering something about me being a sissy, they continued on their way. If I’d been the me of a few weeks ago, I probably would’ve done something about it. But I honestly didn’t have the energy.

Clenching my hands into fists, I took a deep breath and picked up my stuff. The lunch room was still bustling with hurried students, so I moved fast to grab my stuff before it was kicked around.

As I crouched down to pick up my notebook, another hand reached out to grab my textbook. Shaking the hair out of my eyes, I met honey irises. Jean was frowning at me with his eyebrows furrowed. Gathering my other books, the blond stood.

“You’re gonna be late”, he held them out.

Shoving everything into my backpack, I slung it over my shoulder.

“You didn’t have to help”, I tried to brush past him as the bell rang, but he grabbed my arm.

“Just…”, he was looking at his shoes. “Don’t let it get to you”.

Of all the people to try and comfort me, the least I expected was Jean. He was more of a ‘just get over it’ kind of person. Sure he sympathized, we both heard the same shit, but I always thought it was a little harsher on his end. People didn’t think it was hilarious to misgender me.

It made my chest feel a little tight.

“C’mon, Marco’s waiting by the door”, Jean shoved his hands into his pockets, back to his normal relaxed posture.

When we got to English, Jean and Marco welcomed me to their table and we sat along with Jean’s other friends: Sasha and Connie.

I didn’t mind them. They didn’t force me to make eye contact and whenever I stated my opinion, they actually seemed interested. Although I had to say my favorite thing about them was that when Jean and I bickered, they thought it was laughable. Sasha even enjoyed egging us on.

“I’m telling you, slang is a dialect!”

“But you can’t just use it in formal situations! It hasn’t been considered a language”, Jean scratched out about half the words in my notebook.

“Fuck you!”, I grabbed his pen and was about to snap it when Sasha took it from me.

Grabbing my hand, she doodled a penis on the back. Jean and I froze before Connie burst into laughter and Marco groaned in frustration. Jean was cackling at me before Connie pointed out that he’d taken the liberty of drawing a larger penis on the cover of his notebook. In Sharpie.

I was laughing so hard  my eyes were watering in seconds. Jean was flustered as he first tried to erase the pen from his notebook, then gave up and scribbled over the dick.

We settled back into our group work after that, Jean and I afraid of Sasha drawing more dicks while we were distracted and Marco trying to get us to do actual work.

Before I knew it, I was smiling at Sasha’s bright optimism, Connie’s terrible puns, Marco’s warm grin, and Jean’s snide remarks. For the first time in a while, I felt like I could talk easily with people other than Mikasa or Armin. I didn’t feel like they were judging me with every little sideways glance.

As more weeks went by, I felt more comfortable just wearing my headphones around my neck. Their cool weight keep me calm and I noticed that I actually did like talking to people. I couldn’t remember that last time I’d let myself laugh so hard my eyes watered, but it felt like I was doing it every other day. It got to the point where Armin even thought I was opening up to people more.

“I told you he wasn’t an asshole”, Armin packed up his US history textbook.

“I didn’t say he wasn’t an asshole, he’s just not completely terrible”, I grinned.

Armin paused and met my eyes. I blinked and my smile wavered.

“What?”

“You just seem really happy”, the blond walked into the hallway. “I’d gotten so used to hearing your name getting called over the PA system”.

Armin was right. I hadn’t gotten into an actual scuffle since I’d hauled Jean’s skinny ass out of the fight before school started. I’d been getting into fewer arguments too, letting shit go was getting a little easier.

Cocking my head to the side, I frowned. I didn’t feel much different from a few months ago though. I still got so angry I couldn’t think, I still sucked at talking to strangers, and I was still terrible at making eye contact. Which apparently was extremely off-putting to a lot of people.

“I don’t know...You just talk about Jean a lot lately”, the blond motioned with his hand. “But you haven’t invited him to game with us or anything”.

I shrugged. He was a pretty cool guy, but I could only stand him in small doses. He understood some stuff that other people just couldn’t, but that didn’t mean we got along perfectly.

“He does talk about him a lot”.

Mikasa appeared beside me as I got to my locker.

“No I...do I?” my hands froze over my combo lock.

“‘Do you wanna know what that jerk said to me today?’” Mikasa dropped her voice.

“‘That douche doesn’t even have good taste in music’”, Armin mimicked, leaning against my locker.

Pouting, I pulled my locker door open and blocked his face. I heard a little giggle through the metal of the door.

“That’s because we have a lot of classes together”, I tried to recount every time I’d talked to them about Jean.

“Sure”, Armin looked to Mikasa. “We have to get to class”, the blond grinned knowingly before he dragged my sister away.

Well that ruined my mood. Scratching my fingers through my hair, I styled it in front of my eyes and headed to French. I didn’t think I talked about Jean that much, and even if I did, I didn’t see why it was such a big deal. Pulling my headphones over my ears, I shoved my hands into my pockets.

“Jaeger!” I paused in the doorway.

I’d walked in barely a second late, but now everyone was staring at me. Their eyes slowly worked up to my face and stayed there. My temper jumped in no time flat.

“What?”, I snapped.

The teacher scowled back at me, she’d never liked me from the first day when I’d corrected her. She never missed a chance to critique the smallest issues with any of my homework or speech.

“I’ve told you hundreds of times not to wear those”, she stepped into my personal space. “Give them to me”.

I honestly didn’t know what she was talking about, my mind was elsewhere.

“See? You can’t even hear me”, she hissed suddenly yanking my headphones off my ears.

My initial reaction was to grab them back, but my hand froze in the air. Pressing my arm against my side, I glared at the floor as she muttered about confiscating annoying electronics. I was still adjusting to the noise, so when she waved me away, I flinched.

Plopping down in my seat next to Jean’s, I trained my eyes at the top of my desk and wrung my fingers in my lap.

“Eren”.

Then I was picking at my nails, first peeling all the polish off, then just tearing the extra nail off. Biting into my lip, I tried to ignore how I could feel everyone staring at me. My skin was prickling so I ducked my head low.

“Eren”.

Bouncing my knee, I closed my eyes and counted down from five as I inhaled, repeated as I exhaled. I could hear the teacher began her lecture on conjugations. Present perfect-

“Eren”.

Turning to my left, I met Jean’s eyes with a hard stare.

“What”.

I was seething.

Jean jumped back, mouth hanging open. Scratching at his undercut, he turned forward and chewed at his lip.

“Nothing”, he muttered.

My heart sank as I noticed him slouching. He was about six inches away from me but I felt like I’d pushed him off a cliff.

Looking over at him from under my hair, I reached out with my foot and tapped him lightly. He retracted his leg.

“I didn’t…” I murmured. “That was not how I wanted to start my day”.

“Dude, its literally fourth period…”, came his short reply.

“I just...can’t deal with staring or the whole eye contact thing...”, I admitted searching for a sign that he wasn’t mad.

“No shit”.

I choked back a laugh and noticed Jean peeking at me with a hesitant smile. The blue plastic pieces in his braces flashed as he scoffed at my change in attitude.

I’d never told anyone except...well,  it took me a long time to tell Armin even though I practically told him everything. Mikasa always knew without me saying much, so I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually said it out loud.

“Just don’t yell at me”, Jean huffed stretching his arms over his head.

“Gotcha”, I twiddled my thumbs.

When we were assigned to speak together in French, Jean seemed uninterested in it. I just hoped I hadn’t genuinely freaked him out or anything. I know _I_ wouldn’t wanna put up with some jerk all the time, but somehow I put up with Jean.

“Connie and I are gonna hang out at Marco’s after school. You should come”, he poked me.

I yawned and stared emptily at my French notebook. It could be fun to go over someone other than Armin’s house, but then again, I wasn’t good with groups of people. I didn’t know if I could handle being around that many people at the same time.

“Then I’m bringing Armin”, I twirled hair around my finger.

“Jeez, what’re you two dating or something? It’s like you’re attached at the hip”.

I raised my brows and managed to catch Jean’s amber eyes.

“I could say the same about you and Marco”, I rolled my eyes as the blond’s face flushed.

“Fair enough”, Jean held his hands up in defeat.

He then reached his left hand out, palm up and wiggled his fingers. It wiggled in front of me like some kind of helpless turtle on its back. I had no idea what he was doing, so I placed my palm into his. He frowned before poking the inside of my hand.

“I meant your phone, dingus”.

Of course he knew I was texting under my desk. I hadn’t learned a thing from having my headphones taken away. I blamed Jean for just assuming people would understand him without words.

“Why do you need my phone, shithead?”

I pulled my phone from under my desk and he quickly snatched it.

“To give you my number, dumbass”, he was tapping away at my phone as I checked to make sure the teacher wasn’t watching.

“‘Hottest boy you know’, really?” he’d even snapped a quick selfie, which I had to admit did him justice.

“I mean, it’s true, yeah?”, he wiggled his eyebrows grinning.

Sitting across from me with our desks pressed together, he reached forward and stretched his back with a light humming noise. The bottom of his turtleneck rode up over his waist, exposing pale skin. It was getting colder, so he’d finally switched to skinnies instead of shorts so I couldn’t see his colorful socks anymore. He tilted his head onto the desk and yawned . He always seemed to have dark circles under his eyes even though he obviously got up in enough time to gel his stupid bleached hair up.

When he pressed his ear to the notebook on his desk, I noticed bruises forming along his jawline. Now that I thought about it, his eyes did seem a little more unfocused than usual. Their usual bright color, looked dull as he stared blankly forward.

“Dude”, I forced myself to meet his eyes. “What’s up?”

The blond had this odd habit of biting his thumbnail when he was thinking hard. If I didn’t know him well, I’d just think he was spacing out or something. His eyes lazily focused when he processed my question.

“Huh?” there was a single flower in his notebook.

I wondered if the quip about Marco earlier had bothered him.

“You’re thinking...for once”.

He scoffed but didn’t look amused.

Then he was holding his hand out towards me again, which I was learning was common with him. Pressing my palm to his, I raised an eyebrow.

“Your hands are bigger than mine”, he frowned.

I looked at the way his fingertips almost reached the ends of mine.

“But you’ve got the same scars and callouses”, I grabbed his hand and turned it over. “Not too different”.

Jean inspected his hands and fingers.

“But you take better care of your nails”, he smirked.

“Sure”, I sighed, looking at the remnants of my nail polish. “I have to keep ‘em nice so I can play guitar”.

“You play?” Jean’s face lit up.

Retracting his hand, he folded his arms in his lap. Leaning across the desks, Jean tried a little smile. Smiling back impulsively, I met his eyes.

“Sometimes”, I dropped my hand and combed hair from my eyes. “Just when I’m bored”, I shrugged and tried not to make a big deal out of it.

Jean hummed, seemingly in a lighter mood.

“Fucking hipster…”, he muttered.

After that, we focused more on the assignment. The blond spoke French like he’d been born for it. His crisp voice was perfect for the sharp language, it rolled right off his tongue. In between snide remarks about my eyes in French, Jean continued to pester me about going over to Marco’s. Eventually I agreed due to annoyance.

At the end of class the teacher hurriedly mentioned that everyone had to pair up and make a presentation about an area in France. It seemed like she was determined to make things easy on herself, so she paired Jean and me together with _Nice_. We were supposed to get it done over winter break so we had plenty of time to ‘ _make it perfect_ ’ as she put it.

After class, I wandered over to her desk for my headphones. She’d probably chew me out about using electronics in class, but the way she’d gone about reprimanding me made me feel awkward.

“I hope you won’t wear these anymore”, I stood by her desk.

“Ok”, I sighed.

“Look Eren, I’m not trying to antagonize you”, she leaned back in her chair.

“Yeah”, I nodded and put my headphones back on.

“Good luck with your project”, she called as I caught up to Jean, who was still waiting in the doorway.

 

Marco wasn’t at school and all Jean would tell me was that it had to do something with his sister. Due to the lack of a best friend, Jean ended up treating me like a close substitute. He babbled incessantly about graphic novels and metal while waving his arms about. I honestly had no idea what he was talking about half the time, but managed to seem interested enough to keep him talking. After a while, I managed to respond with opinions of my own on the subject.

The lunchroom was still filling up when we grabbed my usual table in the corner. Plopping down in the seats next to each other, Jean pestered me into listening to his favorite playlist until I begrudgingly agreed. Of course, not until I bargained his pudding out of him.

With Jean’s earbuds blasting a double foot pedal, I found myself getting into the song and nodding along with the beat. I didn’t notice when two girls waltzed over to our table and started snickering, but I noticed Jean bristle beside me.

Pulling out the bud, he glared at them. It was obvious that their attention was directed at us, so my first instinct was to stare at the table surface and pick at my food.

“What?” Jean growled at them.

“Oh look”, one of the girls looked between Jean and I. “It found a new boyfriend...girlfriend?”

My entire body froze. She really got right to the point didn’t she?

Jean was on his feet and in her face before my brain could process what was happening.

“The fuck did you just say, you ignorant piece of shit?”

She sneered at him, but her friend took a step back. I noticed a few tables near his get quiet.

“Is the little tomboy gonna throw a tantrum?” she shoved Jean back firmly by his shoulder.

I saw where this was going. Standing up, I placed myself between Jean and the girl so they couldn’t make eye contact. It wasn’t usually my thing to stop fights, but I’d been on a good streak lately.

“Jean, leave it alone”, I looked him in the eye.

My words were so empty, I didn’t believe a bit of what I was saying.

“Yeah, listen to your boyfriend”.

I turned to see a tall blond guy sling his arm over the girl’s shoulder. He was grinning as if this was some kind of game.

I forced myself to meet Jean’s eyes. “Drop it”.

“But he-”, Jean whined.

“If she wants to fight, let her”, the girl behind me took a step forward.

I whipped around. “Shut the fuck up”, my heart was racing.

“She tries so hard to be a boy, I even saw her in the guy’s bathroom!” the blond guy was laughing.

A chorus of chuckles erupted from the once silent bystanders. Suddenly it seemed as if the entire section of the lunchroom was in on some kind of sick joke.

“So what? She’s taking lessons from the resident shemale”, the girl flicked her hand out at me.

Jean’s open palm flew past my face and connected with the girl’s cheek. Stunned by the echoing sound of the impact, my body was easy for Jean to shove out of the way. I was so surprised he hadn’t knocked her teeth out that I didn’t notice the guy behind me winding up.

The room went silent as the girl lunged at Jean and tackled him to the floor. The guy was about to jump in too but I grabbed his arm, causing him to elbow me in the eye. Mikasa was going to kill me.

By the time someone actually got teachers to separate us, the girl had bruised the other side of Jean’s jaw and scratched up his face.

After sitting outside the principal’s office for an hour, Jean burst into tears. He hunched over in one of the cheap plastic chairs and shook as I glared mindlessly at the opposite wall.

I was shaking for an entirely different reason.

I was angry. Angry at myself, angry at Jean, angry at those jerks in the lunchroom...hell I was angry at the whole world for existing. My heart was thundering in my ears and I couldn’t seem to keep a clear thought in my head.

Twisting my fingers in my hair, I tugged until I sat hunched over with my elbows on my thighs. My mind tried to replay how I’d managed to haul that girl off Jean, but the actual fighting was hazy. Whenever I got really furious, I just lost it.

But I sure as hell remembered all the blood on the guy’s face when the security guard dragged me off of him. My knuckles were pretty bruised, so I hadn’t gone easy on him.

And then there was Jean, all bruised and beaten, staring at me wide-eyed as if he’d seen a monster. I’d have to say that was the worst part of fighting, not the bruises. When you turn around, covered in blood, to who you thought you were fighting for, and they’re scared as hell. I’d seen that look on Armin’s face one too many times.

“Kirschtein”, the secretary called. “Jaeger?”

I pulled myself out of my seat still in a bit of a haze, and looked down at Jean. This wasn’t my first time going through the motions, but I didn’t think he’d actually been brought to the office before.

He was mumbling something and still crying, so I placed my hand on his shoulder. The blond tensed up suddenly before sighing and relaxing. Coming to his feet, he wiped his eyes with back of his hand. Licking blood from a cut on his lip, it looked like he’d been cut by his braces.

“That was something”, I shrugged looking at the floor.

Jean nodded mindlessly.

The other two kids had been talked to and given detentions, so our outlook was grim. The fight hadn’t been as big as some of the ones I’d seen at my old school, but this was a magnet school so I supposed they’d have a tighter rule system. This was surprisingly my first punishment at this school.

When we shuffled into the principal’s office, he was glaring right at me even after Jean had entered first.

As I was sitting down, he tried to make eye contact but that just caused me to stare at the floor. Jean was shifting around next to me uncomfortably, so I cleared my throat. The contrast of Jean’s pale skin to my tanned tone in the dark room was more prominent.

“I’ve read your file Jaeger”, he started looking through a manilla folder. “You almost broke that boy’s nose”, he was looking down his glasses, still trying to meet my eyes. “This is not the kind of behavior expected in a magnet school”.

I folded my fingers and squeezed my hands together tightly. I was used to this by now, it didn’t matter who started it, I’d probably get the same punishment if not worse.

“Kirschtein…” the attention was off me, but I didn’t feel any less tense. “I hear you started the altercation, but due to your...’situation’ I’ll just give you two detention until winter break”.

Jean seemed almost as uncomfortable as I was. He was sitting up straight now, but his eyes were focused elsewhere, past the principal. Nodding numbly, he started chewing on his thumbnail.

“Now, I was going to call your parents, but since this is your first offense”, he was looking at me. “I’ll just give you a warning”.

“That’s stupid…”

“Excuse me?” the principal’s gaze flicked over to Jean.

His eyes were hard and his arms were folded over his chest. His knee was bouncing anxiously, but he was scowling.

“Those assholes started everything”, he muttered.

“All the witnesses say you swung first”.

“Yeah, but-”.

“You’re lucky I don’t just suspend your ass for a week Kirschtein”, he snapped.

Jean opened his mouth to speak again, but promptly closed it. I hopped out of my seat and shoved my hands in my pockets.

“Can I go?” I was fidgeting again.

The principal rolled his eyes and waved us off. Not exactly some guy I wanted to talk to for hours.

Jean and I hurried out of the office and into the silent hallway. We’d been held after school and were supposed to go to detention. Most of the students had gone home, so when we stepped into the detention room, the supervisor wasn’t even there. After waiting a good 15 minutes, I mentioned to Jean that we should just bail. Leaving the room, I pulled my headphones around my neck.

Gnawing on my lower lip, I matched Jean’s idling pace towards the school’s exit. He still seemed out of it. My headphones hadn’t been damaged so I didn’t see the incident as that much of a setback.

As we made our way down the hallway, I noticed Jean limping slightly. It reminded me of my first time meeting him. Slowing down more, I allowed myself to walk directly next to him.

“Eren, I…”, he faltered when we stepped outside. “If it were just me I wouldn’t have done anything”.

I kicked a stone ahead of us as we made our way to the parking lot. Pulling my backpack higher up on my shoulders, I sighed.

“I’d been itching for a fight”, I shrugged flexing my fingers.

In all honesty, I needed to blow off some steam every once in a while. Getting angry internally got old and I felt liked I wanted to slam my head into a brick wall.

“I just hate it when people go after my friends”, Jean was unlocking his bike.

Choking on my spit, I hacked loudly for a good minute.

“Uh…?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Wait, we’re friends?” I brushed my hair from my eyes so I could see him clearly.

Jean’s face flushed a deep shade of red.

“I, er, I mean, yeah. At least I thought so? Just like, if you want to?” he was stumbling through his words and fiddling with his handlebars.

“Wh-why wouldn’t we be?” I said almost to myself, hiding my own blush.

“Don’t you...kinda hate me?” Jean met my eyes hesitantly. “I mean, I talk a lot and I’m always bothering you-”

“I don’t mind”, I interrupted.

I hated to admit it but it was nice to have someone pestering me and pressing my limits a little. It kept me on my toes and when it was Jean, it was enjoyable.

“So...friend”, Jean limped his bike over towards me. “Could you do me a favor?”

 

“There’s a downward slope coming up, you’ll be fine!” Jean giggled in my ears.

“I CANNOT.BELIEVE. I AGREED. TO THIS”, I managed through labored breaths.

Somehow Jean had convinced me that I absolutely had to bike him to Marco’s. He stood on the back spokes of his bike with his hands lightly gripping my shoulders as he directed our trip away from school. He was heavier than he looked, but what was bothering me was how lightly he was gripping my shoulders. He barely held on at all and it was making me nervous, if I made too sharp a turn I felt like he’d go flying off.

Jean had carefully explained to me that not only would waiting for a bus take too long, but that Marco’s house was close enough that I wouldn’t really mind. He’d given me puppy dog eyes and complained that his stupid ankle hurt to seal the deal.

I’d been pedaling uphill for at least 30 minutes. Fuck his ankle.

“Ok...now right!”

“Fuck!” I swerved in front of a car as Jean leaned his weight to the right.

The car’s blaring horn faded into the background but it was a grim reminder that we were still near the center of the city. Back home, we could easily bike around in the streets, but out here we were more likely to get hit. Plus, Jean had this habit of calling out directions right before I was supposed to execute them, then putting his full weight into turns without telling me.

As soon as we started down that hill, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I swear to god that thing was on a 45 degree incline.

Jean ended up falling forward onto my shoulders as I leaned backwards, so his chin slammed into my head. This caused me to grip both brakes firmly with a yelp.

We didn’t go down the rest of that hill on the bike.

By the time we got to Marco’s, battered, bruised and laughing, the sun was going down. We threw Jean’s bike on the lawn and were greeted with Connie’s obnoxious laughter, asking if we got mauled by a bear.

Marco on the other hand looked as if all the blood had drained from his body. Frantically hurrying around to bandage us up and treat our scrapes, he babbled about us being careful and not getting into fights. He probably assumed we’d gotten hit by a car or something.

Just as I was getting comfortable, sitting on the floor while the other guys played video games, I checked my phone. I had 3 voicemails from mom and 5 from Mikasa. I didn’t think I could die this many times in one day.

***

I was in my room blasting some metalcore Jean had recommended to me when Mikasa shoved my door open and plopped onto the bed beside me. Without a word, she looked me up and down before sighing. Raising an eyebrow, I frowned.

“Uh...yes?” I was lying on my back so I sat up and glared at her.

“He’s coming over today right?”

I rolled my eyes. Ever since Jean and I had gotten detentions, Mikasa was convinced he was a bad influence on me.

“Well yeah, winter break’s almost over. We should work on our project”, I slid off the bed and looked out the window.

It was snowing again.

“I thought you couldn’t stand him”, Mikasa stretched out on my bed to where I’d been.

“No, well…”, I frowned and turned on her. “Don’t you have some kind of sport to play?’

Mikasa shrugged. “I’m just saying...You were doing so well before you started hanging out with him”.

“It was one fight!” I threw my arms up.

Mikasa rolled her eyes and stared at me with disbelief before padding out of the room.

Watching after my bedroom door, I frowned. Mikasa did kind of have a point. Although I only served one detention sentence, I’d been staying out later, ditching class, and getting involved in minor altercations.

But it wasn’t like Jean was making me do those things, at least in my opinion. I was just enjoying having a new friend, I guess we just got carried away sometimes.

“Eren!”

I snapped out of my thoughts and headed towards our staircase. Stopping at the landing, I peered over the railing.

“Yeah?”

“Would you take out the trash?” mom called from somewhere in the living room.

I groaned but glomped down the stairs. It was freezing outside _and_ snowing. Did I really have to do this now? Why couldn’t I wait until after Jean got here so I’d have a reason to walk him home?

When I got downstairs, mom was splayed on the couch sipping hot chocolate. With her hair tied up in a makeshift bun, she looked relaxed and comfortable for the first time in a while.

“I’ll make you some when you get back”, she wiggled her toes in bunny slippers.

“Yeah, yeah”, I was at the door and pulling on my boots and bubble jacket without her asking twice.

The cold air burned my nose as I inhaled the scent of fresh snow. It didn’t usually snow this bad in the midwest, but right now I was trudging through about 2 feet of the crap. It had all come yesterday so I’d just stayed inside instead of going to meet Jean at his house like we’d planned. After much complaining and a compromise that I write the paper myself, he agreed to come over my house.

Hauling the trash bag over my shoulder, I walked down the unplowed sidewalk, past Jean’s house to the trash bin. It’d been pointless to do any of that arguing really, I was basically just standing outside his house anyway.

Stopping at the end of the block, I paused to check my phone before opening the bin.

 **From: TheHottestBoyYouKnow** : _You lame, wth are you doin outside my house?_

Groaning, I ignored the message and was rewarded with a snowball to my back. Stiffening, I shivered.

“Don’t ignore my texts you shit!”

Laughing, I turned on none other than Jean himself patting another snowball in his ungloved hands. Apparently, he’d grown up in warm weather, so his dumbass didn’t understand how to dress for the cold.

“You’re gonna catch a cold, you moron”, I tossed the trash in the bin and ducked under his next snowball.

Jean only had a hoodie and sneakers on in the 30 degree weather. His nose and cheeks were bright pink, but at least his stupid hat covered his ears. Because he’d let his hair grow out, the front stuck out and made him look emo.

“Shut up”, he sniffed gently with a smile.

Grinning, I approached him slowly with my hands out. Laughing, I broke into a run. With a look of horror, Jean sprinted down the block towards my house. Jean was definitely faster than me, but he had no stamina. I caught up to him quickly and scooped him up by his waist. Cackling, I lifted him high, kicking and yelling, before dunking him in the deeper snow.

With all of his exposed skin covered in snow and bright red, Jean glared at me before dragging himself out of snow. Yanking his glasses off, he shivered and shoved them into his hoodie’s pocket. He didn’t look amused.

“Did not prepare myself to be picked up…”, he sighed and pouted at me, which was totally not cute. Not at all.

I shuffled over to him and shrugged. “I didn’t prepare myself to for a skinny blond to throw snowballs at me”.

“If I’m so light, then why were you complaining about biking me the other day?” Jean flashed his trademark smirk and started walking again.

Without a word, I shoved him lightly, in my opinion, but he stumbled and crashed back into the snow.

He chased me all the way back to my front door before we ended up rolling around in the snow. When we came in the door after cleaning off, Mikasa was pulling on her coat.

“I’m gonna go to Armin’s”, she spoke to me. Pausing, she eyed Jean. “I thought mom told you to take the trash _out_ ”.

I stifled laughter while Jean simply blushed and attempted to sputter back a retort. Once Mikasa left we helped my mom make hot chocolate with Jean babbling about how uncool he’d been in front of Mikasa.

For whatever reason, my mom thought Jean was the most adorable friend I had. I don’t even know where she got that from seeing as she got to see Armin at least 5 times a week. Compared to him, Jean was like a cockroach. He always had to retell these stories of how I managed to embarrass myself in someway at school, of course leaving out his participation in many of the incidents. As soon as our drinks were ready, I was stalking out of the kitchen muttering about kicking his ass back out into the snow.

I was surprised my mom liked Jean. She usually got on my case about being rude, but apparently she thought it was cute when he teased me. In fact, when he’d come over for the first time to return our pie dish, she literally dragged him in the door and sat him at our dinner table. He’d wanted to stay for a bit, but she made him eat dinner with us which was awkward.

Having Jean in my home was always a little strange for me. He was the kind of person to adjust quickly to his environment, so he never seemed shy about wandering to the bathroom or even just looking at family pictures. He’d come by the house, in the living room, to bother me a few times for homework but having him in my room was a whole other issue.

On the way up the stairs, I noticed he wasn’t timid about walking on my heels or nudging me forward. By the time we reached the door, I found myself pausing. With my hands shaking, it occurred to me that I hadn’t actually had another friend in my room other than Armin. This was all so strange to me but the cocky bastard was acting like this was no big deal.

“Are we gonna do this project?” Jean sipped both my and his hot chocolate

“Uh...yeah”, I snatched my drink.

Sighing, I pushed my door open with my foot.

Standing to the side, I let Jean have a full view of my living space. His thin golden eyes widened as his lips pulled into a grin.

“Holy shit! A drumset?” the blond pushed past me so I was quick to take his drink.

Shuffling into my room, I placed our hot chocolates on my nightstand. I cringed as Jean surveyed every inch of my room carefully. Stepping over the junk I had covering the floor, including but not limited to: clothes, boxes of candy, and notebooks, he shoved his hands into his pockets.The blond made sure to inspect each of my CD’s and records, making judgmental noises as he went. I was left fidgeting awkwardly by my bed when he paused by my desk to gawk at a picture of me from 7th grade.

“So...you were blond?” , he snickered.

He sure as hell was one to talk.

“Shut up”, I snatched the frame and tossed it onto one of the many piles of clothes on my floor. “I thought it was cute…”

Jean looked me up and down. Subconsciously worrying my lip between my teeth, I felt my cheeks heat up. Amber eyes unabashedly traced across the features of my face but stopped at my coffee-colored locks.

“I think your natural hair is cute”, he shrugged and continued surveying my room.

Blinking silently, I tried to get my mind to start working again. It didn’t work so I ended up plopping down on my bed and watching him inspect my drumsticks. His red hoodie was still damp, but his black jeans seemed mostly dry. Sniffling, Jean sat backwards in my swivel desk chair and picked up my guitar.

“Cold?” I opened up my laptop.

“Mhmm”, he reached down and grabbed a sweater of mine off the floor. “Jeez, when was the last time you cleaned in here?”

Rolling my eyes, I folded my legs and totally didn’t pay attention to him changing into my sweater. I swear to god this kid barely had any shame, he just ripped his hoodie off and tossed it on the floor like this wasn’t my house.

My eyes caught on his black binder as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. I kinda thought it looked like a sports bra so I flicked my eyes back to my laptop shyly. As the the sounds of shifting clothes stopped, I looked up to find Jean rolling up the sleeves because they completely covered his hands. Sticking out his tongue at me, he combed his hair back and searched the inside of the sweater for his hat. He was swimming in black fabric.

“Ew, it smells like you”.

“Are we gonna work on this damn project?”

Jean laughed, but was sitting next to me in a moment. His nose wasn’t that red, but his cheeks were still flushed. Grabbing his hot chocolate, he curled up near the headboard and sipped loudly wiggling his socked toes.

We managed to work for about an hour without arguing, lord knows how. It was over something stupid like the font, but Jean ended up throwing a pillow at me. Enraged, I pushed him off my bed and onto a stack of blankets. That made him shove me against my dresser, a little hard I’ll admit.

Groaning, I rubbed my arm.

“Shit, sorry”, Jean held his hand out to help me up.

“Dumbass”, I pulled him back onto the floor. “What if my mom yelled at us?”

Jean pouted, lying on his back.

“You’re the one who shoved me off your bed”, he rolled to his side and stretched.

I watched his back arch before pulling myself off the floor. Straightening my clothes, I sat back on my bed. We were actually almost done with the project. The presentation was all put together, we’d managed to bullshit a pretty good paper but we still needed props-

“I was thinking about telling Marco”.

Tying my hair back, I glared down at Jean still lying on the floor. I wasn’t about to finish the rest of the work all by myself.

“Tell him what?”

He rolled onto his back and sighed rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. Keeping his eyes covered, he inhaled sharply.

“Y’know, whenever we go to gym, I change in the stalls. He doesn’t say anything, but I can tell he thinks it’s weird”.

I watched him silently as he shifted to chew on his thumbnail.

“Or how I never go to the bathroom with him. There’s no way he believes that I somehow never have to pee at the same time”.

Combing his hair back again, Jean met my eyes.

“How do...How do I tell my best friend I’ve been lying to him? God, he trusts me with everything! But I can’t even tell him I’m-”, he looked up at the ceiling suddenly.

Stretching his hands up, he played with his fingers.

“Whatever, forget it”, Jean slowly got up.

I couldn’t hold his gaze, so I wrung my fingers in my lap.

“You told _me_ ”, I glanced at his eyebrows. “And we’re not really…”, I trailed off.

“Yeah but-”, Jean paused then frowned. “It was easier though”.

Feeling my chest tighten, I held my breath. Marco was Jean’s best friend, it was so obvious even people who didn’t know him could see it. I was reminded of how easily Jean could lean over and whisper in Marco’s ear. If he tried anything like that with me, I’d probably punch him.

“Are you scared or something?”

My question hung in the tense air as Jean started to pace. His soft footfalls created a steady rhythm before he finally responded.

“I don’t know...I’ve just never had a friend like Marco. I feel like I’m lying to him, but it’s just so hard to tell him”, he motioned with his hands.

“Why was it easy to tell me?”

Jean burst into laughter, startling me into meeting his eyes.

“You just...understand y’know? I feel like I don’t have to explain stuff to you”, he shrugged smiling lightly.

Scoffing, I tossed a pillow at him that he caught.

“He’ll understand”, I looked down at my hands.

“Yeah?” Jean spoke hesitantly.

“Yep”, I got up and picked my acoustic up off the floor. “Anyway, here’s Wonderwall…”

Apparently Jean was so offended he felt the need to leave the room. Laughing, I put my guitar down and folded my arms over the back of my chair. I felt a little giddy, but I couldn’t exactly place the feeling. It was like my chest felt fuzzy and full of cotton, but that I was also kind of choking on it…

There was a knock on my door.

Hopping out of my chair, I was only slightly surprised to find Jean leaning against the frame on the other side.

“Um, where’s your upstairs bathroom?” he chewed his lip, watching the floor in embarrassment.

Rolling my eyes again, I smirked and led him down the hall. Gesturing like a waiter to the toilet, I forced a courteous smile.

“Jesus, your sister has a lot of make-up”, Jean was fiddling around with a tube of eyeliner.

I stiffened and rubbed the back of my neck nervously.

“That’s...that’s actually mine”, I averted my eyes from his gaze.

I could always tell with Jean when I said something weird. He fumbled the eyeliner and it hit the edge of the sink. I could feel his eyes on my face in the mirror’s reflection. Jean’s lips parted gently as he blinked a few times. Feeling my skin prickle, I nervously scratched my arm.

“And your mom’s not weird about it?” he picked the tube back up and spoke to his hands.

Moving it around between his fingers, Jean reached to pick up the lipstick next. He looked like he was actually reading the labels.

“No…She kinda got used to the femme thing a while ago”, I stepped next to him and watched his hands in the mirror. “You think it’s weird”.

Jean shrugged and pushed both items back to the corner of the countertop. “‘sat why you’re nails are always painted?”

I messed with my ponytail, chewing on my lip.

“I guess...I just kinda like”, I raised my hands with air quotes. “ ‘girly stuff’”, I shrugged. “Kinda always have…”, I watched Jean’s face for a reaction.

The blond’s nails were scratching at the labeling of some mascara when I cleared my throat to get his attention. Looking up, he blushed lightly.

“Get out, I hafta pee”.

Shoving me out of the bathroom, he closed the door without another word. I was still feeling tingly, but I managed to get back to my room without bursting into flames. It felt so weird talking to Jean about gender things. He always got a little touchy.

When he came back later with his glasses perched on his nose, he sat on my bed to help finish the project. I didn’t say anything if I noticed an unnatural redness to his lips.

 

***

After we got back from break, I found myself texting Jean a lot more. It was usually something dumb like asking about the homework or him just bothering me because he was bored and Marco was asleep. We soon found out that we both had a knack for staying up till ungodly hours then dragging ourselves to school completely exhausted.

Then the gaming started. That asshole thought he was a boss at any racing game so I always had to put his ass in its place. We were either over Marco’s or Jean’s house every other week gaming on the weekends until the sun came up. It became mechanical to just show up at Marco’s and sit next to Connie and join in on Smash. I thought it was nice to have a group to belong to.

For the longest time, it really was just Mikasa, Armin and I. Mikasa and Armin were always mildly good at socializing while I always seemed to stray outside of groups. The best part was, that they fit well with my new friends as well. Armin loved hanging out with us at the mall and Mikasa loved kicking everyone’s ass in MarioKart. It was almost too good to be true. My time seemed to be divided between hanging with friends or having Jean drag me to some store.

After Spring Break, Jean convinced me to cut my hair. Literally no one else got to me, including mom, but as soon as Jean offered to go with me and get his hair cut as well, I was on board with the idea. My hair had grown out to my chin so I had to get used to feeling air on the back of my neck for about a week. At least it was getting warmer.

Over time, Jean continued to mention that he never got around to talking to Marco, but it didn’t seem like he should rush to me. It took me so long to put into words how I felt about myself, I couldn’t imagine having to explain it to someone else. God knows it took me forever to even consider not hiding my eyes. And even longer to bother putting on eyeliner.

 

On a warm night in late May, I started getting weird texts from Jean. It was around 3am so I didn’t take him seriously when he said he was freaking out. But I got the hint when a pebble bounced off my window.

Sliding it open, I looked down at Jean standing in an eerie moonlight shaking as if it was cold. Shivering under the oak tree outside my window, the blond wrapped his arms around himself and watched me carefully. Leaning over on the windowsill, I hissed down at him.

“What the actual _fuck_ Kirschtein?? _”_

Jean jumped like a foot in the air before yanking at the longer strands of his hair.

“Fuck, I’m sorry...sorry..Fuck, I just-”, he stopped and met my eyes.

Without his glasses on, I could see his eyes were red.

Groaning, I cursed my empathy. Slipping shorts over my boxers, I pulled a jacket over my bare chest. Pulling my red flip flops out from under my bed, I grumbled under my breath and checked around the room before putting my phone in my pocket.

Sitting on the windowsill with my legs hanging over the edge, I zipped up my fly and eyed the branch closest to the window. It seemed like my only option would be to try and climb down the tree while half asleep. Great.

Reaching for the sturdiest looking branch, I watched Jean pace anxiously below me. Jumping for the tree’s trunk, I hooked my legs around and held onto the branch. Sliding down, I reached for another branch before swinging and landing on the balls of my feet.

“Did you just fucking jump out of a second story window??” Jean was startled when I landed in front of him.

Blearily letting his face into focus, I rubbed my eyes again before yawning.

“Technically, I climbed down the tree”, I huffed and tried to catch my breath.

Apparently one question was the farthest reach of Jean’s concern, because he promptly looked away and started pacing again. Rubbing the back of my neck, I scowled at him. He’d obviously called me down here for something, he needed to spit it out. When he turned on his heel again, his eyes caught on my bare chest.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong or just keep pacing?” I shoved my hands in my pockets, keeping my voice low.

Jean’s eyes snapped to mine before he threw his hands up in frustration. I didn’t have time to move before he threw his phone at me.

“Ow! What the f-!”

“Were you even reading my texts??” Jean whisper-yelled back.

Groaning, I threw his phone back at him.

“Dude, it’s 3-fucking-am just give me a break and spell it the fuck out for me!”

I swore Jean actually fucking growled at me before dragging his hands down his face. Taking a deep breath, he finally seemed to stop vibrating.

“Sorry”, he sighed. “Maybe here isn’t…”, he glanced at my open window. “...the best place”.

Yawning, I shrugged and wondered just how many bugs I’d find in my room later. Jean was still wearing the Gorillaz sweater he’d “borrowed” from me even though it felt like 80 fucking degrees outside. My concern only rose.

“You lead the way”, I stumbled forward and almost tripped over my own feet. “I’m not awake”, I rubbed my eyes. “Whyn’t you call Freckles?”

Jean gave me an exasperated look and started down the block, away from our houses. I jogged to catch up to his meandering pace. We walked a few blocks silently, I taking in how empty the neighborhood looked while Jean seemed lost in his own little world.

“I tried telling him today”, he was fidgeting with the still too long sleeves of my sweater when he broke the silence.

“Yeah?”, I yawned again trying to focus.

“We were in the locker room, and I’d forgotten my shirt so I was just gonna borrow Marco’s extra one. Of course he asked why I was going back out to the stalls, he said that would just take me longer. I froze up and was about to tell him about my binder when Connie joked about me having to hide my tits”, Jean paused at the stoplight at the end of the block.

“I know he didn’t mean anything by it, but then Marco told Connie I wasn’t a girl”, we crossed the street when the light changed. “I couldn’t tell him after that...How could I? I just laughed with them and ran to the bathroom”.

Jean kicked a stone on the sidewalk.

“Then I remembered having to change in the bathroom during middle school. I didn’t dare go in any locker room then. If I went into the b-boys-”, he stammered to a stop when we neared the abandoned playground past the strip mall.

The old park had broken, rusted metal slides that the city never bothered to tear down. Its soft turf had been ripped up and bared the firm concrete underneath. All that remained mildly functional were the rusted swing sets near the edge where turf became a thick row of trees.

We ended up wandering over to them in complete silence. Along with the fact that I was still half-asleep, I had no idea what to say to Jean. He was just talking out loud to sort things in his head, but I felt a little awkward just following him around.

I looked up at the starless sky and gripping the chains of the swings, I sat down. Jean plopped down next to me as I twiddled my thumbs. I was slowly waking up more.

“When I first asked teachers to start calling me Jean, most didn’t care enough to argue with me. Most people thought it was a joke or something. But as time went on, I started finding notes in my lockers. Other kids weren’t so quiet with their comments”, he continued to watch the sky wistfully. “I even found a skirt in my locker once. I wasn’t exactly good at talking to people so I was kinda all alone”.

“I pushed people away...and they didn’t come back”, he sighed and chewed his thumbnail. “I don’t know if I can do that again”.

By this point I could feel my throat tightening up. It always amazed me just how open Jean could be with me at times. He was pouring his mind out, possibly his heart, without a second thought. But there were times when I didn’t even knew he was absent with a flu until Marco told me days later.

“So you’re saying you don’t trust Marco?” I spoke louder than I meant to, then cleared my throat. “Or Connie and Sasha?”

Jean simply tilted his head to the side and rested it on his hand. Kicking up some wood chips he shook his head.

“So, if you trust them, you know they wouldn’t hurt you, right?” I kicked myself back to start swinging. “I mean, Marco’s put up with your attitude so far…”

“I guess”, Jean scoffed. “It’s just eating me up, y’know?”

“Hmm”, I swung on the rusty swing as it creaked and whined under my weight. “Well you’ve always got me”.

“Yeah, but you always smell like peppermint. Do you know how weird that is?”

Offended, I stopped myself abruptly and kicked wood chips at Jean.

“What the hell is wrong with peppermint?? It’s my goddamned shampoo!!”

“I dunno man, that’s some fruity shit…”

I physically felt my eyelid twitch. Standing up, I shoved an indignant Jean to the ground. He had the smart idea of grabbing onto my jacket, so I tumbled down on top of him into the pointy wood chips.

Sitting up on my forearms, I glared down at him.

“What the fuck is wrong with being fruity, you-”, I shut my mouth when I realized Jean was cackling beneath me.

His arm was thrown across his face, but it couldn’t hide the fact that his cheeks were a furious red. He was blushing all the way up to his ears and I could see hints of tears forming at the corners of his eyes. As he started shaking harder, I did the first thing that came to mind.

Sitting him up, I pulled him against my bare chest in a hug and let him press his face into my shoulder as he started to cry. My heart was racing as I worried my lip between my teeth. To this day, I didn’t know what the hell he was crying about. It could’ve been sleep deprivation, his issues with Marco, or the dumb smell of my shampoo.

Either way, I just hoped he couldn’t hear the frantic beating of my heart as we sat there for what felt like hours. It was almost as erratic as the way I tried to place my hands on his back gently, because he was squeezing the hell out of me.

 

Back at school Jean acted as if the whole thing hadn’t happened. Not that he avoided me or anything, but he seemed to cling to Marco more than usual. It made sense to me. It looked like he’d worked out whatever problem he’d been having.

I wasn’t his best friend, I never was. We just happened to have some of the same issues and I was pretty sure I’d just convinced him that Marco was the one he really should be talking to anyway. He shouldn’t fight with his best friend like he fought with me. He and Marco were best friends for a reason.

During the first week of June, everyone was completely done with school. Even Armin, to my surprise, had stopped caring about classwork. Most people were pissed we still had another week while some took it as a blessing.

One particularly hot friday afternoon found me at an ice cream shop surrounded by people who I’d come to call my friends. I was still getting used to the word.

It just happened that they all seemed to know each other. Marco and Connie were in Mikasa’s Spanish class, Armin was in Jean’s math class, and Sasha seemed to have the same lunch as Mikasa. I didn’t quite understand it, but they all seemed to get along well enough.

“So ya'll are gonna come?” Marco pointed his spoon at everyone around the table.

Jean huffed. “If I’m going, they have to go”.

“Parties aren’t that bad”, Sasha paused in chewing her waffle cone. “Plus, Marco’s cousin is throwing it”.

“Ymir right?” Connie stole some of Marco’s ice cream before the freckled boy could pull it away.

“Yeah, her birthday’s like a week after mine so our parents smush ‘em together. This time they’re lettin’ her use the whole house”, Marco looked concerned about the whole idea.

“Wait, Ymir the captain of the softball team?” Mikasa’s eyes lit up as she finished her chocolate ice cream.

“I heard she almost got kicked off after that incident with the pick up truck and the ball machine-” Jean started.

“Oh yeah! I heard about that, wasn’t it almost a year ago?” Armin chimed in.

“Dude you shoulda seen it!” Connie’s eyes went wide. “My sister said she almost tore up the whole field and-”

“C’mon guys, she’s not some kinda demon…”, Marco muttered.

“But have you seen her girlfriend? Holy shit!” Sasha was waving her half-eaten cone around. “I thought she was a freshman!”

“Krista? Yeah, she’s on the varsity volleyball team with me”, Mikasa leaned over to sip Armin’s drink.

“Krista in volleyball shorts?” Jean sighed and Connie burst into laughter while Marco groaned.

Sasha stole a sip of Jean’s milkshake from across the table as the group lulled back into smaller conversations. I bit off another chunk of my rocket pop and started picking at my nails. I liked sitting with a lot of people, but large groups made me feel a little left out. Reaching for my headphones around my neck, I realized I’d forgotten them at home for once.

“Eren, you comin’?”

I blinked Marco’s face into focus.

“What?”

Everyone else was still chattering.

“To my party next Saturday?” Marco laughed brightly. “Guess you still space out even without headphones…”

“Uh, sure”, I shrugged. “As long as the music isn’t crappy”.

“Great!” Marco squeezed my shoulder and turned to Jean.

“Eren said he’d go”, Marco elbowed the blond in the side.

Yelping, Jean shoved Marco gently before leaning across towards me.

“Seeya there”, he laughed before snatching Marco’s ice cream and eating as much as he could before the brunet could take it back.

Nodding, I was grateful when Mikasa dragged me into her conversation with Sasha about what to wear. My skin was still burning from Jean’s amber gaze.

***

I didn’t understand what was wrong with me today. It rarely took me this long to pick out clothes, but now I was setting record time. I usually just threw on whatever was clean and rushed out the door.

Standing in the bathroom, I kept fidgeting in the mirror and adjusting the way my tank top fell off my shoulders. Turning to the side, I flexed my biceps to watch my dark skin grow taut. I wasn’t stringy but I wasn’t exactly toned either.

Moving to adjust my hair, I couldn’t decide between brushing my bangs back, combing them to the right….to the left…

One of my main issues was that I’d taken the time to put on eyeliner and mascara the way Mikasa showed me. I usually hated drawing attention to my eyes, but the bright orange I was wearing really made them look less awkward. Blinking at my reflection, I worried my lip between my teeth before leaving my bangs to fall wherever.

Now, what color shorts-

“Eren what the hell?” Armin glared at me from the doorway.

I only gave him a glance before I was trying on different denim shorts.

“Black or burgundy”, Armin sighed before sidling up next to me. “Why’re you dressing up so much?”

Armin was wearing jeans and what looked like a Walmart t-shirt. I slipped the burgundy shorts on and pulled a black belt through the loops.

“It’s a party with upperclassmen, right?” I shrugged watching my lips in the reflection, considering lip gloss.

“I realize, but why do you care?” the blond was flipping through his phone.

Probably texting the birthday boy himself.

“I just-”, I paused chewing my lips again. “I think I’m getting a little better”.

Armin lifted his eyes at that.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve really tried hard this year to fit in better. I was kind of getting tired of being picked last in sports”, I rubbed my arm. “Tonight, I’m gonna have fun and try to enjoy myself”.

“Fuck yeah”, Armin grinned and dragged me out of the bathroom by my collar. “But we’re already late so hurry up”.

In the car, I texted Jean for the entire drive. He was sure to bless me with snaps of the current partying as well as his horrible singing along to the pop music in the background. By the time Armin, Mikasa, and I piled out of mom’s car, I was buzzing with nervous energy. Seeing Jean’s stupid braces-filled smile had gotten my blood pumping.

When we got to the door, a tall girl with brown hair and freckles across her face answered. With only the backlight seeping out from the house, she appeared more menacing than she probably was. I hoped.

There was music thumping from inside the medium sized home, so loud anyone on the street could hear it. When I peeked around her, I didn’t expect to see so many people crammed inside.

Blowing a bubble of pink gum, the girl popped it with her teeth.

“Mikasa!” her face lit up as she pulled my sister inside.

Armin and I exchanged a confused look before following.

“Krista’s told me so much about you…”, the girl had captured Mikasa and dragged her deep into the house before the two of us could figure out what was going on.

Whenever I used to go over Marco’s, his house had seemed so spacious. Now it looked like it could barely hold the amount of people inside. Marco’s house wasn’t exactly a mansion but it managed to fit a whole lot of the freshman and junior class, which wasn’t a good mix in my opinion.

I noticed two people lighting up on the couch.

“Our first high school party”, I nudged Armin mostly to make sure he was still there.

“Uh...yeah”, he nodded blankly.

I appreciated the thumping music as it helped me to think and concentrate on something other than the masses of people lounging around the house. I recognized a few people from school, but they weren’t people I knew. At least until Sasha plowed into me.

“Eren! You look so pretty!” she gushed squeezing my cheeks between her palms.

Armin burst into laughter as I sputtered and blushed up a storm. Content with flustering me, Sasha grabbed Armin’s hand and led us into the kitchen down the hall. I tried to get my heart rate back down to normal, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t stay that way for too long.

Everyone I knew was gathered around a marble countertop shoving pizza or chips into their mouths. Connie was laughing at what I assumed Marco’d said because he was waving his arms around like crazy, flushed bright red. Both of them were holding red cups so I glanced around for where I could grab one. Something cold sounded nice.

Then I saw him.

My breath caught in my throat as my eyes met Jean’s. He’d been leaning back against the counter talking to a small blond on the other side of the kitchen, but he straightened up as soon as we made eye contact. Dressed in skinnies and a button up, he had his hair slicked back. He’d tightened his fist around his drink until the girl got his attention again. Then with a blush, he brought his attention back to her.

When I remembered to breathe again, Sasha was talking to me.

“...and there’s video games in the basement. So basically, just don’t go upstairs”, she grinned as I nodded along with Armin.

I hoped I hadn’t missed anything important because my brain was still processing Jean Kirschtein in a button-up. Something about seeing his forearms with rolled up sleeves was making it hard to concentrate.

“We should probably greet the birthday boy”, Armin made his way over to Marco while I followed in a stupor.

“You guys made it!” Connie pulled Armin into a hug that he wasn’t prepared for.

“Yeah, this beauty queen over here took forever to put on his clothes”, Armin chuckled careful to avoid Connie’s drink.

“I just wanted to look nice, yeah?” I pouted indignantly.

“Don’t worry, you do”, Marco handed me a cup of what looked like Dr. Pepper and winked.

And _..._ My brain was short circuiting again.

I ended up smiling shyly until Marco laughed and brought up how he’d had to order more pizza because Ymir had invited more people than she’d told his parents.

I relaxed into the conversation, occasionally taking sips of what turned out to be in fact Dr. Pepper. Marco seemed excited to have all his friends in one place and was glad all of us could come.

Honestly, I was surprised at myself for even showing up. I didn’t do big functions with people I didn’t know, it usually ended in some kind of altercation. But right now, I only felt a little anxious. Great start.

“I’m telling you, some of her friends are so-”, Marco’s eyes focused on something behind me. “Holy shit. Put that down!” Marco shoved his drink into Connie’s hands and rushed past us.

Some upperclassmen was bench-pressing the coffee table in the living room. Armin whistled in amazement but I could only find it in me to laugh.

Armin and I mingled with Connie until Sasha found her way over to us. Marco was trying not to let his house get wrecked so we kept to ourselves and munched on whatever snacks Sasha had snuck out of the house’s cabinets.

“I am soooo ready for summer!” Sasha exclaimed hopping up on the kitchen counter.

“Dude yes, I didn’t think I could take another Biology lecture”, Connie groaned leaning back against her legs.

“What’re you guys gonna do?” I tilted my head to the side.

“We could go to six flags...there’s that new water park...And that new part of the mall’s opening too!” Sasha paused in chewing a mouthful of pretzels.

“Oh, I’m doing that engineering camp thing…”, Armin murmured.

“Nerd”, I elbowed him lightly. “You’ll still have time for us right?”

Armin just laughed and shrugged, but I actually wanted an answer. If he didn’t, it might actually be our first summer apart since we’d become friends.

“Isn’t Jean doing summer training for the soccer team or something?” Connie poured himself more soda.

“Pfft, I dunno. That or some other sport”, Sasha pointedly looked over at said boy still talking to a different upperclassmen.

Everyone in the group seemed to tense up.

“Have you noticed anything weird about Jean lately?” Connie lowered his voice.

I furrowed my brows. Jean was always weird in my opinion. It’d be hard to tell if he was more weird than normal.

“I mean, he actually started doing the math homework last minute”, Armin offered.

Sasha scoffed.

“What about you Eren?” Connie motioned at me with his cup.

I paused, still sipping my drink. Knowing what Jean was up to was more of Marco’s thing. He hadn’t actually talked to me in a while.

“Uh...I dunno, I think he said something about working out…?” I managed shifting my weight around anxiously.

Armin chuckled, causing the skin on the back of my neck to break out in goosebumps.

“Just figured you’d know since you guys are so close”, Connie turned his attention over to Jean.

“I’m not-”, I could feel my heart racing.

“Yeah, I mean, we were all surprised when he came out to us”, Sasha shot me her brightest grin. “I’m kinda glad he trusts us too”.

“Wait, when did…”, I trailed off snapping my attention to Jean.

Marco’s doorbell was like some kind of thunderous wind chime from hell. It echoed throughout the house and even made me jump start. Then came Marco rushing into the kitchen like a madman. The poor boy’s hair was sticking out in all directions and he was still tugging his fingers through the disheveled strands.

“Dude, you okay?” Connie grabbed one of his hands and shoved a drink into it.

“I need to find Ymir. I am _not_ paying for her pizza and policing her guests any-”, a loud crash and a chorus of laughing erupted from the other room. “This is _my_ party too”, he downed the cup’s contents.

“I’ll look for her”, I piped up.

It was a good excuse for me to leave the awkward atmosphere and hopefully find Mikasa. My hands were starting to shake, so walking would do me some good.

I didn’t bother waiting for an answer and slipped away from them and into the living room where the music was louder. I regretted not bring my headphones or earbuds just in case, but I’d been in such a rush to leave the house it hadn’t occurred to me that anything would go bad.

Dropping my cup off at a random table, I cursed the tingling feeling I felt on my fingertips. Flexing my fingers repeatedly, I moved through the crowd searching for Mikasa. I just needed to see her face for a little reassurance that I was in fact going to be okay for the rest of the night.

Everything had been going fine. I didn’t understand why I was suddenly getting so anxious. Not even Armin’s presence beside me had kept my heart rate down.

“Eren!”

“You kinda ran away from everyone”, Armin caught up to me and matched my pace.

“Yep”, I nodded hopping over two people with their legs stretched across the hallway.

“And now you’re walkin’ _pretty_ fast”, he grabbed my shoulder to slow me down.

“Mhmm”, I nodded again furiously before putting my hand over his.

“Any reason why in particular?” we found ourselves in the den where smaller groups of people were having smaller conversations.

“Nope, uh-uh, not at all”, I stopped walking and almost started vibrating. “Unless you know why I’m so damned awkward all the time”, then my fingers were in my hair.

“You aren’t”, Armin reassured me, but I just grumbled and looked for my sister.

Armin’s idle humming made me feel a little better. But I couldn’t shake how I’d gotten so touchy when people mentioned how close I was to Jean. It just didn’t sound right to me, we weren’t actually the best of friends as far as I was concerned. Was I acting strange? Was I being clingy or something? Jean hadn’t even greeted me when Armin and I saw him in the kitchen. I didn’t know how to do this whole new friend thing.

Spotting Mikasa’s pitch black hair tied up in a ponytail, I pointed her out to Armin. Incidentally, we also found Ymir.

I hadn’t gotten a good look at the girl who’d answered the door, but now that I saw her, she did resemble Marco a bit. Ymir was still chewing gum, making the random freckles on her cheeks move with the motion. Just as we approached, she let out a boisterous laugh. It was a little disorienting.

She was crammed between Mikasa and a tall blond guy who looked more like a college student than a high schooler. On Mikasa’s other side was relaxed looking blond girl who decided perching on the couch’s armrest was the most comfortable place in the world for her to sit. Ymir was trying to get Mikasa’s attention, but Mikasa seemed more interested in talking to the girl who honestly didn’t look too interested.

“When’s the pizza gonna get here?” Ymir muttered to the tall blond guy at her side.

Mikasa happened to look up and see Armin and I standing in the middle of the room. I didn’t know if it was obvious that I wasn’t okay, but she was on her feet without me having to say anything. Inadvertently, she brought everyone’s attention to us.

“Need to go home?” she lowered her voice and matched my gaze.

“No, I just needed to move around a bit”, I shrugged digging the toe of my shoe into the carpet.

“We didn’t know where you went after Ymir dragged you off”, Armin covered.

“Oh, yeah. She was talking about how Krista talked about me all the time then she wouldn’t stop pestering me into joining softball”, Mikasa folded her arms across her chest.

The sounds of my friend’s voices was helping me relax a little. Worrying my lip between my teeth, I felt Armin let go of my shoulder. Dropping my hands, I shoved them in my pockets so I didn’t idly rub at my arm.

“Well if it isn’t the cutie brigade”.

I looked up to see the tall, blond upperclassman stand besides Mikasa. I instinctively bristled, but Mikasa seemed comfortable with his presence. Then Ymir came up beside him and slung her arm over his shoulder. Or tried to anyway.

“Know right? Wish my eyeliner was that good”, her bright eyes met mine with a sly grin.

For the first time in a while, I found myself unable to break eye contact with someone I didn’t know. She wasn’t wearing eyeliner.

“Marco said the pizza was here”, I blurted.

“Fuckin’ A!” Ymir was gone without another word, shoving people out of the way to get to the front door.

“I can totally see her driving that pick-up truck with the ball machine in the bed now…” Armin murmured.

“You guys heard about that? Dude you should’ve seen it!”

“These Marco’s friends?” the blonde girl Mikasa had been talking to before popped up beside the guy, she looked like an angry child compared to him.

“Yeah, Mikasa’s brother and his friend…”, the blond guy motioned at Armin.

“Eren”, Mikasa waved at me. “And Armin”, she offered.

“Sweet. I’m Reiner, this here’s Annie”, turning over his shoulder he pointed out the blonde.

Reiner motioned at a person who was passed out on the couch.

“That’s Bertholdt. He pulled two all-nighters for finals”, Reiner laughed.

Bertholdt grumbled from the couch but made no move other than that. His body was slumped so far into the cushions, it appeared that he was melting into them.

“Kasa, you never told me your brother was prettier than you”, Annie looked me up and down.

I thought it’d be better if my heart stopped all together for the whole party. I wasn’t gonna make it if people kept talking about me.

“He was literally at all the games”, Mikasa shifted closer to me.

“Oh yeah, you made varsity this year, right?” Reiner questioned. “Amazing for a freshman”.

“That’s why Ymir was trying to get her into softball”, Annie’s cool gaze held on Mikasa.

“You two play anything?” Reiner grabbed a bowl of chips and started munching on them.

“Er, I’m more of a math team guy. But Eren played baseball, football, soccer, volleyball...Why’d you stop martial arts?” Armin prattled.

“He never sticks with anything very long”, Mikasa cut in.

“I don’t like playing on teams”, I shrugged narrowing my eyes at them.

Reiner honestly seemed interested in us while Annie plopped down next to Bertholdt and whipped out her phone.

“Think I could get you to try out for football?” Reiner looked me and up and down. “You look like you could take it”.

Dropping my eyes to the floor, I chewed my lip.

“Dunno, I don’t like going to tournaments and stuff”.

“Awww, c’mon! At least try yeah?” Reiner laughed but waved his hand nonchalantly. “But no pressure”.

“You should at least join some kind of club anyway”, Mikasa nudged me slightly.

I found myself smiling gently.

“I’ll think about it”.

All this talk made me want to do something active again. I’d quit because when you got to a certain level, suddenly everyone wanted you to get serious and compete. But the physical exercise had actually really made me feel better after a long day.

“You’re a junior right? Don’t you get out of gym for being on varsity?” Armin sipped his drink.

“Dude yeah! Big perk! I get a study hall”.

Maybe I’d try out junior year.

“Look alive you shits! Pizza is here!” Ymir called from somewhere else in the house.

“Nice talking to you guys”, Reiner turned and hauled a motionless Bertholdt over his shoulder.

Annie got up and followed him in the general direction of the kitchen. They all seemed very relaxed about the fact that Bertholdt was probably asleep. Most of the people in the room seemed to still want pizza, so they migrated towards the kitchen as well.

“What do you think of Reiner?” Armin met my gaze.

“Seems cool”, I shrugged.

I figured most upperclassmen were assholes just to be assholes, but Ymir and her friends seemed tolerable. If anything, I was thinking about taking up his offer to tryout for a sports team.

We ended up wandering into the kitchen as it emptied out a while later. Most of the pizza was gone but I few people were still idling around.

“Mika!”

I looked up to see the short blonde girl Jean had been talking to earlier rush towards Mikasa.

“I heard Ymir dragged you around, I was wondering what happened to you”, she giggled.

“Well, I found my brother”, Mikasa motioned at me. “And Armin”, he gave a little wave from beside me.

“Eren, right?” she beamed at me.

These people were trying to kill me, confirmed. If I didn’t stop getting smiles I was going to have a heart attack. I made a choking noise in reply as my face heat up.

“I’m Krista”, she laughed. “Mika talks about you a lot”, she added eyeing my sister.

“Good things, I hope?” I tried to speak without choking again.

“Of course! And Jean won’t shut up about you either…”

“That’s not true!” Jean stepped in brandishing his slice of pizza. “He’s just a loser I hang out with sometimes”.

Bristling, I kicked him in the shin without a second thought.

“Hello to you too, asshole”, I ground my teeth together.

Jean swore under his breath before forcing the absolute worst fake smile. Taking a bite of his pizza, he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Hey”, his voice was much smaller.

I blinked then narrowed my eyes at him. He was usually a lot snippier.

“What?” I barked at him when I noticed him staring at my eyes.

“Are you…” his face scrunched up. “Are you wearing make-up?”

“So what?” I retorted.

“Oh! Ymir’s waving us over!” Krista cleared her throat and hurried us over towards the counter in the center of the kitchen.

Jean and I were glaring at each other so Armin separated us before we started arguing again. Just like Connie and Sasha said, he was acting weird.

“Eren! I saved you some pizza since you didn’t get any”, Sasha was guarding two slices on a plate from Connie’s grabby hands.

“Yeah”, I nodded numbly taking the plate.

“Ready guys?” Ymir dragged Marco into the center of the kitchen by his shirt collar as the music got quieter. “One...two…”, she started.

Then everyone in the room screamed ‘Happy Birthday’ at a disoriented Marco in a chorus of ill-timed voices before dissolving slowly into an out of tune happy birthday song.

The poor birthday boy flushed bright red and couldn’t stop giggling until Ymir started tussling his hair roughly. He pulled her into a tight hug before lifting her off her feet.

“Here ya go babe”, she handed him a swiss army knife.

“Wait, this is yours”, he tried to push it back into Ymir’s hands.

“Nah, it’s yours now”, she clapped him on the back and tossed it back to him before making her way over to Krista.

“Ymir had his name engraved on it”, Krista whispered to me before Ymir engulfed the small girl in her arms.

Nodding, I stuffed my mouth with pizza. Drinking soda all night hadn’t helped my hunger.

Marco was still standing there in a happy stupor until Sasha and Connie ganged up to smother him in hugs while Jean stood awkwardly off to the side. Served him right for acting like a douche-nozzle.

“I’m gonna go back and hang out with Annie”, Mikasa looked up from her phone. “Go talk to your friends”, she smiled and followed after Ymir and Krista who were headed back into the living room.

I finished chewing as she turned the corner down the hall.

“I guess there’s no cake”, Armin seemed a little disappointed.

“Nope”, I folded my paper plate up.

Armin glanced at my hands.

“The garbage is over there”, he pointed at the can near where Jean was standing.

“Yep”.

“What’re you two actually fighting or something?”

“Dunno”, I scowled. “But he’s acting stupid”.

“Mhmm”, Armin hummed.

I sighed and slowly walked over to the trash can. Jean stiffened as he saw me approaching and pointedly stared at the cup in his hand. His gelled hair was flopping over to one side and his knuckles were turning white around his cup.

“Seriously, what the hell?” I glared at him.

“What?” he pouted.

“You’re acting weird and giving me strange looks”.

“So? Why do you care? Go talk to your other friends”, he waved me off.

I groaned.

“Fuck, really? Will you just tell me what's bothering you? You know I hate passive-aggressive bullshit”, I threw my plate in the trash.

Jean tossed his cup in the trash right next to me, some of the soda got on my arm.

“Dude!”, I took a step towards him.

“What’re you two bickering about now?” Armin interrupted.

“I think it’s cute!” Sasha giggled, leaning over his shoulder.

“Honestly”, Marco chuckled.

“Shut up”, Jean was scowling.

“You two are like an old married couple or something!” Connie hopped up onto the countertop.

I rolled my eyes. If anything the two of us were more like a couple that was already divorced. I couldn’t figure out just what Jean was thinking.

“Knock it off”, I frowned. “He’s just acting like a piece of shit again”.

Jean whipped around.

“Oh, but you’re _so_ cool aren’t you? Walking around making friends with everyone, like that matters!”

“What the hell does that mean?!”

Jean shrugged and looked away.

“Look, I don’t know what your problem is but you’re being a real douche right now”.

“ _Me_? You’re the one who keeps staring at me! It’s so gross!”, Jean shoved his hands into his pockets.

It was like someone knocked the wind out of me. I staggered back, clutching the hem of my tank top tightly. With my heart thundering in my ears, I struggled to keep Jean’s eye contact.

“Woah, Jean you don’t really mean that”, Marco seemed to pick on the fact that we were actually fighting.

Ducking my head, I glared at my shoes and steadied my breathing before working up the nerve to look Jean in the eyes again.

“God! Just kiss already!” Sasha chimed, then burst into giggles.

“Why the fuck would I wanna kiss that _freak_?!” Jean snapped.

Everyone got quiet after that, their eyes flitting between my or Jean’s face to gauge what was happening. I was shaking with my hands already balled into fists.

“ _I’m_ the freak?” I scoffed. “You’re one to talk”.

Jean looked like I’d kicked him in the teeth. Clenching his jaw, he stepped up in my person space and narrowed his eyes at me. Looking me right in the eye, he sneered.

“Yeah, that’s why you can’t even look me in the eye right now. Gross”.

Before I knew it, my ears were ringing and I was staring hard at the carpet. Wringing my fingers, I ground my teeth together resisted the urge to knock Jean’s teeth out. Taking deep breaths, I gripped my arm tightly and willed my thoughts to stay clear.

“Jean!” Marco shoved him back against the countertop.

Connie and Sasha were staring at me, a little left out, unintentionally making me feel worse. My throat felt tight and my eyes were burning.

“Eren”, Armin’s voice felt far, far away.

He was careful not to touch me.

Someone else was talking to me, but I was already rubbing my eyes in frustration. I wished I could say something back. Anything to prove him wrong. But it hurt so much because he was right.

He was right about all of it. It didn't matter if I made 'friends' or managed to talk to people because eventually I'd freak them out. Eventually they'd get tired of dealing with my creepy eyes and temper and push me to the side.

“He’s fine!” I could hear Jean’s voice vaguely arguing with Marco.

I snapped my eyes to his momentarily. His face fell. Biting my lip, I held back tears and combed my hair back out of my face.

“Shit…”, Jean breathed.

I turned on my heel and stalked out of the kitchen and didn’t stop. The house suddenly felt too cramped for my emotions and had too many people staring, and judging me. I could hear someone calling after me when I stepped out the door, but I needed to get out of the enclosed space. Armin could catch up to me later.

Somehow I managed not to beat the shit out of Jean but now I felt like I was going to break down crying at any moment. The urge to just drop to the ground and curl up into a ball hit me in waves, I only stayed upright by mindlessly trudging forward into the night. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried.

It was fight or flight with me, if something made me mad, I either got angry or broke down. Seeing as I hadn’t beaten Jean up, I hoped the latter wouldn’t happen. All his words ran through my mind over and over again, dropping my heart with a crushed feeling. My chest was so tight, I felt I might pass out if anyone bumped into me.

The loud bass of the party music faded into the back of my mind as I cross street after street in a straight line. Still shaking, I felt a few tears roll down my cheeks, I started to relax a bit. The consistent sounds of passing cars and distant city white noise helped me to regulate my breathing. A gust of wind cooled the streaks of water down my face, making me shiver.

“Eren!”

That wasn’t Armin’s voice.

I spun around to find Jean on my heels, he bumped into me then hurriedly took a step back. Hugging myself, I noticed we were about the same height now. Wordlessly glaring at him, I could feel my anger returning, without the sadness and doubt.

“S-sorry, I didn’t mean all that”, he stammered shifting his weight around and fidgeting. “I didn’t think it’d hurt-”

“You damn well knew what you were doing!” I snapped holding myself  back.

Jean flinched.

“Well, you didn’t have to freak out…”

“Are you _fucking kidding me_??” my voice rose to the point where the nearby house’s lights flicked on.

Standing in the dark, save for streetlights, I watched Jean’s face for a sign that I’d be okay. This couldn’t all be my fault, could it? He _knew_ how I felt. Yet my heart was aching, watching him look so fragile before me.

“I say shit when I’m mad”, Jean shrugged and scowled at the sidewalk.

My jaw dropped in disbelief. There was no way he could expect me to be fine with that kind of crappy excuse. Not after how damn _close_ I knew we were. Sure, we weren’t exactly buddies, but I knew him better than that.

“Seems like you only say that shit when you’re in front of other people”, I started walking down the street again, with my back to him. “Sorry you don’t want to hang out with the gross freak”.

I made it about a block before i heard Jean’s footsteps following me.

“Eren”.

I walked faster.

“I said I was sorry!”

I stopped at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change, idly shifting on my feet.

“C’mon, talk to me! Please?” Jean was standing next to me, but I refused to looked at him.

With a long exhale, I felt my heart racing and my hands shaking again. If he didn’t get out of my face-

“Eren!” Jean grabbed my arm glaring at me and tried to keep me from crossing the street.

My elbow swung backwards on impulse to dislodge Jean’s hand. He staggered backwards clutching his face, before doubling over and groaning. His glasses fell to the ground with a clatter.

I hadn’t even felt my elbow connect with anything. I gave him a hesitant glance before jogging away. I needed to be gone, I needed music, I needed to be alone-

“Leave me alone!” I called over my shoulder, increasing my pace.

Once I started running, the streets blurred together. I couldn’t even remember how I got home that night, but I woke up to my alarm blaring and a wet pillow smeared with make-up.

 

 

 

 

 _mémère-_ grandma? (more like casual grandmother, used by French-Canadians sometimes)

 _belle fleur-_ beautiful flower


	2. Moving Pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If at first you don't succeed, try, try...and keep trying again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2, coming at ya!

_"Go to hell" is all I thought for seven weeks_   
_but I grew out of that phase looking at these broken photographs of people_   
_looking glossed just like the way I still remember a summer ago_   
  
_Where can I go when I want you around_   
_but I can't stand to be around you_   
_"Go home"_   
_I'll walk myself to you_   
_I'll walk myself away from here_   
  


 

  
  
  


It turned out I broke Jean’s nose.

I didnt find out until I checked my phone the next morning to a flood of texts from various people at the party. They either asked where the hell I was or how the fuck I’d broken Jean’s nose. But apparently I’d passed out when I’d come home so I wasn’t much help to anyone.

According to Mikasa, she’d rushed home when she heard what happened only to find my door locked. Mom had told her that I’d been crying so they both decided to let me sleep it off.

For the next few weeks, I wandered around the house in a bit of a stupor, barely eating or talking. It felt so unreal that I had physically broken Jean’s nose, but I wasn’t surprised I’d let my anger get the best of me. Our usual empty insults had jumped to heavy stuff real quick. Good ol’ short tempered piece of shit Eren Jaeger, that's me.

Guilt slowed most of my movements while the memory of Jean calling me a freak kept me moving in the first place. Every time I started to think ‘hey maybe Jean was right, I did overreact a bit’ I remembered that he'd been acting like a little shit all evening. It seemed like he only had to put on his asshole persona in front of all of my...well his friends.

I kinda wished I’d gotten to see his stupid beat up face.

I stayed in my room a lot after that. The idea of going outside and running into Jean wasn’t very appealing, especially after I’d explicitly told him to ‘leave me alone’. Talking to any of his friends didn’t seem like a good idea, they’d probably realized what a weirdo I was after I’d broken Jean’s nose. At least, that’s what I thought for the first few weeks.

Later, I started getting texts from Sasha asking if I was alright. Armin had come over to talk to me before going off to engineer camp or whatever, but I’d stayed hunched up in the comforter on my bed. I didn’t expect anyone other than Mikasa or him to talk to me anymore, so I just stared my phone for about an hour before tossing it on the floor.

I think the battery died because I heard it buzz a few more times that day, but didn’t see it again all week.

Getting up seemed like such a chore without my phone’s alarm going off like it used to. I’d wake up to the sun setting and roll over, staring at the wall until it was dark again. At the last of the day's light, I’d stumble downstairs to get something to drink then go back to sleep. I occasionally laid on the grass in the back yard. I let the heat the ground had soaked up warm my clammy skin as I blasted music in my headphones.

The one instance I left home, I headed to the beach wearing only trunks and a tank top. When I sat down in the surf and let the cold water wash over my toes, I felt comfortable enough to leave my headphones around my neck with the music off. Even though the lake near our city wasn't as big as an ocean, the waves it created were still loud enough to be calming. I ended up sitting in the sand for hours before heading back on the bus, feeling a little calmer than before.

Before I knew it, I’d wasted the summer away alone. But at least I learned how to play every _Wish you were Here_ song ever.

***

A few weeks before school was supposed to start, mom started getting on my ass about my ‘moping’ as she called it. She went on about how she was sick and tired of me sleeping all day and never going outside. In my defense, there wasn’t much for me to do other than run errands and listen to music. With Armin at engineering camp and Mikasa at volleyball summer training, I was all alone.

On a particularly balmy afternoon in late August, mom literally kicked me out of the house and sent me on a grocery store run even though I was pretty damn sure we weren’t gonna die if we didn’t have ice cream.

I actually had to shower and put on real clothes, so I pulled on cargo shorts and a random tank top, begrudgingly yanking a brush through my thick hair. It occurred to me that I hadn’t actually properly dressed and bathed in a while.

Grabbing my bike from the garage, I spared a glance at the Kirschtein’s lawn. Jean’s bike was there so I figured the asshole was home with friends or something.

Hopping on my bike, I was off down the street. After the party, I’d been surprised that Marco, Connie and Sasha still wanted to talk to the freak who elbowed their friend in the face. By the time I found my phone, there were tons of messages asking me to ‘come hang at the beach’ or ‘game with us’. It just felt like pity, so I didn’t respond.

On one hand, even without Jean involved, they were still close enough to me to be considered friends. On the other hand, they’d always been Jean’s friends first. There was no way they could’ve forgiven me so easily for wrecking Marco’s party. Jean and I had made his party all about us.

Pulling up in front of the local food mart, I felt my blood run cold. Connie and Sasha were sitting outside the building drinking Jarritos. They sure as hell didn’t didn’t live around here so I was more than a little confused. Hopping off my bike, I looked around for a way to hide but it was too late.

“Eren!”

Shit.

Sasha’s eyes locked on mine as a wide grin spread across her face. Connie on the other hand only offered a cautious smile. I averted my gaze and hesitantly wheeled my bike over to them, it wasn’t like I could pretend I hadn’t seen them from this distance.

“Christ, you look dead walking”, Sasha had no problem immediately squeezing me in a hug.

My body stiffened but I could feel the warmth of her against my chest. It was making my face heat up.

“And you got taller...dammit!” she pulled away giggling.

My heart did this little thing that left me blushing and fidgeting uncontrollably, which Sasha found amusing.

“Dude seriously, it looks like you just crawled out of the ground”, Connie stepped into my little space bubble as well.

I shrugged feebly, hinting at a smile.

“You didn’t hang out with us _all_ summer!” Sasha whined. “Can I play with your hair?” she added in a lower voice.

Nodding passively, I leaned my bike up against the wall and sat down on the warm asphalt of the parking lot. My heart was still hammering quickly in my chest as I felt my hands start to shake a little. My throat felt a tight but sitting helped me relax.

Soon Sasha’s fingers were soothingly combing through my now chin length hair, pulling it back this way and that. She even stopped to let her blunt nails scratch against my scalp. Connie stood over us while Sasha crouched behind me. I sighed heavily and rubbed at my eyes.

“Yeah, after the party you kinda disappeared”, Connie sipped his orange drink.

Chewing on my lip, I shrugged again.

“I just-I couldn’t...I was really mad for a long time”, I felt Sasha braid small sections of my hair.

“Yeah, Jean was being a prick”, Connie frowned.

“I overreacted”, I reasoned, picking at my torn nails.

“Bullshit”, Connie snorted.

“Marco, uh, he told us why it really bothered you”, Sasha’s fingers dexterously combed my hair from my forehead.

“Oh”, I stiffened, wringing my fingers.

“I mean, we kinda knew...Dunno why he had to yell at you like that though”, Sasha’s hands began to move slower, gentler.

I dared to look over at Connie for some kind of reassurance. Maybe I hadn’t royally fucked up as bad as I thought. Connie was smiling at me but I could I only hold his gaze for too long.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean to say all that”, Sasha tried slowly.

“What, call me a freak?” I reached back to feel a little braid amidst the rest of my unkempt hair.

Connie sighed. “You called him a freak too”.

“I don't think either of you said what you meant”, Sasha’s voice was hesitant.

I scoffed. “Sure”.

“No, really! You know he’s not usually that bad”, I could almost hear Sasha pouting.

Sasha did have a point, but I didn’t want to care. I didn’t need to put up with him hurting my feelings and then telling me it wasn’t his fault that I got hurt.

“Plus, you did break his nose”, Connie chimed in.

Oh yeah, that. I swallowed thickly, picking at my nails.

“Not on purpose…”, I mumbled.

“Shoulda seen it, Jean stumbled back 15 minutes after you two ran off holding his face like you’d punched him or somethin’. There was blood all over his shirt and shit! We all thought you guys fought but Jean wouldn’t tell us anything, he just kept crying”, he paused for a sip of his drink. “After that, no one but Marco and Armin seemed to know what was going on. I’d seen you guys shove each other around, but that was weird…”

I couldn't remember another time where our fighting had made Jean cry. That was a little odd.

“Did he say anything to you later?” I stood up when Sasha tapped my shoulder.

Connie rubbed the back of his neck.

“I mean, he was pretty broken up about it...He didn’t text you or nothing?”

“Nah”, I tilted my head to the side inspecting my hair carefully with my fingers. “Not a word”.

Sasha picked up her drink from the ground and quickly chugged the red contents.

“Really?” Sasha cocked her head slightly, the two of them shared a knowing look. “That's uh… That's interesting…”

Connie shook his head gently. Sasha frowned at him before turning to me.

“I think he should've-”

“Sasha!” Connie hissed.

Narrowing my eyes, I looked between the two of them. Sasha’s mouth was still popped open mid speech. Shutting it, she glared at Connie who was glaring right back.

“What're you two-” I started.

“Eren?”

I turned to find Marco smiling at me, happy as could be. Just like Sasha, he was quick to invade my personal space and surround me with a warm hug. I felt my chest tighten up as I realized he’d gotten taller than me and smelled like strawberries.

“Jeez, you look like you haven’t slept in ages”, Marco grinned meeting my eyes. “Nice hair”, he joked.

I wondered if it was obvious I hadn’t left my house all summer. I started flexing my fingers.

“That bad?” I smiled a bit before looking over his shoulder.

Of course Jean was standing there in _my_ sweater _again_ sipping fucking _milk_ looking bored as all hell in fucking _short_ shorts. He had his eyes trained down on his phone as his glasses slid down his nose. From that angle, I could see his nose looked a little crooked, but he didn’t look hurt.

My breath caught in my throat when he finally looked up at me; I was frozen by his piercing, amber gaze. Dropping my eyes to my shoes, I cursed myself for my inability to look him in the eyes. All his violent words came rushing through my mind like he was still yelling at me.

“We were just headed over to Jean's” Marco paused shifting the grocery bags of chips around in his grip. “Wanna walk with us?”

First of all, what the fuck was he doing inviting me to someone else’s house?

I couldn’t get over the fact that Jean was just staring at me, I could feel his gaze hot on my face. He’d walked closer to stand beside Marco without looking up. Shoving my hands into my pockets I waited for him to say something. Anything.

But he didn’t.

“I, uh, my mom sent me here for some stuff actually”, I ducked away from everyone and waved. “Seeya”.

I speed-walked into the highly air conditioned building of the store, taking the longest route possible to the freezer section. When I found the caramel ice cream mom had asked for, I pulled the freezer door open and promptly shoved my head inside. I didn't have my headphones so that was the next best thing.

I was probably freaking out the little old lady on my right searching for peas, but I needed to cool my head. My face felt like it was on fire, my hands were shaking, my breathing was shallow, and my chest felt like it could implode at any moment. I ground my teeth together audibly and took deep breaths through my nose.

I just wanted to stop shaking.

 

I started martial arts that next week, my mom was glad I was getting out of the house and exercising. It was a great way to keep my mind off things and take out my anger on a punching bag. Every time I caught a glimpse of Jean down the block or pictured his stupid face, I wanted to shove my head back into that grocery’s freezer.

The week before school started, Mikasa went on a team building retreat for volleyball. I hadn’t seen much of her over the summer anyways, but along with the fact that Armin was visiting his grandpa, mom thought I was starting to act mopey again.

She meant well, but she only ended up pestering me a lot and dragging me to the Kirschtein’s. The one place I absolutely didn’t want to be.

When I first woke up to her pulling my blinds open at 3pm, I was only mildly confused. Mom was going on about me hanging out with friends or how I should be excited school was starting soon. Pulling my comforter back over my head, I grumbled about it being too early.

“Eren, you sleep in until at least 5 everyday”, she pulled my blankets down, making me groan.

“I don’t see your point…”, I mumbled rubbing my eyes.

Even after sleeping for over 12 hours, I always felt helplessly exhausted. The amount of sleep never mattered, waking up was always difficult.

“Sweetie, if you did more, I wouldn’t care. But I don’t think you’re supposed to sleep ¾ of the day”, mom huffed.

Making incoherent noises again, I finally sat up and looked mom in the eyes. She watched me with an open expression before giggling. Reaching out to run her fingers through my hair, she held a small braid.

“Marie invited us over for dinner, so get dressed”, she walked out of the room taking some dirty clothes with her.

Jumping out of bed, I watched my doorway still processing the conversation. I didn't know what would happen if I went over there, I'd never been in a silent fight with Jean.

Usually if I had a problem with Jean, I came out and told him. Being impulsive was something I wasn’t too proud of, but it kept emotions from building and cut down on the bullshit. But now, Jean made me feel as if I physically couldn’t speak to him. Chills ran down my spine and my throat clogged up. Worse, I couldn’t make eye contact with him. Losing that ability had never happened to me before and I didn’t know what to do about it. 

Jean’s honey eyes always seemed a fierce, piercing citrine nowadays. It felt as if, with the smallest glance, he was stripping off all my defensive layers and leaving me bare to be judged. His harsh words made my temper flare.

Before I knew it, my mom had dressed me in a stupid polo and made me pull my hair back in a ponytail. Saying that now I ‘looked presentable’. Honestly, I just looked like my dad.

We were standing at the Kirschtein’s door at the top of the steps when I first felt my stomach drop. I’d have to sit with Jean for hours. I was glad I’d convinced mom to let me wear my headphones.

Surprisingly, I didn’t end up hitting Jean again when I saw his stupid face. I surprised myself by exerting that small amount of self-control. Upon entering their residence, I found Jean staring at me with one of the most broken expressions I’d ever seen him wear.

Jean Kirschtein was angry, loud, annoying, and whiny, but I’d never seen the kid lost in my life. Sure, he looked physically fine, but his tired and bored expression looked more...confused than anything. It was as if he was as baffled by what was going or what happened as I was.

It looked like his mom had also forced some semi-formals on him. Standing behind his parents wearing khakis, he simply glanced at my eyes once before ignoring me completely. His short hair was gelled and slicked back, making him look like he was pouting.

Marie was quick to welcome us in as mom pulled her into an excited hug. Since I didn’t have many friends, she didn’t know many other parents other than our neighbors. In fact, I’d only ever seen her go out with people from work.

Jean’s dad, Henry, on the other hand caught my attention and held his hand out for a handshake. Keeping my eyes on his fingers, I let him clasp my hand. I wondered if he knew I’d broken his son’s nose. Sure I’d given Jean a fair share of bruises and scratches, but messing up his face was another story.

“So, how’s summer treating you Eren?” Henry smiled as we all stepped out of the doorway and into their home.

Jean walked ahead of us towards the kitchen.

“It’s okay, I guess”, I followed along, rubbing my arm. “Haven’t done much”.

“Yeah, you used to be over here all the time during the school year”, he chuckled. “Right Jean?”

Jean made a noncommittal noise and shrugged. His father took a moment to look between the two of us before raising an eyebrow. I tried to pay as much attention to the walls as possible.

“Is there some reason for that?” he paused in the kitchen doorway watching my hands. “Seems like you two stopped talking after Jean came home with a broken nose after Marco’s party”.

I stiffened and started chewing my lip.

“You were there, weren’t you Eren? Jean keeps saying something about getting hit with a door, but you know him, always getting into fights...I’ve even seen you two go at it a few times”, Henry’s eyes met mine with a questioning expression.

I swallowed thickly.

“I, uh…”, I cleared my throat nervously. “It was an-”

“Don’t bother with that idiot, he left early, remember?” Jean cut me off and rolled his eyes at his dad.

“Mhmm”, Henry narrowed his eyes at Jean. “And don’t be rude”, he added absently.

Furrowing my brows, I looked to Jean. He simply met my gaze blankly. Scowling, I clenched my hands into fists. I nodded gently at Henry, agreeing with Jean’s dumb story.

Jean’s father seemed content enough with that answer, so when our mothers beckoned us into the dining room, he left Jean and I to ourselves. I kept my distance from the blond, trying not to look at him.

“Will you two get the tableware?” Marie called from the other room.

Still ignoring me, Jean turned on his heel and was in the kitchen before I could speak to him. I followed, far behind, and stood in the center of the room while Jean took his time grabbing the silverware and serving spoons from their drawers.

Shuffling my feet anxiously, I peered around the kitchen. It looked the same as it had a few months ago when Jean, Marco, Connie, and I had tried to make a pizza from scratch by ourselves, but ended up burning the oven. Henry had come in yelling, then we were all yelling while the oven burned itself and spewed smoke.

Watching the back of Jean’s head, I noticed he’d shaved his undercut again and lightened his hair. I was getting slowly used to that lighter color and it didn’t make me cringe like it used to. His movements were so stiff, I wondered if he felt as tense as me.

His head tilted to the side as he counted the spoons in his hands. With his shoulders hunched slightly, Jean leaned against the counter and started sorting the silverware by its use. Shifting his weight into one hip, he placed one hand on his hip. 

“You’re staring idiot”, he said without turning around.

Turning, he pointed forks and knives at me.

“Get the plates, will you?” he frowned.

Scowling at him, I reached for the cabinet above my head where I knew the plates were. There wasn’t a playful glint to his eye, no banter.

“I’m not an idiot”, I muttered pulling out the plates and stacking them carefully on the countertop.

Jean scoffed and stalked into the dining room, leaving me bristling and irritated. Gripping the plates tightly, I took a deep breath.

By the time I made my way out to where our families were sitting, I’d calmed my breathing. I hadn’t had a temper issue all summer, I wasn’t about to let Jean ruin that for me.

I set a plate in front of everyone’s place setting as Jean passed out the silverware. The Kirschtein’s house was a little bigger than ours, so the dining room was larger and not connected to the kitchen directly. It took me a while to get all the way around the table, but the smell of good food encouraged me to finish my task.

The table was set with a main course of casserole while vegetables and a rice dish sat as sides. My mouth watered as I finished my chore and seated myself beside mom, coincidentally across from Jean’s harsh gaze.

“Enjoy everyone! Henry spent the whole afternoon preparing everything”, Marie clapped her hands together excitedly.

Jean’s dad made a pleased face and held out the serving spoon for the casserole. Soon, everyone was chewing along happily. I’d come to expect Mr. Kirschtein’s great cooking because of the chocolate souffle he’d made for us around January.

“So Mikasa’s at a training camp for volleyball? Jean was thinking about trying sports this year”, Marie spoke happily.

Jean muttered something about ‘just working out’ but Marie laughed and pat his head gently.

“Oh really? Eren just started back with martial arts!”

I pushed broccoli around my plate before stabbing it with my fork. Mom was always so proud of whatever I did, but if she talked about me in front of other people, I felt anxious.

Across from me, Jean was eating slowly too. I’d seen the same amount of casserole on his plate the whole time we’d been sitting here. Watching him cautiously, I reached my foot towards him under the table. Prodding him gently, I was surprised when he jumped almost out of his seat, getting his mom’s attention.

“That reminds me! Jeanbo, how’s Marco this summer?” Marie chimed. 

I snickered at the nickname.

Jean took a moment to compose himself and slick his hair back, glaring at me. He looked more flustered than angry, but that didn’t stop him from kicking me in the shin.

Grunting, I gripped my fork tightly and returned his glare. I frowned and shoved my broccoli in my mouth as mom eyed me, slightly concerned.

“Oh, he’s around. He was here last week, remember?” Jean sipped his milk shakily.

I kicked him firmly, making him choke a little. Jean’s mom raised an eyebrow at him.

“Eren sweetie, why haven’t you gone out with any of your friends this summer?” mom frowned at me.

My eyes caught on Jean’s nose as I parted my lips to speak. I could imagine it, red, purple and bruised. It had to have been crooked and painful to the touch, a bandage had probably been plastered across the bridge. With every little movement of his facial muscles, Jean would’ve winced, maybe teared up.

“Was tired…” I mumbled, eyes focusing back on Jean’s current, not broken, but crooked nose.

His eyes narrowed at me and my palms started sweating.

“But didn’t you go to Marco’s birthday earlier in the summer?” Mom took a sip of her wine.

“Oh, Carla, did you hear Jean broke his nose then? The silly boy says he had a door slammed in his face”, Marie motioned at Jean.

_That_ was the best he could come up with? Glaring at him, I turned to my mom. This was so stupid, there was no point in lying about it. It’d been an accident and it certainly wasn’t the first time I’d injured him.

“Mom, I actually-” Jean shut me up by stomping down on my toes.

“Fuck!” I dropped my fork, about to grab Jean from across the table.

“Eren! Language!” Mom gasped at me.

“Shit, sorry-fu-wait, uh”, I stood up abruptly, making my chair scrape against the hardwood. “I gotta pee”, I hurried down the hall.

“I’ll, uh, show him the bathroom”, Jean hopped up out of his seat and followed after me.

Just as I was closing the door, Jean shoved himself in and pressed his back against the door to close it. Spinning around, I staggered back against the sink, panicking. I was in an enclosed space with Jean, I could feel my heart racing.

“What the hell?” my hands were shaking.

My eyes flitted around, trying to catch on anything but him. His body seemed to block the door and take up most of the tiny bathroom. There was too much of him and it was filling all of my senses and thoughts with ‘ _Jean_ ’.

“What the hell are you _doing_?” he pushed closer, sizing me up.

Clenching my jaw, I got up in his face, resisting the urge to shove him backwards.

“What the fuck are _you_ doing calling me an idiot and shit?”, I was able to meet his eyes. “And fucking kicking me?”

“Oh fuck off!”, Jean shoved me back against the sink, I felt the cool metal stab into my back. “You fucking started it!”

“Why are you such a stupid piece of shit?!” I grabbed his collar and dragged him closer to me.

Jean’s hot breath ghosted across my face as he ground his teeth together, huffing little puffs of air over my cheeks. His were nostrils flaring and his were eyes locked with mine. It looked like his face was turning bright red. The longer we stood there, the more controlled my breathing got. Watching him questioningly, I relaxed my jaw. Jean grabbed my hand fisted in his shirt. He looked like he was starting to get a little taller than me.

“Let me go dumbass”, he shoved my hand away and I let go.

Feeling blood rush to my face, I dropped my hand quickly and touched the headphones around my neck gently. I’d been close to punching his face in, but now my chest just felt tight. Jean was fidgeting around uncomfortably and avoiding my eyes.

“Look, you don’t need to tell my parents”, Jean watched me hesitantly before stepping back, hands in his pockets.

“Why not? It’s not like I kicked you Kirschtein, I-I broke your damn nose!” I raked my fingers through my hair.

“Then...I’ll tell them”, he started shuffling his feet. “There's no point in you doing it, I lied to them first”.

My breath caught in my throat, Jean was chewing on his lip when he could finally meet my eyes. I could only hold his soft honey gaze for a moment before I had to stare at my reflection in the mirror. My mismatched eyes watched me.

“It’s not about that…” I tried. “It...It’s still painful”, I breathed.

I really fucked up, I shouldn’t have hurt him like that. I shouldn’t have let my temper get the best of me.

Jean watched me carefully, taking in my slumped posture and the headphones around my neck. He caught my eyes in my reflection before staring pointedly at my shaking hands.

“Sorry”, he murmured. “I’ll leave you alone”.

Then he was gone, slipping out the door silently and headed back to the dining room. I watched the half-open door after him, still mildly confused. I didn’t understand what he was apologizing for that time, I was the one who’d broken his nose.

Closing the bathroom door, I kept watching my reflection as I gripped the sink.

Combing my hair from my face, I noticed a light blush to my cheeks. Jean’s voice had gotten a little deeper.

 

***

By the time school came around, I realized I hadn’t actually verbally apologized to Jean for messing up his face. Sure, he’d been an asshole, but he’d kinda apologized. A few times. I hadn’t and it made me feel terrible. It had gotten to the point that I was so guilty, I couldn’t look at my own nose in the mirror for too long.

When my mom came into my room one morning with a stern expression, I started tearing up. Apparently Jean’s mom had come over as soon as she found out and talked with my mom. We’d beaten each other up in the past, but never this bad. Both of them knew we’d been close, so mom didn’t seem too angry. Just confused if anything.

“Eren”, my headphones were on but she knew I could hear her. “Eren, honey, look at me”.

I turned around and crossed my legs as she sat across from me on the edge of my bed. Setting my guitar down between us, I messed with the tone knob. I knew that she wasn’t the type to yell at me, but she couldn’t just let this slide.

“Marie just came over, and, well she told me you broke Jean’s nose”, mom watched my face patiently.

I nodded and rubbed at my eyes with the back of my hand. They started burning and my throat felt too dry for comfort.

“I know you didn’t mean it”, she sighed.

I laughed dryly, remembering the time I’d accidentally ran over Mikasa’s hand on my bike. She hadn’t even been mad about it, I was the only one crying as mom tried to assure me that Mikasa didn’t have to go to the hospital.

“Is that why you left Marco’s birthday early? Mikasa told me not to bother you about it, but Eren, this is serious”, her gaze hardened a bit.

Scratching at the fretboard of my electric, I chewed my lips and watched my fingers move.

“He just-he said some stuff. A-and my temper-I didn’t mean to hurt him like that”, I pulled my hands into my lap and started picking at my nails. “I didn’t realize I broke his nose till later”.

“Sweetie, what did he say?” Mom leaned forwards brushing hair from my forehead.

It wouldn’t be the first time I’d hit some kid who said something weird about my skin or eyes.

“It’s not- It wasn’t anything new...it was just…”, _because he said it_ , I finished in my head.

“Well you were angry enough to break his nose”, mom murmured watching my face. “Friends shouldn’t say or do things to hurt each other on purpose”.

“Mom, we’re not that close”, I met her eyes frowning.

“Eren, you can’t be...you’re serious?” mom’s eyes widened.

I pressed my lips together and avoided her eyes. Of course I was serious, if he could say shit like that to my face, there was no way he felt as close to me as I had to him. I didn’t understand how so many people thought we were so close, we fought all the time and could barely work together on any kind of project.

Mom watched me carefully before sliding off my bed. Stepping around all the crap on my floor, she moved pieces of clothing about until she made a triumphant noise. Hauling a red sweater out from my clean clothes heap, she grinned, bright and happy.

“Isn’t this Jean’s?” she asked smugly.

It was the red zombie kitten sweater Jean’d left in my room over winter break. I’d washed it but never gotten around to returning it because I always went over his house. If he’d come over again I probably would’ve remembered and shoved it back in his stupid face. It obviously wasn’t that important to him if he’d forgotten about it as well.

“Yeah”, I blinked, it was a little piece of himself he’d left with me.

“You’re not close, eh?” Mom folded the sweater and placed it in front of me. “Why don’t you return this to him as a peace offering, hmm?”

“You want me to apologize to him?” I questioned, voice tight.

“I didn’t say that”, she folded her arms over her chest. “I just think you two are good friends, especially since you made so many other friends because of him”.

“I guess…” I murmured, picking up the cotton sweater.

“Don’t let this one incident keep you from your friends”, mom smiled before heading towards the door. “And, _clean your room_ , it looks like a landfill in here”.

“Mhmm”, I answered numbly staring at the sweater.

Jean was wearing this sweater when we got into our first and last fist fight. Sure we fought a lot, but that had been the first time we’d actually ended up scuffling in a parking lot.

In mid-winter, we’d been on our way to grab some burritos at the place down the street, but I’d been in a pissy mood all day. When I was like that, Jean often pretended like everything was fine and chattered more than normal, making me more irritated. Of course, when I started ignoring him completely, he’d punched me in the arm harder than I thought was necessary. I kinda snapped after that and punched him back. In the stomach.

We’d ended up shoving each other until he’d fallen backwards onto the asphalt, me barraging Jean with punches to the face. Eventually, we’d walked into the restaurant, shoving each other until we got to the counter. Jean’d managed to split my lip but I made him look worse. Blood coated Jean’s teeth, so when he tried to flirt casually with the cashier, the college-aged guy just glared at him.

Jean and I talked a lot after that, sitting on the curb in front of the restaurant wolfing down our burritos. It was obvious how dumb the whole thing was, so we ended up laughing until I started choking, which only made Jean laugh harder.

On the way towards our houses, we sipped the sodas Jean had bought with his allowance. I yelled at him for the stupid idea because it was literally 20 fucking degrees out and the fucking Mexican place served hot chocolate.

I caught myself laughing aloud, warmth in my chest making me feel fuzzy. Pressing my lips together, I pulled my headphones off my ears and got up to put my guitar away. Picking up clothes and papers from the floor, I started humming. Maybe what I needed wasn’t to be alone.

The first day of Sophomore year was much more memorable than the first day of freshman year. Instead of being lost and alone, I ended up being smothered by the people who I thought had hated me all summer.

Apparently most of them thought that Jean was in the wrong during our fight so most people drifted away from him. That, along with our new schedules, made it seem like he only hung out with Marco anymore. Marco did his best to keep him occupied, but it was obvious he was lonely without a large group around him at all times. 

When the first day started, I had mixed feelings about having lunch with Mikasa and Armin. The two of them wouldn’t leave me alone out of guilt for my ‘summer depression’ as they called it. I think Connie and Sasha felt the same, because they joked around with me more than normal. I knew they meant well.

I learned that year that Seniors honestly stopped giving a fuck their last year. Sure they were in clubs and sports or whatever, but school came second to college apps. Ymir and Reiner shared my lunch period and they always made my day no matter what. With their bullshit ‘senior wisdom’, which included only going to half my classes on Wednesdays and wearing pants 5 times before washing them, and refusal to do homework anytime other than in class or during lunch, they brightened my day a bit.

I only had to spend about an hour with Jean a day. We still had homeroom together and French but that was it this year. He also avoided me like the plague, so Marco usually ended up relaying anything between us, which I thought was really fucking stupid.

The rift between our friends became more obvious as time went on. I wasn’t surprised that Mikasa refused to speak to him, but then Marco mentioned that Connie and Armin were being distant with Jean. I understood Armin retracting a bit, but Connie was one of Jean’s closest friends.

I tried talking to him about it, but he kept saying he’d gotten tired of Jean’s shit attitude. I couldn’t help but feel some of this was my fault. I wasn’t putting in any effort to make up with Jean, and I sure as hell wasn’t there for him as much as I used to be.

Because I wasn’t around him as much, I only ended up seeing the after. Where I would usually jump in to save him from a few bruises, instead I saw him trying to scrub bloodstains out of his t-shirts in the bathroom. Before I could say anything, he’d shove past me without meeting my eyes. Clenching my fists and grinding my teeth together, I’d take a deep breath, because honestly I was lonely as hell.

Study sessions with Armin weren’t fun anymore, I mean I normally couldn’t sit still anyway, but now his excitement about famous battles wasn’t even interesting. Running with Mikasa couldn’t keep my mind off the memory of Jean’s hot breath on my face when he’d crowded me into the bathroom at his house. When I was sitting on Marco’s couch playing video games with him and Connie, I’d remember how Jean would put his legs on my lap without asking, quick to flash that smirk of his that made my heart ache.

I hadn’t seen him smile in a while, now that I thought about it. Nowadays his earbuds were always in unless he was talking to Marco, otherwise he tuned everything out.

In early November, I finally remembered to bring his stupid sweater to school. By that point, I was starting to accept that he just didn’t want to be friends anymore. I figured I might as well give him back his stuff so I didn’t have to talk to him later.

I’d just had Chem, so I was lugging my text book around when I came into homeroom. Kids were still piling in so I took my time getting to my seat with Armin next to me. I just had to wait for Jean to show, shove the sweater at him, and then we could pretend like we didn’t know each other anymore. Simple.

“Did you wanna see that new action movie tomorrow?” I sat on Armin’s desk.

Armin pulled out the novel he was almost done with and buried his nose in it.

“Another hyper masculine movie with too many sex scenes? No thanks”, Armin turned the page without looking up.

“Aw, c’mon. The only one who’d go with me and make fun of them was-”, I stopped myself.

“Jean?” Armin finished for me with a tired expression.

I groaned. “I’ll just ask Connie or something…”.

“He and Sasha said their parents are going on a trip this weekend”, Armin sighed.

I pouted in his direction and slid off the desk. Grabbing my textbook, I sat in the empty desk beside his. Pulling out my phone, I sighed and changed the song playing through my headphones. My hair was starting to get curly as it got longer, so I pulled it into a loose bun at the back of my head to keep it from tickling my neck.

“I heard he had to go to the nurse’s office after gym”, Armin offered.

I tried to keep watching my phone as if uninterested while the first bell rang.

“Yeah?” I thought about the sweater in my backpack.

Armin nodded and kept reading. By the time I’d gone through all my social media notifications, Armin had finished his book. There were only a few minutes left in the period, so I put my stuff away and shrugged my backpack on.

I’d hoped to give Jean his sweater back so that I could ignore him during 7th period French, but he hadn’t shown up. The homeroom teacher, Mr. Shadis, hadn’t shown up either but that was normal.

As Armin was about to pull out another book, I noticed his attention staying on the doorway. Glancing over, my eyes first caught the ice pack Jean was holding against his face. The bell rang, so he stepped in the door and out of the way of kids hurrying to their next class.

“Wow, I didn’t think it was that bad”, Armin nudged me gently to get me moving.

I was kinda stuck staring, so he just rolled his eyes and pushed me towards the door. Jean was looking around, probably for Shadis, when Armin shoved me in front of him. I didn’t know what to do so I just stared at the nurse slip in his free hand and made a sound like that of a dying cat.

“Was Shadis here?” Jean pointedly ignored me.

“Nope”, Armin said curtly. “But Eren has something for you”, the shorter boy moved into the doorway so Jean couldn’t dodge away.

Jean chewed his lip and crumpled the note in his hand. Pulling my headphones off my ears, I mouthed a silent ‘thankyou’ to Armin. If I’d tried to get Jean’s attention, we might’ve started arguing or something. He was still fidgeting as Armin went out the door but I took it as a win.

“What is it? We’re late”, Jean shifted the ice pack up over his cheek.

“Cool off dillweed”, I muttered pulling my bag off to grab his sweater.

Shoving the red clothing into his free arm, I examined the bruise on his face again carefully.

“Oh shit...I didn’t realize I left it at your place”, Jean stared at it wistfully.

“That why you keep wearing my Gorillaz sweater?” I narrowed my eyes at him, I’d seen him wear it at least 5 times.

The ice pack hit the floor with a resounding crash, making us both jump. Jean hurriedly grabbed the plastic bag as melted ice dribbled onto the floor. After he pressed the pack back to his face, he hissed and stayed crouched on the floor. Kneeling in front of him, I swallowed thickly.

“You okay?”

“Fine”, Jean gritted out.

I moved around to get a better look at his injury, but Jean frowned and kept tilting his head at angles where I couldn’t see well.

“Would you just let me see it?”

“Knock it off Jaeger”, Jean groaned before standing up.

“What, someone sock you in the face?” I continued to try and get a good look at his cheek.

“No, some idiot hit me in the face with a tennis racket in gym”, Jean shot back indignantly.

“Just let me see it then!” my hand reached out and snatched the ice pack away.

Jean flinched, watching my hand carefully. When he realized I wasn’t trying to hit him, he sighed and tilted his head so I could see the bruise. His movements reminded me of the first time I’d saved Armin from a bully. My chest felt a little tight as I tried to relax him with a neutral expression.

The pale skin across his cheek was red and purple, giving way to a small cut across the top of his cheekbone. He pouted and watched me cautiously, and again, it wasn’t cute.

“Dunno why you care”, he muttered reaching for the ice pack.

I frowned and held the ice pack out of his reach.

“I care”, I grabbed Jean’s chin and held him still. “Because even though you hate me, I don’t hate you”.

Jean’s lips parted as I tilted his head around to better see the cut. All the nurse had done was put Neosporin on it but he definitely needed some kind of bandage. I didn’t have a good track record with school nurses, my dad had always ended up redoing whatever they’d done at school.

“What?” I caught Jean’s gaze for a moment.

The blond had been staring right into my eyes over his glasses that entire time and I’d forgotten how his gaze made my face heat up. Surprisingly, I couldn’t break eye contact even though my skin was prickling.

“God, what the hell are you staring at?” I dropped my hand, starting to feel a little self-conscious.

“Why the fuck would you think I hate you?” Jean blurted, leaning closer.

I looked at him in disbelief. Rolling my eyes, I started rifling through my bag for my first aid kit.

“Well, besides your usual asshole behavior, you won’t talk to me anymore”, I pulled out some gauze and medical tape. “Sit”, I pointed at an empty desk.

Jean sat down numbly, listening for once. Chewing his lip absently, he watched as I got out alcohol wipes.

“Well you did yell at me to leave you alone”, Jean glared.

I paused, holding the wipe just above his open cut. It didn’t look bad, but there was still blood crusted around it.

“Yeah well...I meant I needed to cool off”, I muttered starting to clean his wound.

Jean hissed and jerked away before relaxing as I dabbed with the wipe. He grabbed the ice pack from the desktop and squished it around in his hands, still watching my eyes.

“So you don’t hate me”. 

“I will if you don’t stop ignoring me like a punk”, I picked up the gauze and taped it over his cut.

“Says the jerk who broke my nose”, Jean cracked a little, hesitant smile as he pressed the ice pack back to his cheek.

I could feel my heart flutter when I noticed his braces were off.

“Mhmm, after you acted like a total dick and called me a freak”, I turned to throw the garbage away. “Plus it was an accident”, that time felt so far away by now.

“Uhuh”, Jean hopped off the desk and grabbed his sweater.

After grabbing my stuff, I stood next to him by the door. He took his time grabbing his things with only one arm, he looked like he was struggling, but of course he’d never ask for help. By the time he got all his shit to together, we were so late I didn’t even want to think about going to class.

“So, you...you got your braces off?” I watched his gaze carefully.

Maybe we could have a normal conversation.

“Your eyes are all smokey, ya kinda look like raccoon- Is that eyeliner?” his smile was a little wider as he shifted around in place.

My eyelid twitched.

“What’re you gonna make fun of me again?” I scowled.

“No, you moron!” Jean flushed bright red. “I was trying to make small talk!”

“Well stop! It’s god-awful and awkward!” I laughed elbowing him in the side.

“Awkward? Me? Jean Kirschtein?” Jean gasped dramatically.

“What the hell are you idiots doing in my classroom?”

I froze and whipped around to see Mr. Shadis standing in the doorway, familiar narrow eyes glaring at the two of us. He walked swiftly into the room before sitting down behind his desk.

“Get to class before I give you both cuts”, he waved us off before pulling a magazine out of the top drawer.

Jean grabbed his sweater and the ice pack before ducking out the door behind me. We scurried down the hallway, then turned down the stairs to the second floor bursting into laughter. When we got to his locker, I was still snickering, so Jean told me to shut up and punched me in the arm.

Annoyed, I tripped him and he fell flat on his face. On the way back to the nurse’s office, it occurred to me that it would be harder to catch his fall if he could only use one of his arms.

While the nurse was checking out his reopened cut, Jean wouldn’t stop glaring at me. At first I felt that familiar tingling heat to my skin, but after holding meeting his eyes a few times, all my guilt was gone. I sneered at him before stalking out of the infirmary with my hands shoved deep into my pockets. I’d given him back his dumb sweater, there wasn’t anything else for me to do to. I tried.

I thought I could just move on with my life by 7th period. I slid my headphones back around my neck, wary of my teacher, and paid no attention to the boy behind me. Well, I tried to anyway until a spit ball hit me in the back of the neck.

If the French teacher hadn’t walked in at the moment, I would’ve gotten out of my desk and literally hurled the heavy piece of furniture at Jean. Instead, I whipped around to find the blond writing ‘notes’ as if there hadn’t been any disruption in the class schedule. Muttering under my breath, I turned back around and slumped lower into my seat. At least he wasn’t ignoring me anymore.

For the next six months, Jean went between these cycles of hating me so intensely he couldn’t talk to me and staring at me blankly like he wanted to say something. When I came in at the start of Spring with a scar stretching from my hairline to my forehead, he brushed his fingertips over the scar on his cheek and watched me carefully the whole day.

By the time Spring Break came around, we’d advanced to texting again, but not talking. Jean only seemed to ask me for homework except when he sent me a boring ‘Happy Birthday’ a week late.

During Break, I actually didn’t see Jean. Apparently he’d gone off to visit his cousins somewhere in Canada so Marco, Connie, and Sasha ended up gravitating towards me. We hung around the park and the mall until Sasha got her ears pierced. It was dumb, but having her say it wasn’t that bad made me wanna do it too.

Next thing I knew, Mikasa, Marco, Connie, Sasha and I were crammed in the Blouse’s basement on the Northside. Mikasa was holding a needle over a lighter while Sasha excitedly squealed and held an ice cube behind my ear. Marco looked like he was about to barf.

“Sh-shouldn’t you guys go to like Claire’s or something’?” Marco stammered.

I looked over at Marco from the armrest of the couch. He had a good viewing angle to see the needle go right through my earlobe, I didn’t know why he wouldn’t just move if he didn’t wanna see shit.

Armin rolled his eyes, “The needle’s sterilized, it’s fine”.

Armin had his eyes trained on my ear instead of a book for once, he observed Mikasa distantly as if he was taking notes in his head. His round nose twitched as MIkasa snapped the lighter off. His hand holding my hair out of the way started to shake noticeably.

“We can’t afford that shit, this is a much cheaper birthday present anyway”, Connie laughed from his seated position on the floor.

“Ready Eren?” Mikasa watched me carefully, blowing on the needle.

My sister’s steel, gray eyes narrowed hesitantly as she watched my eyes carefully. She loomed over me slightly from her standing position, probably looking more intimidating than she intended.

“Yeah, no, I’m cool. Hot needle through the flesh. It’s all good, I’ll just- FUCK!!” I jerked forward as Mikasa poked the needle through my earlobe without warning.

“Armin, give me the butterfly earing”, Mikasa held her hand out without looking.

“Sorry I only have these ones clean”, Sasha giggled.

“You don’t sound sorry…”, I muttered resisting the urge to scratch at the new hole in my ear. “Mikasa can you warn me next- FUCKING HELL!”

Mikasa’d managed to pierce my other ear without so much as getting my attention to her movement. I squeezed my eye shut as the dull throbbing turned into a sharp pain in both my earlobes. Clenching my fingers tightly, I exhaled loudly through my nose.

“Sis, I love you but I was about to punch you”, I glared at Mikasa who was checking the symmetry of her stabbing.

“If I said something, you might’ve cried _and_ tried to punch me”, she shrugged and moved out of the way so everyone else could see her handy work.

Pouting I narrowed my eyes as a little smirk tugged at Mikasa’s lips.

“Now you really need a haircut, you can’t even see ‘em”, Armin inspected my ears.

“You’re shaggy as ever Eren”, Connie laughed.

Sasha pressed a half melted ice cube into my hand. I held it to my ear and pouted at the rest of them so they could see just how bothered I was by my sister.

“If you hate it so much, whyn’t you cut it”, I grumbled slumping into the couch.

“Eren, you realize Connie cuts my hair right?” Sasha leaned over my shoulder snickering.

“Mine too”, Armin sat on an opposing couch and whipped out a book.

I returned home from my super belated birthday party with a stupid fade and pierced ears. Mom wouldn’t stop gushing about how she couldn’t recognize me so I ended up scratching at my arm as she cooed. But then she was pulling my ear and yelling about how I could get an infection. If anything her yanking on the fresh wound would get it infected.

When I got up to my room later and checked out the butterfly studs in ears, I bit my lips nervously.  All the hair I used to hide behind was gone and I couldn’t stop staring at the jewelry poking out of my skin. Tilting my head around, I combed my bangs over to the right with my fingers and smirked a little. I looked kinda hot.

I wasn’t the only one who’d gotten piercings over break. According to his snapchat story and the various selfies he’d sent Marco, Jean’d gotten his cousin Hitch to give him a lip piercing. The stupid black ring mocked me whenever I checked Facebook on his profile picture.

The worst part was that I wasn't even jealous, I honestly thought the ring complimented his face. I just wished I could see it in person. Seeing him laughing and smiling again, without me, just made my heart ache.

After break, school got kinda busy. Reiner and Ymir suddenly cared about their AP classes while Armin seemed too caught up with honors classes to come over as much. Mikasa’d started hanging around Ymir more after since she was forced onto the softball team, so I found myself taking the bus alone more often.

Connie and I were in Driver’s Ed together, so I talked to him when I could, but I started to notice that I was getting in the way of him hanging out with Sasha. Instead of being a third wheel, I ended up talking to Marco more.

It always seemed like he was trying to get me to hang out with Jean again. Whether he was inviting me to Jean’s birthday party or just asking if I wanted to come game with them, it just seemed like he was doing too much. If Jean really wanted me somewhere, he could fucking tell me to my face.

On the way back home one day, I found myself watching the streets pass by out the window. The bus going down my street was whipping past stops because there weren’t any people standing by the stations so I paid more attention than usual to the street names. The haphazard driving was making me more nervous than I already was. I’d forgotten to give Sasha back a CD I’d borrowed from her and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Mom said I was going through puberty or something, I hoped that’s all it was. I didn’t want a repeat of summer or middle school where I holed myself in my room and mastered an instrument. It wasn’t as fun as it sounded.

When the bus got closer to my neighborhood, I got up and headed towards the front of the bus. Checking my phone, I looked down and lazily reached for the pole to keep myself from falling as I walked. As I dragged my right leg forward, I noticed that my balance was no longer the way it should be.

I tripped and my phone clattered to the bus floor as caught myself on a nearby handrail. Spinning around, I glared at the asshole who’d tripped me.

“Watch it asshole!” they hissed.

“Move your leg shit-for-brains!” I growled back.

Jean glared at me, recognition dawning on his face. A light flush rose to his cheeks as he pressed his lips tightly together. Honey eyes locked with mine.

Blinking, I pulled my headphones off and stared at him.

“Kirschtein what the _fuck_?!”

Jean’s calf was casted and he had bandages across his left forearm. Scratches were littered across his face and a scab was forming under his chin.

“ _What_?” he spat back.

“What the hell happened?” I grabbed my phone before plopping into the seat next to his.

“I, uh, got hit by a car…” he mumbled scratching his fingers through his hair, leaving his crutches to lean against the seat.

“You _what?_ ” my first instinct was to inspect his injuries, but as I reached out, he flinched away.

“I’m fine! God!” Jean’s face turned an even darker shade of red as he swatted my hands away. “This guy just, not so gently, tapped me with the front of his car”, he shrugged. 

“When was this?” I tried to remember if I’d seen Jean with crutches.

“When school got back? I wasn’t at school for a week?” Jean narrowed his eyes at me.

“Oh...I just thought you were avoiding me”, I raised an eyebrow. “Like you always do”.

We watched each other silently for a moment, Jean’s face slowly relaxed from slight irritation to indignation. Focusing on Jean’s eyes, I noticed he wasn’t looking into mine. He was tracing the shape of my face and searching around my new haircut. Suddenly I was hyper aware of how my lips were parted with every exhale. When Jean saw I’d caught him staring, he jumped up from his seat.

“Wait, did we miss our stop?” he leaned on the bus rail and looked out the window.

“Oh shit”, I sprung up with him and grabbed my bag before I realized Jean couldn’t grab the crutches and his bag.

Pulling the bus chord, I grabbed Jean’s bag and pulled it over my shoulder along with my own backpack. He started to protest until he realized we were getting further from home.

“C’mon we gotta go”, I was off the bus before I could think any more of it.

I could hear Jean whining but I just kept walking. I wasn’t gonna carry his crutches and his backpack for him.

“Jaeger you freaking dumbass!” I heard Jean shout over the squealing of the bus pulling away from the curb.

I paused and took a moment to see what the idiot was bitching about. Hiking his bag further up on my shoulder, I turned around.

“Why the fuck did you run off with my bag asshole?”

Jean was leaning against a light pole glaring at me. Without his crutches. Swallowing thickly, I made my way back over to him. Being impulsive never worked out well for me.

“You fucking idiot!” Jean lunged at me as soon as I was at arm’s length.

Holding Jean away from me, I gripped his wrists so his flailing hands wouldn’t hit me. It occurred to me that I had in fact run off the bus because I didn’t want Jean staring at me anymore. 

“Knock it off! Jeez!” I got him to stop by pinning his arms to his sides. “Shit, sorry…”

Letting him go, I dropped his bag and looked down the street. The bus was long gone and barely in sight. Groaning, I turned back towards Jean who was shaking with anger.

“Why are you so fucking stupid!? If you’d just stop trying to save me without asking-”

“I was trying to help!” I cut him off.

“Well fucking stop!” Jean picked up his bag and tried to hobble down the street past me.

My breath caught in my throat and I could hear my teeth grinding together before I was aware of it. Hands clenched into fists, I took a deep breath as I felt my heart race. Closing my eyes, I counted back from ten. I hadn’t talked to him in weeks and he could still piss me off like no one else.

Jean was trying to walk back to our neighborhood but I knew for a fact that it was at least 15 minutes away. Unless he was a masochist, he was gonna need help.

“Look, we established that you don’t hate me, so what is your damn problem?” I followed after him swinging my bag around to wear it against my chest.

Jean ignored me and tried to angrily limp away faster. Groaning, I passed him and crouched down in front of him, blocking his path.

“Get on my back, this’ll take forever with your slow ass stumbling”, I looked over my shoulder hesitantly.

Jean came to a halt, adjusting his bag on his back. Eyeing me carefully, he sucked on his lip ring before sighing and reluctantly climbing onto my back. With his warm chest pressed into my back and arms wrapped around my neck, I held his thighs firmly to hike him higher up. Making a squeaking noise, Jean only squeezed me tighter.

“Wait”, Jean started fidgeting. “I’m probably too heavy with my backpack on. I mean I brought my PreCalc book home even though I don’t have homework. I’m just a slow reader y’know? I gotta read shit over at least eight times, take notes and then I gotta read over the notes and-”

“Kirschtein!”

I heard his teeth clack together loudly as he shut his mouth abruptly. I’d started walking and the combination of his cast knocking against my upper thigh and his babbling was not good for my mood. If he’d kept talking, I literally would’ve dropped him on his ass.

I walked for a good five minutes in silence until Jean cleared his throat awkwardly. Stopping at a crosswalk, I shifted him higher up on my waist again.

“You, uh, pierced your ears?” he asked cautiously.

“You pierced your lip”, I answered, shrugging as Jean relaxed and rested his chin on my shoulder.

I shivered in the April warmth as his breath ghosted over my neck. I could feel Jean’s jaw move against my shoulder, he was probably messing with his lip ring.

“We’re almost there, I can walk”, Jean loosened his grip around my neck.

“You literally broke your leg idiot, let me carry you”, I just gripped his thighs tighter.

“I’m heavy!”

“You’re like the opposite of heavy, you dork”, I scoffed.

“I’m trying not to be such of a fucking burden all the time!” Jean started to squirm in my hold.

I started to stumble because of his shifting weight. I forced myself forward as my heart dropped. I insulted Jean as much as the next guy, but hearing him say self-deprecating shit always rubbed me the wrong way.

When Jean realized I wasn’t going to stop for him, he growled and went back to clinging to my back. Muttering something about me being stubborn, he rested his chin back on my shoulder.

“You’re not-you’re not a burden Jean”, I started keeping my pace slow and steady.

“Jaeger you said it yourself, I’m always whining and getting other people involved in my stupid shit”, he lowered his voice near my ear.

I pursed my lips and tried not to shy away from the tickle of Jean’s hair on the back of my neck.

“Sure you’re annoying as hell, but you’re not a burden”, I tried.

“I’m pretty sure you and Marco are the only people that willingly tolerate me”, Jean sighed. “You can barely deal with me and my parents only do it because they have to”.

“You’re not completely wrong-” Jean tugged at the long hair at the top of my head. “Ow! I’m not finished you fuck! I was just gonna say it’s not bullshit to tell the people you trust about your issues or whatever”, I elbowed him in the ribs.

“You think I trust you?” Jean scoffed.

I stopped walking. We were two blocks from our house but my legs felt so heavy. I was starting to sweat from carrying Jean’s weight, but I was determined to trudge forward.

“I know you do”, I breathed. “I trust you too”.

Jean stiffened against me before letting out a shaky breath. Relaxing completely against my back, I noticed his entire body go slack. His chin returned to my shoulder, warm breath tickling my ear. Neither of us said anything for a block or two.

“Eren, I’m sorry about what I said at Marco’s”, I hadn’t heard my name from his lips in a while.

His voice was almost a whisper so I kept silent and let him continue.

“I, uh, I panicked. I always relied on you so much and then people started teasing you like how they tease Marco and so I…” he swallowed. “I always get super defensive when people uh…”.

“Talk about how gay you are?” I snorted.

“Pfft, I wish”, Jean scoffed. “More like how not gay I am for liking guys. It’s just frustrating”.

I hummed.

“Marco says he doesn’t care if people bother him, but I swear to god I’ve seen his eyelid twitch. It’s terrifying”, Jean loosened his hold around my neck.

“I don’t mind either”, I shrugged.

“Yeah?”

“It’s not that big of a deal”, I hiked Jean up on my back again. “As long as you don’t whine about it”.

“I blame the rest of my bullshit on hormone therapy”, he huffed. “Been feeling wonky for ages”.

“Hormone what?” I caught myself after tripping.

“Hormone therapy, y’know with testosterone and all this other shit”, Jean yawned. “So fucking tiring…”.

I didn’t exactly know what he was talking about, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t even know what kind of question I’d ask if I even had one.

“‘S not an excuse, just an explanation”, he finished as I walked up towards his front door.

Nodding, I shifted him off my back. I turned around and flicked his nose. I smirked as he narrowed his eyes at me.

“I already said this, but sorry about your nose”, I watched his shoes before meeting his eyes. “And, uh, the shit I said too”.

Jean leaned on his good leg and watched my eyes carefully. I thought he was still checking if I could keep eye contact with him, so I assured him by smiling the fakest smile I could muster and baring my teeth.

“Holy shit, put that thing away please”, Jean laughed digging in his pockets for his keys.

His mom’s car wasn’t in the driveway so she was probably still at work.

“Rude”, I grimaced and turned to walk towards my house.

The Kirschtein’s door swung open and Henry poked his head out. Adjusting his glasses, Jean’s father gave me a confused look before smiling. I shifted my backpack around more comfortably over my chest.

“Hey Eren, haven’t seen you around in a while”, he offered looking between Jean and I.

_Yeah because I broke your son’s nose_ , I thought.

Henry raised an eyebrow when he noticed Jean without his crutches. Jean deadpanned him and shrugged.

“Er, yeah. I was busy…”

“Staying out of trouble I hope?” Henry gave me a knowing look.

My mouth hung open awkwardly. When he met my eyes I started fidgeting and focused on his nose when he kept smiling at me. I gripped my backpack straps over my shoulders and dug my nails into the fabric. My headphones felt heavy on my neck but I didn’t dare put them back on.

Jean seemed to pick up that his dad was making me uncomfortable so he cleared his throat from the foot of the stairs.

Hesitantly, I made my way back to Jean so that he could loop his arm over my shoulder and limp up the stairs, leaning his weight against me. I held his waist tightly as he stumbled when his cast caught on the first step. I totally didn’t blush if he made a squeaking noise.

When we got to the top of the steps, Jean accepted his dad’s help to get in the door. He was probably tired even though I carried him.

“Eren, you hungry? I just baked some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies”, Henry paused in the door still holding onto Jean.

_Shit, those were my favorite_. If I tried getting away now it’d look weird.

“Uh, yeah. Sounds cool”, Jean and I made eye contact briefly.

The next thing I knew, Jean and I were sitting on the couch in his living room eating cookies. Sure, his mom had scolded me when she got home about not being so rough with each other, but other than that no one seemed to be really mad at me.

Jean’s stupid broken leg was now propped up on the coffee table prohibiting him from reaching his milk. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed it for him when he cleared his throat coughing ‘friend’ not too subtly. Handing him the half gallon container, I watched slightly disgusted as he downed the remaining contents during a single commercial break from the TV show we were watching.

The light from the TV highlighted Jean’s face as he chewed cookies noisily. I caught him watching me cautiously a few times, but I tried to keep my attention away from his face. I was still anxious about being in his house, he was probably just thinking my hair looked stupid or something. Then he whipped out his phone and I swore he started taking snaps of me.

I ended up grabbing his phone and confessing his undying love to Marco for him, it was a long time coming. When Jean tried reaching over me to get his phone, I held it out of reach and stuck my tongue out at him.

“Maybe this wouldn’t be happening if you didn’t get hit by a car”, I teased blandly, tossing his phone on the floor out of reach.

“Shut up”, he hissed, punching me in the arm weakly. “I was spacing”, he grumbled giving up on his phone.

“What, you missed me that much?” I scoffed.

Jean didn’t answer. He curled back up on the other side of the couch as much as he could and scowled at the TV. I shrugged and put my eyes back on the bright colored screen. This was better than nothing.

***

When Jean first started riding the bus to school, Armin and I helped him out until he got new crutches. Mikasa had offered to just carry him around but Jean had waved her off, blushing like crazy. He sure as hell was whiny unless he actually needed help.

After I started talking to Jean at school again, Connie returned to his side with Sasha. As if all of our friends had been waiting for us to make up, they surrounded Jean like they always had. I didn’t realize I had such a big effect on how our friend group acted. It was nice to know they all wanted me there.

Now when Reiner was going on about how the school put too much funding into the baseball and not football, Jean would swing by on his way to the bathroom and join the conversation. He seemed less tense around upperclassmen now, I wasn’t sure if he noticed it.

Soon the seniors were graduating and moving on with their lives, leaving me feeling a little empty. I hadn’t made new friends in a while but I was glad I’d gotten to know them. quality wisdom about burritos only came once in a lifetime.

**From Jeanbo** : Open ur door

**To Jeanbo** : Wut

**From Jeanbo** : Open ur backdoor, it’s fxking hot

Groaning, I turned the stove off as the kettle started to whistle and headed towards the backdoor in the kitchen. Shoving my phone in my pocket, I yanked the door open to find Jean standing on our back steps holding a plate of cake and wearing a party hat.

“Where were you yesterday?” he pushed his way in and put the cake on the table.

“Marco was crushed man, and you missed Sasha sliding down his stairs on a mattress. But of course since you weren’t there, everyone was disappointed Mikasa wasn’t-”

“My mom’s sick”, I folded my arms across my chest and kicked the door close.

Jean stopped what he was doing, the milk carton from our fridge still at his lips. Putting it back, he cleared his throat and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. I just bought that fucking milk.

“Oh...is she okay?” Jean ran his fingers through his hair.

“Yeah, but since dad’s not back yet, Mikasa and I have to take care of her”, I went back to the stove to finish preparing the cup of tea I started. “I think it’s just a flu”, I shrugged.

“Wait, your dad?” Jean narrowed his eyes at me.

“Yeah, he should be calling soon…” I opened the cabinet for another mug. “You want some hot chocolate or something?”

“I... I thought…”, I could almost hear Jean fidgeting with his piercing. “I didn’t know he was still...I’ve never met your dad”.

“Be kinda weird if you did, he spends a lot of time in Southeast Asia”.

“Uh?” Jean closed the fridge.

It occurred to me that maybe Jean didn’t know what I was talking about. I didn’t usually talk about my dad, nor did I want to in particular.

“Y’know, how we adopted Mikasa?” I turned the stove back on to boil some milk.

“Ok, story please”, Jean pulled out a chair to sit at the kitchen table.

“Not much of a story”, I shrugged. “My dad’s a surgeon, kinda like those ‘doctors without borders’ or whatever? But he’s assigned to Vietnam, Malaysia, and Thailand. And on one trip he kinda came back with Mikasa from Vietnam”.

“Oh”, Jean nodded, twiddling his fingers. “You never told me”.

“I figured she would’ve told you if you wanted, or if you’d asked”, I reached for the hot chocolate. “Most people ask when they figure out we’re siblings”.

“You’re not adopted either?” Jean watched my face hesitantly.

“Nah, I got my dad’s Jaeger blood”, I went to the fridge for milk but found the carton empty.

“You don’t really look like him”, Jean chewed his lip.

Furrowing my brows, I narrowed my eyes at him. My relatives were always going on about how everything but my eyes looked like my dad. My mom’s dad was particularly angry that I didn’t have his nose.

“What?”

Jean watched his hands as he picked at his thumbnail. “He’s not from, like, the same place as your mom?"

I watched Jean mess with his hands nervously. I hadn’t really payed much attention to his pale skin and light hair in the past, sometimes I forgot I didn’t look like most of the people in this neighborhood.

“He’s German, Jaeger?” I shrugged deciding to make hot chocolate with water.

“Yeah…I knew that…”, Jean still looked puzzled.

“My mom’s mom is American but my grandpa’s from Turkey”, I explained. “My cousins always make fun of how light I am, sometimes they call me a white boy”.

“Seriously?”

“But then my German cousins always talk about how dark I am”, I added the chocolate powder to the boiling water.

“Ah yes, annoying European cousins”.

I turned around and saw Jean looking at me again.

“Speaking of, they still tease you?”

“They freaking called me _Gene_ last time I was there... _They're French_ ”, Jean groaned.

“Relatives are delightful...”, I sighed.

“I like your family though”, Jean took the mug I offered him. “Last time I was looking at your family pictures, I just noticed your whole family looks kinda different. It’s cool. Your hair’s even starting to get curly but your mom’s is super straight”.

I ran my fingers through my wavy hair and twisted a lock around my finger. When it was short it always looked curlier than it was and the summer humidity wasn’t helping anything.

“Pfft, it’s just fluffy”, I grabbed my mom’s mug.

I heard Mikasa’s voice from the other room get louder as she neared the kitchen, she sounded a little annoyed. When she came into the room, she spared Jean a wary glance before continuing her phone conversation with a tired expression.

“Yeah...he’s right here. No I got it”, she practically shoved the phone into my hands.

“I didn’t hear the phone ring”, I held it in front of me.

“I called him”, she took the mug from my hands. “Kirschtein help me out yeah?”

Jean jumped up and gripped his mug tightly. “Uh, sure, yeah, I can do stuff”, he flushed.

I held the phone to my ear as Jean followed after Mikasa, she would probably make him help her clean up the living room or something. Jean was strangely good at organizing things.

“Eren?” Dad’s voice crackled over the phone weakly.

“I’m here”, I sighed and held the phone to my other ear, tucking clean dishes into the cabinet.

“Mikasa says you two have been taking care of your mom well, keeping her hydrated and keeping her rested. Did you remember her medication?”

“Yeah dad, we made sure she was eating well too”, I continued to make my way around the kitchen, cleaning up.

“Good, good…”, he coughed. “How’s school?”

“Same”.

He hummed

After I finished getting the ingredients for dinner later, I cleared my throat. Dad hadn’t said a word and I was too tired to wait for him to try and make conversation again. We never had much to talk about unless it was about my latest injuries.

“So you’ll be back this Christmas, right?” I made my way out of the kitchen to see if Mikasa needed any help handling Jean.

Dad made a noncommittal noise, “I’ll try”.

Mikasa looked up from folding sheets when I came into the living room. Jean was next to her separating socks from the rest of the clean clothes in a laundry basket. He looked between the two of us as Mikasa rolled her eyes.

“You said that last year, mom was really disappointed when you called the 23rd and-”

“Eren you know I’m doing my best”, he said firmly, cutting me off.

“Is your best not showing up for two years? Because that doesn’t seem like trying at all”, I snapped.

Mikasa huffed and carried the folded bed linens up the stairs, balancing the clothes Jean had folded in her other arm.

I knew I was being harsh but all I could think of was how Mikasa and I had to walk home sick because mom couldn’t pick us up. Or how we never showed up to parent-teacher conferences because mom couldn’t get off work. Or just how tired mom looked all the time.

I heard him sigh over the phone. “I know, I know...Things are more complicated than just leaving when I feel like it”.

Jean’s eyes stayed glued to my back as I stalked back into the kitchen, ignoring his gaze. He barely knew anything about my father, he didn’t need to overhear one of our petty fights.

“I know”, I eyed the piece of cake sitting on the counter, still in the kitchen.

“I’ll make it this time, just make sure to help your mother where you can, alright?” I could hear other voices over the line. “I have to go, love you. Tell Mikasa too”.

“Sure”, I gripped the phone tightly. “Love you too”.

With a light chuckle, the line went dead. Pressing my lips together tightly, I put the phone back on the coffee table near the couch. Going back into the kitchen, I sat at the dining table and wolfed down the cake Jean had brought me. I hadn’t eaten all day.

When Jean wandered in a few minutes later cradling dirty dishes, he saw my expression and dumped them in the sink loudly. I wondered if the kid had any subtlety in anything he did. Ever.

“He sounds like a stand-up guy”, Jean muttered.

I pursed my lips and slouched in the chair, fork still in my mouth. I was pretty sure I was making things sound worse than they were, but it was true that my dad had been absent for a good portion of my life.

“Eren?”

My eyes snapped to Jean’s, his eyebrows were raised and his lips were parted gently.

“Sorry, what?”

“Mikasa said she was going out for more aspirin and that she’d pick up more milk”, Jean tilted his head to the side.

I nodded and went to the sink to start washing dishes again. I yawned and felt Jean hovering over me so I motioned at the dish towel hanging off the oven door handle. Jean took the hint and silently started to dry dishes.

“Anything else I can, uh, help with?” Jean fumbled with a plate before I grabbed it with a soapy hand. “You look tired”.

Rinsing it off again, I narrowed my eyes at the taller guy.

“I was just gonna chill because mom’s asleep now. Maybe watch a movie or something”, I handed him back the plate with another yawn. “You can stay if you want”, I shrugged.

“Might as well”, Jean looked back at the dinner table. “Holy shit when did you eat that”.

“What can I say, I like to eat”, I met his eyes. “All of you guys are just trying to fatten me up with sweet shit”.

“No one forces you to eat like a starving coyote all the time”.

“Fair enough”, I muttered.

“Oh, and I’m staying here this summer”.

“Yeah?” I turned the water off and started wiping down the cabinets.

“My dad’s making me get a job though. Either that or stay with my aunt in France”, Jean grimaced.

“You’ve gone almost every year since you were like 12, right?” I pictured Jean on a plane with a broken nose.

“Yeah and I don’t need my stupid cousins making fun of my face and accent again”, Jean plopped himself down at the dinner table.

“I think it’s perfect”, I shrugged watching him.

“What, my face?” Jean leaned over on his elbows, flashing a smirk.

“Tch”, I rolled my eyes. “No your French dude”, I deadpanned.

“But my face is cute, no?” he pouted.

My eyes snapped to his lips, tracing his smirk to his jawline before watching his throat as he swallowed loudly.

“Wh-what job are you gonna get?” I went back to the sink with my back to him and put the dish cloth back.

Jean didn’t answer for a while, I heard him get up from the table.

“Well most jobs I applied to refused to call me Jean or wanted me to dye my hair brown”, he sighed.

“Really?”, I started heading into the living room.

“Yeah it was so stupid!”, Jean followed, grabbing a package of cookies from the counter. “My dad’s personally dying my hair brown so I can work at the stupid frozen yogurt place in the mall”.

I froze and Jean kept walking over my heels.

“Wait, in the new section of the mall?”, I turned on the bottle-blond.

Jean narrowed his eyes at me. “Yeah, that place Berry Sweet”.

My expression dropped and I groaned before running my hands down my face. Jean sneered at me before opening the cookie package and shoving five whole cookies in his mouth.

“So what?” he spat cookie crumbs at my face.

Snatching the cookies from him, I turned and kept walking towards the living room couch before plopping down on the floor in front of it.

“I’m working at the same stupid place, that’s why I had to cut my hair again…”, I groaned. “My mom doesn’t want me moping around like last summer”, I shoved some cookies into my mouth.

“I’m surprised they let a lazy ass like you work there”, Jean basically threw himself on my couch and knocked my head with his elbow as he reached for the remote.

“Shut up ass face”, I yawned. “I’m not lazy, I just manage myself efficiently”, I slapped his legs dangling off the edge of the couch.

“Efficient? You wait last minute to do everything! If you just did your homework on time you wouldn’t have to stress about it later. You might even be good enough for honors if you-”

“Shut up nerd. Not everyone wants to be in dumb advanced classes or whatever”, I snorted.

“I don’t think you could handle it anyway with that tiny intellect of yours”, Jean clicked the TV on, a crime show Mikasa liked was playing.

“At least I have the brain capacity not to call Sasha Connie!” I burst out laughing.

“That was one time!” Jean kicked my shoulder.

Cackling, I grabbed his fuzzy leg as he tried to kick me with his other foot. When Jean tried to reach down and slap the back of my head, I twisted around and pulled him onto the floor with a loud thump. Jean immediately went for my throat and tackled me onto my back. He arrogantly slapped my face around before I grabbed his sides and tickled him, still laughing.

Big mistake.

Clutching my jaw, I let my bitten tongue hang out of my mouth. My eyes were tearing up.

As soon as I’d gotten Jean onto his back with tickles, his foot had shot out and nailed me in the jaw, making me bite my tongue.

“Shit, are you crying?” Jean crouched in front of me, wringing his fingers nervously.

“No you fuckth”, I slapped his arm as payback. “Mah tugth huth”, I glared at him.

“Oh”, Jean observed me closely, chewing his lip. “I thought you were crying”.

“I’m noth”.

“You sure?”

“Jean I’m _noth_ cwying”, I sat myself back up against the couch.

“Ok”, Jean said absently, climbing back up onto the couch. “I think Pacific Rim is showing somewhere right now”, he changed the channel, clearing his throat.

By the time the movie really got going, I felt myself nodding off. Leaning my head on Jean’s warm leg, I felt myself too drowsy to move. Jean flinched at first, before shifting his leg so I could lie on it more comfortably. The exhaustion from taking care of mom the past few days was finally hitting me.

The heat of Jean’s leg against my cheek lulled me into gentle sleep where I was still aware of him laughing along to one-liners from the TV screen. His bright, chimey laugh reverberated through his entire body jostling me slightly every time it erupted from his chest. I didn’t even remember falling asleep.

When I came to, it was dark out and my neck had a really bad crick in it. My cheek was pressed so tightly into Jean’s knee that I could feel the inside of my cheek sliding between my teeth.

A little smile tugged at my lips as I felt fingers sliding through my hair and combing through loose tangles. Fingertips soothed into my scalp before they twisted small strands of my hair into little curls.

Opening my eyes slowly, I waited for them to adjust to the dark. Light no longer filtered in from the living room’s windows so I figured it was late in the afternoon. I must’ve passed out for hours, long enough for my sister to go to the store and possibly run other errands. I could make out Mikasa sitting in the arm chair next to the couch. Squinting, her dark hair came into focus.

Furrowing my brows, I realized Mikasa wasn’t anywhere near me. Jean was the one playing with my hair. He combed through the top parts before playing with the shorter strands near the base of my neck. Jean used the blunt of his nails to scratch behind my ear and I almost groaned at the feeling. A heat rose to my cheeks, my first instinct was to get up and move, but something about it was so calming.

Keeping my breathing steady, I tried not to practically purr as he scratched his blunt nails into my scalp. Shifting slightly, I tried to get his knee to stop stabbing me in the face.

Jean’s hand retracted so fast from my hair I would’ve thought he touched an open flame. When I kept my eyes open and pressed my face back to his leg, I watched Mikasa across the room. It looked like she was making eye contact with Jean, at least until she rolled her eyes and watched the TV again. She’d mouthed something at him, but I hadn’t caught it.

When I was just about to nod off or get up, Jean’s fingers slid back into my hair. Savoring the feeling, I let my shoulders relax as I drifted off again. When I woke up the second time, my face was pressed into the living room’s carpet and Jean’s legs were propped up on my back. Mikasa was gone and it was completely dark outside.

Jean acted the same as usual for the next few weeks before we started working at the mall. While we were going through training, we found out we’d actually be working the same shifts. Whenever Jean would hold my eye contact too long, I’d remembers his fingers in my hair and look away. I didn’t think it was worth bringing up.

 

After we got into the rut of working together for a week, Jean and I started getting along better. Well, more like not hitting each other every five seconds. Ymir threatening to beat us with a broom if we started trouble was more than a good enough incentive. 

Berry Sweet was your average annoying frozen yogurt chain with way more topping choices than actual frozen yogurt flavors. That wouldn’t be too bad if the employees weren’t required to wear those gross chartreuse aprons with ‘Have a Sweet Day!!’ printed in bright pink font across the chest. Jean and I both agreed, we wanted to burn the damn things.

Our shift was near the end of the day after lunch, so there weren’t actually that many customers. At this time of the day, most people were too lazy to make the extra trip to the new side of the mall where only a few new stores had opened. The rest of the spaces around us were still empty.

I usually found myself leaning over the counter, watching the few stragglers heading for the parking lot pass by as Jean stood behind the cash register. We both agreed that he was better suited for customer interaction than me.

“Jean stop leaning on the counter, it’s not good for business”, Ymir flicked the back of my head.

Jean glared a Ymir crumpling up a receipt a customer had left at the counter. He pouted and haphazardly tossed it in the trash by the yogurt machines.

“ _I’m_ Jean, you hag”, he hissed.

I got off the counter and looked at Ymir. She looked like she was about to tear Jean’s head off for the fifth time this week. Jean’s lack of respect for authority figures was always clashing with Ymir’s heavy handed absolute loyalty style of yogurt stand management.

“Wait, did you just mistake me for that shithead?” I gestured at Jean who flicked his gaze over to me.

Ymir blinked as she realized her mistake. Folding her arms across her chest, she shrugged.

“Ya’ll two are basically the same person anyway”, she grabbed a rag and shoved it into my chest. “Can’t help that I don’t care enough to learn the difference between a bitchy turd and a pissy turd”.

I huffed indignantly before wiping down the front counter where toppings were littered across the linoleum surface.

“How the hell could you mistake me for that moron, he basically wears the same thing every day”, Jean started pushing random buttons on the register.

“Hey! At least my hair doesn’t look like ass”, I snickered pointing at his poop colored hair.

“Will you two knock it off? Jesus!” Ymir started heading towards the back room. “I need a break”.

As soon as Ymir was out of sight, Jean and I were back to bickering. When we’d gone to the beach a few weeks ago, Jean’d ended up in the sand with Marco for the duration of the trip while Connie, Sasha, Armin and I messed around in the lake. When I’d come over and tried to sit with him, he threw sand at my face so I kicked him over and left him alone. I hadn’t properly gotten back at him yet.

Grabbing a handful of sprinkles from the container under the counter, I snuck behind Jean pretending I was going to dump out the trash. Padding directly behind him, I pulled down the neck of his uniform and dumped every springle in my hand down his shirt.

Jean grabbed at his shirt trying to shake the sprinkles out all the while hissing loudly. Cackling, I went back to the yogurt machines as a customer came to the counter with their cup to weigh.

A girl taller than Jean placed her yogurt on the scale and popped the gum in her mouth with a loud click. Jean immediately stopped fidgeting around and stood upright. As the girl combed her thick curly hair out of her face and over her shoulder, I thought I literally saw Jean’s eyes bulge out of his skull.

In my opinion, it was way too hot to be wearing docs and thigh highs with overalls but this chick could wear whatever the fuck she wanted. Even if it didn’t particularly match.

Said girl moved over to the toppings, briefly making uncomfortable eye-contact with me. I went back to the machines and grabbed the broom to start sweeping crumbs off the floor. When I looked up at the register, Jean was fidgeting awkwardly like he often did in front of Mikasa. He was forcing that cocky smile of his and it was super obvious.

A black wallet slid out from the girl’s front pocket as she held it in her slim fingers. She placed her yogurt on the counter as she pulled a few bills from between the folds in the leather. Handing Jean her money, she popped her gum and leaned over the counter.

“Yer name’s Gene?” she twirled some hair around her finger.

Jean fumbled with the change coming from the register’s drawer.

“Nah”, he drawled. “You gotta let it roll off your tongue”.

“ _Jean_?”, she held her hand out as Jean dropped coins into her palm.

“It's French”, Jean took that moment to finally muster up all the charisma he had to wink.

As if cued, the girl burst into giggles and pocketed her change. Grabbing her frozen yogurt, she smiled and glided out of the shop. I watched Jean deflate as she passed out the door.

“Bye _Jean_ ”, she called over her shoulder before disappearing into the mall.

Now, Jean always had a habit of flirting with girls at school when he's nervous. You could tell he doesn't know how to act around them, so he just kinda comes off as charismatic and playful. But it's usually annoying. But what happened just now was honest Jean.

Most people didn't get to see him like that. That was him when he was so self-conscious all he could do to keep from fidgeting was run his fingers through his hair. The first time he ever asked Mikasa out he was blushing and tugging at his hair.

It was weird seeing him act that way around a stranger.

Jean was still staring after her by the time I finished sweeping. My hands were gripping the broom handle so hard they were starting to cramp. By the time I realized my eyes were glued to the floor, all I could hear was my heart beating loud in my ears. I went back behind the counter and tossed the broom in the corner. I just needed to busy myself wiping the counters, even if they were already clean.

“Smooth moves Kirschtein…”, Jean muttered to himself.

“It’s a miracle you’re not already dating my sister”, I shrugged.

“That’s different”, he fiddled with the ring on his lip. “She hates me”.

He was circling his fingers around the plastic covering of the buttons on the register as he stared out the door. Jean’s eyelashes fluttered as another customer passed by the door without coming in, he seemed to be thinking about something else entirely.

“Nice job proving how straight you were to that girl”, I mumbled.

“Huh?” he tilted his head innocently.

“Nothing”.

There was this little black spot on the pink counter that just would not come out no matter how hard I scrubbed. I sprayed more cleaning fluid on the area and went back to wiping it with a rag. It seemed like it was on the layer under the clear finish of the counters.

“Leave me alone, I’m a dumb bisexual”, Jean hissed at me.

I rolled my eyes and pretended to ignore him, which I knew Jean hated more than anything. Jean moved closer to me just as the back door swung open violently and Ymir strolled out. He snapped back to the cash register, feigning alertness.

Ymir ended up slapping the back of my head and telling me that if I wanted busy work, I could clean up the sprinkles all over the floor behind the counter. Flushing, I sneered and picked up the broom again. I avoided looking in Jean’s direction the rest of our shift, my face kept heating up.

A few weeks later, I was coming home from martial arts when my phone started buzzing like crazy. When I got home, I threw my duffel on my bed and tossed my headphones on my desk. Just as I finished pulling my shirt over my head, my phone buzzed eight times in a row. Flinging my shirt across my room, I groaned and grabbed my phone.

Jean had sent me 20 video snaps and I was honestly terrified. Flopping onto my mattress, I hesitantly viewed them. It started out with Jean complaining about how bored and lonely he was because Marco was visiting family for the weekend. I didn’t see why that was my problem.

Then it progressed into selfies of Jean from various angles. He’s somehow managed to get such perfect angles that the slight pout to his lips looked cute, not annoying. In a few, he puffed out his cheeks, trying to be cute.

By the tenth snap, Jean was taking pictures from the angle that best showed off his eight chins. Laughing, I covered my mouth feeling my heart beat a little faster. Honestly I’d think Jean was cute no matter what his face looked like.

The next few snaps were of Jean putting on his shoes and walking out of his house...down the street...and-

A tapping on my window made me jump and fling my phone god knew where. Eyeing my window suspiciously, I slid off my bed and opened the blinds. I didn’t expect Jean Kirschtein to be perched on the tree branch outside my window sticking his tongue out at me.

“Open your window dummy”, Jean kicked my window and started wobbling before catching himself.

Fearing for his safety, I propped my window wide enough for him to fit and held out my hand. The tree was a few feet from my window so I leaned out and glared at Jean. He had this goofy look of sunshine plastered on his face like it was normal for him to climb a tree to get into my house. His bright teeth shone as the sun set behind him.

“How the fuck did you get out here?” I hissed.

“Shh...You’re gonna freak Mikasa out”, Jean hissed back, readying himself to make the jump.

“I swear to god…”, I muttered running my fingers through my hair.

Jean took that opportunity to leap over to me from the tree branch. As I looked up and saw Jean careening towards me, I instinctively opened my arms as he barreled into me and knocked the both of us onto my bedroom floor. My head slammed against thin carpeting and my back stung from the impact.

With Jean pressed into my bare chest, I held onto him tightly until my senses rearranged themselves. We both held deathly still, listening for the slightest sound from Mikasa’s room next to mine. Hearing nothing, I let go of Jean and let him sit up.

The sun had completely set so my eyes took a while to adjust to Jean’s form above me illuminated by street light. He was gripping my shoulders firmly as my hands slid from his thin waist. I ended up resting my hands on his hips as my throat ran dry, unsure of what to do with them. Jean’s sweet honey eyes seemed to glow as they met mine.

“Sorry”, Jean whispered, breathlessly.

“‘S okay”, I cleared my throat.

Gripping the hem of Jean’s tank top, I held his gaze until it fell on my lips. The only sound I could hear was the loud thundering of my heart against my ribcage and Jean’s frantic breathing. I nibbled lightly on my lower lip, feeling self-conscious. Jean shifted from his forearms to his hands, shoving his knee between my legs.

“Hey Jean”, I let go of his shirt and winced.

“Hmm?” Jean hummed, trying to meet my eyes again.

“Your knee is in my crotch…”, I groaned.

“Shit! Sorry!” Jean scrambled off me and leaned against the wall under the window.

Clutching my tender areas, I rolled onto my side and inhaled through my teeth willing the pain away. I exhaled slowly through my nose and ground my teeth together until I could think straight again... When I sat up, I glared at Jean.

“Why the fuck are you here again?” I whispered.

“I ‘unno”, Jean shrugged and yawned. “Why ain’t you got clothes on?”

“I was changing dweeb, y’know cuz this is my room?” I sighed and stood up to strip out of my pants.

I wiggled the basketball shorts down off my hips and tossed them somewhere on the floor.

“Dude, what the hell?!” Jean hissed, covering his eyes and swatting at me.

“Dude whatever, you’ve seen me in swim trunks”, I looked around my room for shorts and a tank.

“I didn’t ask for this”.

“I didn’t ask for you to come into my room”, I laughed and stepped over him towards my closet. “Plus, you know you love it”.

Jean hummed in agreement before hopping onto my bed. Even though I was facing away from him, his gaze on me made my neck burn. I was looking for clothes in my closet but I was thoroughly distracted by Jean’s blatant admittance of my attractiveness at times.

I used to always tease Jean that he thought I was attractive or something, but then he just started agreeing with me instead of denying it. At first, it threw me off guard. It was weird to have Jean compliment me openly without expecting some kind of dumb insult right after it.

Stretching my arms over my head, I yawned and rose up on my toes.

“Now you’re just doing that on purpose”, Jean scoffed from behind me.

“What? I’m looking for clean clothes”, I shrugged folding my arms over my chest. “I didn’t ask you to watch”.

“You’re sure as hell taking your time”, Jean huffed.

I turned around and glared at him, sliding my thumbs under the elastic of my boxer-briefs.

“Still haven’t told me why you’re here”.

Jean’s eyes never quite met mine. They trailed down my chest before reaching the elastic band of my underwear. Jean’s pupils were wide and his lip was caught between his teeth. I watched his blue frames slide down his face, but he didn’t move to push them back up his nose. I held still, listening to the sound of my own breathing. A heated blush rose to my cheeks as I swallowed thickly. My skin felt warm and uncomfortable as a tingling feeling danced across my torso.   

Jean’s bright teeth contrasted sharply with his flushed, bitten lips. When I moved my hand to scratch at the hair trailing up to my belly button, Jean’s eyes finally met mine.

A thin ring of golden honey irises outlined wide pupils.

“Sorry, what?” he started fidgeting and bunching the sheets in his fists.

“Uh…”, my brain was running through images of Jean’s lips. “Never said why you were here”.

Jean pressed his lips together and fell back against my comforter. He stretched out his body across my twin bed and stared up at the ceiling instead of answering me. I turned back around to look for some shirts on my floor. I knew Jean could’ve probably noticed the flush rising on the back of my neck, but it would be better if we both ignored it.

“You ever kiss anybody?”

I choked a little on my spit. I dropped the shirt I’d found but refused to turn around and look at the other boy.

“I kissed Armin when we were kids”, I offered.

Jean hummed and I heard him shift around on my bed, making the mattress springs creak a little under his weight. He sighed.

“Marco kissed me before he left”.

I had to turn around at that. Sure, most people knew Jean and Marco were inseparable, but I didn’t see them being romantic or anything. Pulling a shirt off the floor, I slipped it over my head and went to sit on my bed next to Jean. The mattress dipped as I propped myself up against my wall and looked down at him pouting. He was chewing his thumb.

“What, did you not like it?” I’d never had any experience other than a kiss to Armin’s cheek.

“It was weird”, Jean admitted furrowing his brows.

“Was, uh, was that your first kiss?” I chewed my lip.

“Pfft”.

“I’m serious!”, I hissed.

“Nah”, Jean took his thumbnail from between his teeth but still gazed blankly at the ceiling.

“Well then, what’s the dealio?”

Jean glared at me.

“I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it...but I was still surprised…”, Jean ran his fingers through his hair.

All those times Jean had leaned into Marco’s ear to whisper something or how close they walked together flooded my mind. I’d even seen them hold hands a few times, I’d never thought too hard about it. My chest felt a little tight as I wrung my fingers, holding my breath.

“Are you guys gonna go out or something…?” I started picking the paint of my left thumbnail.

“What? No”, Jean responded indignantly. “I don’t...I don’t like him like that”.

He sat up, crossing his legs and picking at the hem of his tight skinnies. His face was still scrunched up a little bit so I hit his thigh with the back of his hand.

“Is he okay with that?” Jean watched my hand.

“He said he was but...he looked so confused. I don’t think we’re gonna be friends like we used to be”, his thumbnail was back in his mouth. “I couldn’t really tell Connie, he’s busy with Sasha now”.

“Oh”, my hand slid off of Jean’s leg. “I’m sure, uh, things’ll work out or whatever” 

“Eloquent”.

“Shove off!”, I tried to keep my voice low.

Jean’s expression dissolved into a bright, open grin. He kept himself from bursting into laughing by biting his tongue lightly. My face was practically on fire, so I rubbed at my eyes and scowled at my hands.

“Plus, I like someone else anyways. I told him that”.

My eyes met Jean’s. He wasn’t really smiling anymore so much as he had a lazy, open expression. His eyes flicked down to my comforter before holding my gaze firmly. I was vaguely aware of his fingernails tapping on his leg.

“To be honest, I thought you liked Marco”, I looked out the window.

Anywhere but at Jean.

“I almost could’ve”, Jean started picking at the fabric of his pants again.

“What stopped you?” I whispered almost to myself.

Jean took a long time to respond. I didn’t dare look anywhere in his direction, so I watched the moon grow larger in the sky. We were far enough from the city to see a few stars out in the night, so I watched them twinkle in the darkness.

“I started liking that other person first”, his voice was barely above a whisper.

“Who?”

I stiffened when Jean leaned against my shoulder. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it, but it was usually only because he was gonna take a nap or something. It took me a while to relax in the darkness of my room. A little light from the streetlight down the block filtered in through the window, but I could barely make out the posters on the other side of my room.

“You can’t tell?” Jean sighed in exasperation.

My blood ran cold. I was never good at picking up on subtle emotional things, it used to be a big reason I got into fights so much. Even if I had been paying attention to who Jean liked, I probably wouldn’t have noticed. I wasn’t even good with making friends before high school, it was a miracle I had any now.

“Well it’s not _me_ ”, I rubbed the back of my neck with my free hand. “I’m pretty gross-”

“You’re not gross-”

“-and we can barely stand each other”, I scratched at my neck. “Dunno why anyone’d like me.”

My nails dug into my skin.

“All I do is get angry and overreact over everything. I even broke your fucking nose. I don’t know how anyone could like a guy like that…”, my voice trailed off.

Jean didn’t move for a while. He only reached up to rub at his eyes with the back of his hand, I tried not to notice. Although I felt my chest tighten, I couldn’t say anything else to him. I wasn’t good with this kinda shit and usually ended up making things worse. It was better to keep my mouth shut.

When I heard Jean sniff, I shifted to try and look at him. He wasn’t crying or anything, but he was rubbing at his nose now. I pushed down the gnawing pain stifling in my chest and bit my lip against saying anything. I realized I didn’t know what I would say even if I did want to tell him something.

“You’re not gross”, Jean breathed.

I shrugged nonchalantly as Jean shifted away from me.

“Still pretty dumb”.

Jean slugged me in the arm pretty hard, I had to clench my teeth against yelping. I glared at him as he slid off my bed, his hands balled into fists. He looked like he was shaking. The air in my room was suddenly full of tension as Jean moved towards the window.

“Dude, go out the front door”, I bounced off my bed, my nails digging into the palm of my hand.

“I’ll wake Mikasa”, he put his hand on the windowsill.

“Then, uh, you can sleep here”.

“I can’t”.

“You’ve slept in here before”, I insisted.

“I _can’t_ ”, his voice rose slightly.

“I’ll even sleep on the floor-”

“I’m fine”, Jean cut me off.

We both got quiet after that, listening closely for any sign Mikasa had woken up. I stilled my breathing to listen to the room beside mine. I didn’t hear anything.

“Uh...yeah, okay”, I gave up.

Jean seemed to have curled in on himself. He rubbed his arm anxiously and watched the window closely. Sighing, he started to climb onto the windowsill.

“Wait, no seriously go out the front door”, I stepped up behind him as he hung his legs outside.

“You’ll get in trouble”, Jean wouldn’t look at me.

“You’re gonna fall”, I grabbed his arm.

“I said I’m fine”, Jean wiggled out of my grasp.

A light rap of knuckles got my attention. My eyes snapped to my bedroom door. It was started to creak open, my heart stopped.

“Shit!” Jean hissed, sliding off the window ledge.

“You can’t jump down from the second floor idiot!” I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Leggo!” Jean twisted away.

“You’re gonna fall dumbass!” we were both yelling.

“Eren?” I turned to see Mikasa peeking from the door.

I was leaning out the window, with my arm wrapped around Jean. Mikasa watched me until her eyes adjusted to the moonlight. When Jean turned around, my weight shifted forward.

Jean grabbed onto the wall as I tumbled out the window. My hands tried grasping up as the window went farther and farther out of reach. Before I slammed into the ground, my arms reached out in front of me.

I felt the pain radiate up my left arm like an electric shock, tearing its way up to my shoulder and burning there. I couldn’t remember if I was yelling, all I could hear was the ringing in my ears and the throbbing of pain pulsating from my forearm. The ground below my window smelled like fresh-cut grass and summer sun-soaked dirt. I vaguely registered that I’d fallen at the foot of the oak tree.

Breaking your arm really sucked. Mikasa and Jean had to go wake mom up, even though she was sick, and they all piled into the car to drive me to the hospital. Mikasa was screaming at Jean while I tried to calm her down and Jean was yelling right back. Neither of them would listen to me which was honestly just rude. The fact that they kept jostling my probably dislocated shoulder was not helping anything.

I eventually got a cast after waiting around in the emergency room for an hour. Mom was freaking out because I was pretty sure she still had a fever and she had no idea how I’d ended up like this. She shouldn’t have had to get out of bed.

After we dropped Jean off at home and I got back in bed, I really started to think about what he was saying. I felt bad for making things about me, but I still didn’t get why he’d punched me so hard. It wasn’t like I was gonna tease him for liking whoever he liked.

That night I didn’t sleep well, my refusal to take painkillers and anxiety about my fight with Jean kept me up. Except, I wasn’t even sure it was a fight. Sure, he’d gotten mad but I didn’t feel like it was like our usual fights. Something felt off.

Around noon the next day, when I figured most people would be awake, I decided to text Connie. That basically meant texting Sasha, so I just addressed them both.

**To C0nMan** : Yo wut’s up wit Jean?

I sat up against my headboard and ground my teeth together against the minor pain. It wasn’t unbearable, I’d been through worse when Mikasa’d hit me in the face with an aluminum bat when we were kids. Over-the-counter painkillers were enough for me.

My phone buzzed.

**From C0nMan** : Why whatever would you mean? :3

I squinted at my phone screen.

**To C0nMan** : I mean he came into me room ystrdy, told me Marco kissed im then punched me.

Once my message sent, Connie didn’t reply for a good five minutes. I’d ended up getting distracted and checking Facebook, so I was surprised when my phone buzzed with a notification.

**From C0nMan** : I was not aware that had happened 0.0???

My face scrunched up, I didn’t know why he’d know. Jean told me specifically that he hadn’t told Connie anything.

**From C0nMan** : Did Jean tell you who he liked? ;)))))))

**To C0nMan** : No he tell u?

**From C0nMan** : Wait, he didn’t tell you? 0.o

**To C0nMan** : No y wld he?

**From C0nMan** : Oh shit, hold on a sec :00000

I was more confused than when I’d started this whole conversation. I was about to just let everything go when I got a message from someone else.

**From SquishBaby** : OMG EREN IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW IM SO SORRY OMG T.T ^^;

**To SquishBaby** : Marco wtf?

**From SquishBaby** : I THINK THERE WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING OMG IM SO SORRY

**To SquishBaby** : How bout we turn off th capslock bud?

**From SquishBaby** : Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you guys fight. T.T

**To SquishBaby** : w8 wht did Connie tell u?

**From SquishBaby** : Apparently Jean thought I was confessing to him??

**To SquishBaby** : u wrn’t?

**From C0nMan** : DONT TELL HIM >:D

I resisted the urge to throw my phone.

**To C0nMan** : I s2g wtf r u 2 tlkin bout

**From C0nMan** : Whoop wrong bro :)))))) Don’t worry bout it xPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

**From SquishBaby** : I DONT LIKE JEAN LIKE THAT

**From C0nMan** : Marco doesn’t like Jean like that ;))

**To SquishBaby** : Dude pls no caps

**From C0nMan** : Jean doesn’t even like Marco :333

**To C0nMan** : I FCKING KNO BOTH OF U R TXTIN ME

Neither of them responded to me for a while. Both of them knew something I didn’t and it was starting to piss me off.

**From GarbageDisposal** : Y’know Jean likes somebody right? <<<3

My phone flew across my room and slammed into the wall before I could process that I was throwing it. I heard a crunching noise as it hit the floor. Blinking slowly, I swore under my breath and went to retrieve it. The screen was a little cracked but it still turned on and off. Sasha had texted me again.

**From GarbageDisposal** : Don’t worry, Jean doesn’t hate you :3

At least that was reassuring.

**From C0nMan** : Sasha and I will talk to him lmao xD

**To C0nMan** : It coo, I just ddn’t kno if he said anythng 2 u

**From SquishBaby** : We’ll talk to him *wink wonk*

**To SquishBaby** : Marco wtf

**From C0nMan** : *wink wonk*

**From GarbageDisposal** : *wink wonk*

**From SquishBaby** : ;))))))))))))

I hated that they were all coordinating something but it probably wasn’t harmful. Probably. Plus, there wasn’t exactly anything I could do about it right now anyway. Once those three got it in their head to make something happen, it usually kind of maybe came out half-assed.

Working at the yogurt shop wasn’t as difficult as I’d expected. I’d gone back to the mall a few days after I hurt my arm and explained to Ymir what had happened. Jean’d kept quiet and scratched his nails through his hair as Ymir nodded along to my story. When I was done, she just told me to do what I could and ask for Jean’s help with whatever I needed two hands to do.

Even though I hated painkillers, I had to give in after a week. Every time I started wincing or moving around slowly, Jean was by my side with Advil or Ibuprofen. In fact, he was constantly hovering over me and fussing over every move I made. He probably felt guilty about what had happened, but I didn’t really blame anyone. Sometimes shit just happened. But of course Mikasa wouldn’t let him hear the end of it every time he walked me home.

The only real downside to it was that I couldn’t swim and I had a hard time changing clothes by myself. Whenever my mom saw me struggling, she looked concerned but I always assured her that I was fine. She was still sick so I didn’t wanna bother her with anything unnecessary.

It’d been about a month since I fell out the window and Jean hadn’t ceased to bother me constantly. He was always at my side now, moving things out of the way and generally just being a nuisance. Even though it annoyed the hell out of me, I didn’t say anything. It was kinda nice having him there to talk to more.

“So he just...wanted to kiss you?” I fumbled with a can of root beer in my lap.

“Apparently”, Jean snatched it from my hand and popped it open. “He coulda just said that instead of freaking me out”.

“Freaking _you_ out? You came into my room and broke my arm”, I took the drink back as foam poured from the opening.

Jean scowled at me from the armrest of the lawn chair. We were sitting around next to the Kirschtein’s pool as Connie and Sasha tried to drown each other. I didn’t wanna get too close to the pool so I’d pulled up a chair and Jean had taken that as an invitation to perch himself on my right side and lean on my good shoulder.

“That’s not what fucking happened!”, he hissed.

Slim fingers worked their way into my hair, gently tugging at the strands.

Lately, Jean had just started touching me almost mindlessly. I was used to Armin just sitting in my lap or Mikasa running her fingers down my arm but Jean felt no different. I’d never been really affectionate with anyone outside my family, but it was nice to have these soothing touches.

“Watch it Kirschtein”, Mikasa growled, sitting on my other side.

She was still soaking wet so pool water started to drip onto my clothes. She pulled Jean’s hands off of me burning holes into his eyes.

“Just trying to help”, Jean muttered, looking down at his feet.

Mikasa replaced Jean’s fingers with her own, scratching across my scalp. I could almost ignore all the water dripping on me.

“I think you’ve helped enough”, she motioned for Jean to leave.

“We were fine until you barged in”.

“Why the hell were you in his room anyway?” Mikasa pushed Jean away.

I groaned. Whenever they were near each other, it was constant bickering.

“‘Kasa knock it off”, I shoved her gently off the chair. “You’re dripping on me”.

I understood why she was being protective, but it was a little late for that. My arm was already broken and Jean was honestly just trying to help.

“None of your business”, Jean stuck his tongue out at her.

Mikasa rolled her eyes and stalked away. Armin was waving at her excitedly from the other end of the pool. I think this was the first time his parents had let him swim without them watching.

“Stop baiting her”, I hit Jean’s thigh with my good arm.

“Am not”, he scoffed.

He chuckled and seated himself back on the chair and shoved his hands into the pockets of his swim trunks. We watched our friends mess around in the pool. Connie was trying to dunk Marco, Ymir, Reiner, Annie and Krista were playing Chicken and Sasha was yammering to Bertholdt he probably didn’t care about.

“I can’t swim either if that makes you feel any better”, Jean kicked the leg of my chair.

“Well, you _can_ …”, I tore my eyes from the water.

“Yeah, not really”.

“I mean, you could get in the water”.

“Yeah, but-”.

“Just put on one of those swimming shirts or whatever”, I shrugged.

Jean pouted at me so I laughed. I took a sip of my drink and waited for him to move or something. I figured he’d either take my advice or go hand out with someone else. It was probably boring sitting around with me, not doing anything.

“Jean, you got any more drinks?” Connie barked from the pool. “Cooler’s empty!”

Jean muttered something under his breath about Connie’s big mouth but lifted himself from the chair and shuffled towards his back door. Before he left, he flicked the back of my neck gently. I scowled as he walked away, but mostly because he was leaving me alone.

I watched him walk away, his blue trunks sagging low on his hips. The exposed skin on his shoulders and back were starting to turn a little red from the sun. His thin black tank top was starting to cling to him from sweat but he refused to take off the snapback covering his sun-yellowing hair. I still didn’t know why he bleached it so much if it basically turned blond with sun.

“Like the view?”

My arm banged against the plastic armrest of my chair when I jumped. I clutched it to my chest with an annoyed grunt.

“Wow, you were totally out of it!” Sasha settled into the grass next to me.

“I wasn’t!” I shot back.

Sasha raised her eyebrows at me but shrugged and watched Connie playing in the pool.

“Yeah, and Connie’s not bald”, she laughed.

I honestly wouldn’t have been able to tell if I had been staring or not. It’d only felt like I’d watched Jean for a few seconds.

“What about it?”

“Don’t you think that’s... _interesting_?” Sasha leaned closer to me.

“What?” I rubbed my arm soothingly.

“What were you and Jean just talkin’ about?” Sasha smiled expectantly.

“Nothing really”, I narrowed my eyes at her.

“He didn’t, like, tell you anything special?” she pursed her lips.

“He just talked about Marco”.

“What about me?” Marco came from the pool, soaking wet.

“I’m talking to him about the, uh, the situation”, Sasha pretended to whisper.

“Any progress?” Marco perked up, coming closer.

“I can hear you guys”, I scowled.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it”, Marco waved his hand in my face and directed his attention back to Sasha.

“He’s not gonna figure it out”, Sasha shook her head.

“Figure what out?” Connie leaned on the back of my chair, dripping water all over me.

“I think they’re talking about _the situation_ ”, Armin came up behind me.

At that point I might as well have just gotten in the damn pool. My shirt was soaked through and my temper was rising.

“What’re you assholes doing out of the pool?!”

Reiner dumped the cooler of melted ice all over everyone standing around me. Now I was thoroughly drenched.

“Whoops, my bad dude”, the blond’s eyes went wide.

I stood up roughly, jostling Armin and Marco who were leaned against my chair. I could hear Ymir cackling from the pool as I marched towards the house but I tried to ignore it. Getting my cast dried off was the top priority, I didn’t need all the unnecessary noise that came with hanging out by the pool. I was proud of myself for not snapping at Reiner, but I still needed to cool off. Sasha had been right about to get on my nerves so I was kind of glad for the interruption.

“I’m gonna dry off!” I called behind me so no one would worry.

When I got to the door at the back porch, I kicked off my flip flops and stepped inside. The Kirschteins always had their AC on full blast as soon as the temperature went over 70 degrees. I shivered in my soaked shirt and let my toes sink into the shag carpet of the dining room. Jean’s house smelled like that air freshener that promised an ocean breeze but smelled more like rain on a beach.

Glaring down at my cast, I brushed droplets of water off of the hardened outer layer. I shuffled down the hallway trying pointlessly to scratch at an itch around my wrist. It’d been bothering me for about a week but I could do absolutely nothing about it.

I ended up bumping into Jean.

Milk dripped down the front of Jean’s black tank top and started to soak into the dark fabric. I held my injured arm close to my chest again and swore.

“What, did you get bored and try to jump in the pool?” Jean muttered.

He put his cup on the counter and headed for the paper towels. There was a little puddle of milk on the linoleum tiles of the kitchen. I looked down hesitantly before stepping over it. Marie stepped in the doorway, carrying more boxes of drinks. She paused in front of Jean.

“What’re you two doing inside?” her attention was on Jean’s shirt. “Jean that milk’ll smell if you don’t change”.

“Yeah, yeah”, he put towels on the floor and mopped with his feet.

He wouldn’t look up at me.

“I’ll just...go home and change I guess”, I looked down at my totally soaked clothes.

“Nonsense! I’m sure some of Jean’s things will fit you!” Marie came over and squeezed my shoulder. “I’ll take these outside”.

Marie was out the door carrying the drinks as Jean picked up the mushy paper towels from the floor. He watched the door close.

“It’s fine, I’ll just-”

“You’re gonna sit around in wet clothes all day?”

I frowned and hopped up on the marble counter top. As my legs started swinging, I knew I was probably dripping water everywhere but I kinda wanted to make Jean clean it up.

“Yeah, unless you got boxers I can borrow”, I glared at him. “I don’t wanna walk all the way home and back”.

Jean paused over the trashcan, towels still soaking wet in his hands. He stiffly opened the lid and dropped the paper inside. The tips of his ears turned a little red as his eyes stayed trained on the trash can.

“They’re gonna be kinda tight”.

“‘S fine. I’m freezing”, I hopped off the counter.

The metal lid of the trash can made a little rattling noise as Jean’s foot released the pedal. His bare feet shuffled across the linoleum until we left the kitchen and headed down the hall to the stairs. I passed by an old picture of Jean still hanging on the wall, braces glinting in the sun as he smiled at whoever was taking the picture.

As I followed Jean silently up the stairs, it occurred to me that I’d never actually been on the second level of his home. I’d never even seen his room. Jean kicked the door open and trudged in without skipping a beat. Unlike my room, most things weren’t strewn across the floor but placed neatly on a shelf or desk. I couldn’t figure out how things were organized, but at least he didn’t have dirty clothes on the floor.

Jean pulled open a drawer on his dresser and started rifling through it. I took in all the band posters along the walls but the lack of instruments. There were all these pictures of people in plaid leaning against buildings and looking off into the distance. How edgy.

“I dunno if these’ll fit”, Jean tossed me black boxers.

“Probably”, I caught them.

The cool cotton fabric felt like a burning coal in the palm of my hand. Jean was gripping the wooden panel of his dresser drawer and wouldn’t face me. I chewed my lower lip and cleared my throat, seemingly snapping him out of his stupor. He turned to face me, eyes expectant and questioning.

“My shirt?” I tugged at the hem of my t-shirt.

Jean rolled his eyes and bumped his drawer closed with his hip. He walked over to me and motioned for me to raise my good arm above my head. I flinched as the wet fabric was removed and my moist skin was exposed to icy air. Inhaling sharply, I ducked my head through as Jean maneuvered the rest of my shirt from my chest. When he got the rest of the dark shirt from around my cast, he met my eyes.

The flickered down to my chest for a moment, almost unnoticeable.

“Bathroom’s on the right, I should have some shorts in the closet”, Jean hit my shoulder with the back of his hand.

I nodded and waddled out of his room. Wearing cold, wet underwear was not exactly the best experience and I was more than glad for the opportunity to change. I kicked off my cargo shorts and shimmied my underwear off after making sure the door was closed. I tried my best to pull Jean’s boxer-briefs on even though they were a little tight. When I tugged the elastic up over my hips, I looked into the mirror over the sink.

My hair was poking out in every direction and I was standing in Jean’s bathroom with only his underwear on. The elastic dug into my hips. A shiver ran down my spine so I turned to the closet and pulled it open to look for shorts.

After I’d made my best attempt at changing and hung my wet clothes up to dry, I wandered back down the hallway. My upper-half was still lacking a shirt, so I wrapped my arms around myself to try and keep warm.

When I came back into Jean’s room, I choked on a gasp. I covered my mouth and tried to look anything that wasn’t him but it wasn’t working. Jean was straining to pull his binder up over his shoulders with his back facing me. The pale skin stretching across his back was turning a harsh red, but still wasn’t as colored as the sunburn stretching across his arms. There was a little sliver of darkened skin along the hem of his shorts from when he’d laid out in the glass earlier and his shirt had ridden up.

Jean turned at the noise, finally pulling the tight clothing off his arms. With his arms still raised above his head, his face flushed. I popped my mouth open to say something, anything but my mind was currently running through the other time I’d seen Jean shirtless. In my room.

If I’d thought he was pale before…

“Stop staring dickhead!” Jean snapped.

Every ounce of blood in my entire body rushed to my face, making my head spin. I used to think Jean was a really skinny kid, but he honestly looked kinda squishy. I always imagined that I’d see his ribs poking out or something, but his narrow hips looked touchable instead of sharp and pointy like I’d pictured. He sure as hell wasn’t filled out, but he wasn’t exactly skinny.

My eyes snapped to the back of Jean’s head when he turned to grab a sweater from his bed. He tugged it over his head roughly. Jean balled his hands into fists and sighed heavily before turning to face me. Embarrassed, I looked at the shirt he’d gotten for me by his dresser.

“If you’re gonna stare, don’t act weird about it”.

I glared at him.

“You’re the one changing in front of me all the time!”, I retorted.

“So? You did it too”, Jean shrugged and snatched the shirt from the dresser.

“But I usually say something”, I muttered to myself.

“Just c’mere and lemme put this shirt on you”.

“Oh fuck you, I can do it myself”, I hissed.

Jean narrowed his eyes at me then focused in on my broken arm. There was this condescending little smirk on his lips that was making my heart beat faster than it already was. I could see the point of one of his canines. I swallowed thickly.

“Uhuh, yeah? Here”, Jean held out the shirt.

My entire body was screaming at me to fight him, yell at him or protest in some way but I was already walking towards Jean before I could think any more of it. The edge of Jean’s mouth twitched upwards making my scowl deepen.

“It’s your freaking fault my stupid arm’s like this in the first place”, my eyes drifted back down to Jean’s thin waist.

“Would you shut up about that?”, Jean pulled the neck hole over my head without warning. “It was a fucking accident, I said that”.

I huffed, blowing Jean’s floppy air away from his forehead. He just scoffed and started maneuvering my good arm through the sleeve. When it came to my other arm, he helped me delicately put the rest of the shirt on.

“Why’d you take that off?” I spoke low.

Jean was tugging his sweater down over the hem of his shorts. He looked down at me, eyebrow raised. I could really see the two-inch difference between us at this distance. Jean never ceased to remind me that he was taller and still growing.

“My binder?”

“Yeah”, I looked down at the shirt he’d given me, it was some dumb punk band.

“It had milk on it”, he shrugged shoving his hands in his pockets. “Courtesy of some fuckwad”.

“Don’t you, like, gotta wear it all the time?” I ran my fingers through my hair trying to get it into some semblance of a style.

Jean looked like a puffy black marshmallow in his sweater. I guessed it hid his chest or whatever he was going for, but I thought wearing his binder was more for himself than for appearance.

“I don’t gotta”, Jean shrugged again, his hands slid out from his pockets.

He seemed to be deathly focused on my impressive curly cowlicks. Jean confidently started combing his fingers through my hair, flattening the fly away hair like it was something he did every day. His slender fingers slid through my tangly hair, separating strands painlessly. I stiffened and grabbed his wrist.

“What’re you doing?” I asked.

My face was still probably incredibly flushed and I was thankful for my darker skin. I thought back to when I was sprawled out on the floor, evening sunlight filtering in through the window onto my skin as Jean scratched my scalp just the right side of rough. The sharp bone of Jean’s knee had pressed into the soft flesh of my cheek but I didn’t care because of the attention my scalp was getting.

“Fixing your stupid hair”, Jean narrowed his eyes at me, still smirking.

“Were you fixing my hair when you came over my house?” I scowled.

I’d told him time and time again; I wasn’t good at picking up on subtleties or whatever bullshit was his specialty. If he was gonna pull some shit on me, he might as well come out with it and tell me. I hated that I was getting embarrassed over this. The only people I let touch my hair were Sasha and Mom. Not even _Armin_.

“What?” Jean’s cheeks were pink but he didn’t break eye contact.

“You weren’t fixing my hair Jean”, I rolled my eyes. “And you’re not doin’ it now”.

He flinched at the sound of his name. Yanking his arm out of my grasp, he stuck his thumbnail in his mouth and started chewing. His eyes were focused somewhere around my feet but he wasn’t answering my question.

Connie, Sasha, and Marco had been conspiring something.

“So you’re just messing with me now?” I raked my fingers through my hair.

My skin felt like it was on fire, my heart was pounding in my ears. I could feel my humiliation as the hair on my arms stood on end.

“What? No”, Jean looked taken aback. “‘S not that…”

“Then explain”, I tugged at my hair.

“Can we not right now?” his hands were back in his pockets.

“The _fuck_ does that mean?”

“Would you stop yelling?! Christ!” Jean tried to step around me.

I blocked his path, looking up at him. He was forced to meet my eyes, but he only held my gaze for a few seconds. He was chewing the hell out of his lip and twitching like crazy but I needed him to talk to me.

I took a deep breath and waited for him to look at me, which felt like it took forever.

“So you’re not gonna talk to me”.

“Just, not right now okay?” he still couldn’t hold my gaze. “Not like this”.

“You couldn’t tell me in my room that night either, huh?” I scoffed. “I guess you’re not planning on telling me shit then”.

A smile broke across my lips, but my throat was tightening up. My hand was shaking and I could feel my skin tingling. I wasn’t gonna let him keep making a fool out of me.

Jean made another move to pass me but I turned and grabbed his face. Honestly, I’d intended to punch him and it took everything in me not to. Gripping his jaw, I turned Jean’s face towards me.

His amber eyes met mine and wavered a moment as he exhaled loudly through his nose. Jean just watched me, the tension leaving his face until he finally just stared at me blankly. I loosened my grip on his face until Jean’s hands cupped my hand. My eyes widened but I didn’t dare move. His golden eyes seemed determined after that.

“You’re a little shit, you know that?” Jean scoffed.

Then there was me, still trying to remember to breathe and function properly. All I could hear was my heart racing. I thought it was because of my temper, and maybe it had been initially. It pissed me off how casual he was acting about all this, all this attention made me want to hide under his bed. Jean’s palms felt sweltering hot against my skin, I wondered if they’d leave a mark.

I ran my tongue over my lip when Jean tilted his head against my hand. Soft skin slid against my palm as his smooth cheek settled into my hand. His eyes were still focused sharply until his gaze flickered down to my lips. I felt my heart skip a beat when he worried his lip ring between his teeth. I hadn’t even realized I’d been watching his mouth so my eyes snapped back to his.

A blush rose to his cheeks and I was lost in the color. I swore I could make out faint freckles across his sun-tanned skin under the rosey hue. That was also the point I think I stopped breathing all together.

Remembering how our lips touched was like trying to remember a super vivid dream. You could recall being in the situation and waking up but everything else was a blur. When I realized how close Jean was to me, I was overwhelmed by the smell of his stupid Old Spice and the sweet taste of his chapstick.

It was more of our lips brushing than a kiss, I wouldn’t even call it that. To this day, I couldn’t tell you how long it lasted. It felt like an eternity and a mere millisecond all at once. There were so many things happening all at once that by the time Jean pulled away with an open expression, my mind was still stuck on the fact that he’d gotten one hand in my hair again.

His long fingers slid from the thicket of my hair while his other hand dropped the palm I’d kept pressed to his jaw. When I licked my lips, they tasted like that cheap dollar chapstick they sold at gas stations that promised “cherry” but tasted like cough syrup.

My brain decided it would rather cycle through how Jean’s lips had been slightly chapped because he always insisted on chewing them. Or how when our lips had brushed together, it almost tickled. Or how that was my first kiss. Or how Jean was still watching, like he couldn’t think either. Or how-

“Um”.

Smooth.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I didn’t even know if I was supposed to say anything at all. It wasn’t like I’d kissed Jean...At least I didn’t remember leaning in those last few inches. I thought fireworks were supposed to go off in my head when I kissed someone.

“...sorry…?” Jean tried hesitantly.

“For what?” I blurted, out of breath for some reason.

Jean wasn’t as impulsive of a person as I was, if anything he overthought everything.

“I didn’t ask, I just kinda-” he coughed and scratched his fingers through his short hair. “I shouldn’t have...y’know”.

“I, uh, don’t actually”, I wanted to be mad, but I didn’t know why.

“Eren, you freaking dumbass, I just-”.

“Jean! Everyone’s waiting outside!” Marie’s voice came from downstairs.

Jean and I jumped apart from each other. We both shared an awkward glance before heading down the stairs without another word. I had no idea how long we’d been gone, but it had only felt like a few minutes. Or an hour. I didn’t know. But I held back, keeping a few steps behind Jean.

By the time we were back outside, Connie and Marco were messing around with Jean while Sasha eyed me suspiciously. She skipped towards me before I could pretend I didn’t see her. She wasn’t exactly someone I wanted to talk to while my brain was scattered. I was still replaying the scene in Jean’s room trying to figure out what had happened.

“So... you’re wearing his clothes?” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“I was soaking wet, remember?!” I could hear how flustered I was in my voice. “Leave me alone!”

Sasha just giggled and sat in the grass next to my lawn chair. She wasn’t saying anything else and it was pissing me off. She couldn’t have known that Jean was gonna kiss me...right?

“Eren, mom wants us home”, Mikasa walked over, sundress over her swimsuit.

I looked up at her blankly. She was blocking the sun from shining right into my eyes so I squinted at her shadowed face.

“Right now?” I rubbed at my cheek.

“Mhmm”, she made a face at Sasha.

Sasha shook her head and shrugged. My eyes darted between the two of them, looking for more hints into their silent conversation. Mikasa rolled her eyes then focused her attention back to me. Her awkward smile made me uneasy. Sasha promptly got to her feet and walked away without another word.

“C’mon, I’ll start dinner as soon as we get back”, Mikasa kept talking to me.

I wasn’t paying much attention to her. I was too focused on how Sasha gathered up with Marco and Connie, who just happened to be pestering Jean about something. The tips of Jean’s ears were bright red and he was swatting away Connie’s attempts at poking him. When Sasha said something, Marco leaned in towards Jean and his entire face went red.

“Uhuh”, I responded absently.

Then our eyes met and I felt my heart stop. Jean turned back towards Marco immediately but I was stuck awkwardly watching the back of his head.

“Eren?”

I blinked a few times before looking at Mikasa. I clenched my hands and ran my tongue over my teeth. She was watching me as if nothing was happening but I felt like something was up. Everyone knew something I didn’t and they weren’t doing a good job of hiding it anymore.

“What?” I snapped.

“Stop being pissy, let’s go”, with a flip of her hair, Mikasa was headed towards home.

I sat alone in the lawnchair for a few more seconds before I pulled myself up. I took one last look at my friends before stalking after her. They’d waved at me, but I couldn’t wave back. I was still running through what I’d missed.

Then it stuck out in my mind. Jean had definitely said he liked someone. He’d crawled into my damn room at night just to tell me so it must’ve been important. The kid couldn’t keep from complaining even if you taped his mouth shut. He always came to me just to complain about every little thing.

Lately he even came over my house just to check on my mom. He usually ended up on the couch by the end of the day lazily watching something on TV while I made dinner. Mikasa used to yell at him, but she gave up after a few weeks. Jean’d always just show up at my door, stupid smirk plastered on his face, talking giddily about-

  
  


Oh shit.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly cannot believe this took me over a year. I had no idea it would take that long, I honestly was working on it non stop and just didn't know how to write it. I wasn't able to have it proofread by anyone other than me so apologies for mistakes^^;
> 
> hmu @kakkoii-ikemen on tumblr if u want

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Critiques are much appreciated^^  
> kakkoii-ikemen on tumblr, hmu


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